I had literal hell my teenage and 20 something years? My 30s haven’t been much better and I am really struggling with just not killing myself.
Does it get better? Life isn’t fair and I know life changes by choice not chance and I have worked and worked and worked and it just keeps getting worse while everyone around me gets gold.
I really need some tips or advice please.
Let me add this bit of information because I didn’t say a thing about luck or woe is me.
Dealing with loss whether it has been relationships or death of family
I have no community
My mental health has not been the same since I had a STILLBIRTH 6 years ago now
I’m constantly jealous of everyone for the smallest reasons : all the women I was close to have had successful births and there children are about the age that my son would have been
These same women have men that actually love them while I’ve been chasing it. I have never had a romantic relationship form organically I’m now 31. Even my younger sisters are partnered. They had men actually pursue them, no matter how many vulnerable situations I’ve put myself in, it’s never happened.
I even joined the military to get far from my hometown to open myself up to new experiences and other perspectives. I am out now.
Despite years of therapy and medication I am no closer to anything, I have crippling anxiety and depression so any relationship I try to maintain bursts into flames.
Comments
What are these challenges you’re facing exactly?
It’s better cuz there is an underlying assumption that you make it better as you get older. It doesn’t get better if you just pottered around.
Nobody around you just “gets gold” for no reason. The people who you know who are successful, are successful because they worked for it. Life isn’t fair, but that’s something that’s always been the case. Nihilism is just a way to make excuses.
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Life doesn’t change unless you do. Set yourself up for the opportunities you want by working on skills, and the mental and physical health to carry out tasks with ease.
It’s silly to say things are just luck. Actors don’t get cast without learning how to act or auditioning. Chefs don’t get their dream jobs without knowing how to cook.
It’s not true my 20s were the peak of my life, my 30s suck and haven’t been good to me at all
I’m having a hard time, too.
I’m now 34. Compared to my twenties, I have less money, less free time, fewer friends, and am less hopeful about the future. I know I’m not unique. A lot of these things are outside of our control; the cost of living has skyrocketed, people aren’t socializing as much as they used to, and our country’s political situation is objectively terrible. A handful of people got lucky and locked down spouses and/or good jobs before the shit hit the fan, but the rest of us are struggling.
My only advice would be to prioritize making and keeping friendships above all else. Join every type of community group that you can. Talk to as many people as possible. Volunteer for things if you’re able. Invite the neighbors over for dinner.
At the same time, put effort into reconnecting with old friends. Consider moving closer to family if you’re far away. If you haven’t talked to someone since high school but they’re still local, shoot them a message on social media and ask to grab lunch. (The worst they could say is no.) If they say yes, try to make it a regular thing.
A lot of people seem to feel that building and maintaining community is crucial for everyone’s mental health right now. It’s only hard because nobody is willing to take the first step.
Do you abuse drugs or alcohol? Then stop.
Do you judge people and compare yourself to others? Then stop.
Do you make excuses for not doing things for yourself? Then stop.
Do you not keep yourself to basic standards? Then stop.
Do you interact with people that are bad for your health and well being? Then stop.
Look after yourself. Join a church, support group. Make good decisions and genuinely look to help yourself and get yourself out of whatever hole you dug yourself into. Be honest, accept where you are and then step by step work to get yourself out of there. There is no one coming to save you; no one owes you shit; accept that life is hard and savage and protect yourself. Be the adult that you need.
I don’t have any good advice. I just want to say that I am sorry that you are struggling so much.
You are your own enemy as far as how you feel about this.
30s are not better to me family members are getting old and dying off I’m getting Grey hair my dog is getting old. Life is better when you are younger in my opinion.
You don’t just magically get a better life, it takes effort and nurture into everything. The grass is greenest where you water it.
If youre a loser at 15 and keep the same mentality throughout life. You will also be a loser at 50
In my experience life just keeps getting worse, even when it seems that it can’t possibly get worse, to the extent I’m pretty convinced this is some sort of hell world
Oh man….
Yes. It does get better but you have to put the work into it.
I hated my life. From zero to 36. I was where you are now. Shitty upbringing, shitty schools, shitty husband, shitty life. I was going to end it. And then I thought to myself, fuck it, I’m not going to let them win.
I moved, I wrote bad poetry, I did open mic, I took low paying jobs I had never done before and worked my ass off. I was over used and underpaid but any chance I got of moving into a better job, I took it. I challenged myself to meet people (which is really hard because I’m a deep introvert). I challenged myself to stop over thinking. I challenged myself to get out of the bubble that got built around me. I removed the target from my back.
I looked for the opportunities. I got counseling. Does it get better? It can but not by wishing.
You’ve got to fix it yourself. Just aging doesn’t change anything. You don’t wake up one day 6 years older and everything is magically fixed and better.
Girl, go down to a festival or a bar and meet people!! Or even a sip and paint. Get out of your comfort zone. And most importantly… contact God. God is real. (I lost my second daughter at 19weeks) I was 5months pregnant. Those first 5 years are the hardest. I get it. But you gotta get outta the past baby. Don’t turn into a pillar of salt. You can do this. You deserve to be happy. Your baby wants you to be happy.
I love you 💕