A little while ago, I got brave and confessed my feelings to my brother’s best friend. We had shared a lot of chemistry over the months. There were long stares, teasing, deeper conversations—enough signs that made me feel something real was there. One night, a bit tipsy but completely honest, I sent him a heartfelt message telling him how I’d liked him from the beginning. That I’d been holding back because of his friendship with my brother. I even joked about his green eyes and dimples because… well, they’ve had a chokehold on me for months.
He responded kindly, a little flirty, and asked if I regretted saying anything. He said he would’ve kissed me that night but didn’t think it was the right place. He asked me about wanting a future on a farm with animals (randomly) and complimented how I looked that night. It felt like the start of something.
But then… he disappeared.
No follow-up.
Didn’t reply to my voice note.
Just left me on read.
I tried once more to reach out, gently saying I noticed a shift and didn’t want any awkwardness. He replied casually, saying life had been a mess. But still—nothing meaningful. No accountability. No clarity. I told him I felt left in the dark, that I thought maybe he was just being kind to not hurt my feelings. He insisted that wasn’t true, said he wasn’t out “fucking around,” and told me I needed to get to know him better before expecting anything. Then silence again.
So yesterday, I unfollowed him on Instagram and removed him as a follower. I was tired of him viewing my stories but never having the decency to reply to me directly.
And guess what? A few hours later, he shows up at my house.
My brother brought him over to help with gardening. I hadn’t seen him in weeks. I was upstairs when they arrived, and when I came down, he walked straight to me. Looked me right in the eye and hugged me. Started asking how my job search is going, how I’m doing, if I’m okay. Offering me coffee. Making direct eye contact constantly. Like nothing happened. Like he didn’t ghost me after I opened my heart.
I was polite, but cold. I didn’t give him much energy. And I could feel that it unsettled him. He kept hovering near me, trying to find little ways to engage me. But I was over it. I’ve cried, journaled, processed—and now? I just don’t care the way I used to.
I could see it got to him. He’d wander off by himself during our breaks, looking frustrated or lost in thought. He noticed I wasn’t giving him the attention he was used to. And for the first time, he felt the shift. I didn’t owe him warmth. Not after what he did.
He still hasn’t messaged me. He’s still silent. But I know yesterday got to him. And I know that unfollow hit his ego, even if he’ll never admit it.
I guess I’m just trying to figure out what this all meant. Why say something kind and flirtatious if you were just going to pull away? Why chase eye contact and small talk if you’re not going to have a real conversation?
And if he ever does say, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you”… I honestly don’t know what I’ll say.
Comments
Just let it go. If he was serious, he would have called or messaged back. I’m sure he likes you- just not enough to make the effort. So just let it go and move on. Don’t waste any more energy. You’re the cute little sister that’s fun to flirt with and inflates his ego, not one he likes enough to get serious about. So save yourself the heartache. Sorry.
It sounds like he likes you but has something going on in his life that’s preventing him from being a good boyfriend so he’s not starting anything.
AND he may just also be a bad communicator.
He’s not interested. Or at least not enough to make a definitive move. Don’t read too deeply into it. Busy yourself with other activities, hobbies, friends. You’ll find someone who genuinely wants to be with you before you know it.
He wants you to pursue him and make him feel he’s above you. He likes making you swoon for him. That’s all he wants. He thought he could manipulate you now, and he feels like he needs to find a new person to do this to.
How old are you? How old is he? Would your brother be mad if his friend was with you?
he just fished for the attention. don’t waste time with people like this.
Seems like a whole lot of assumptions on your part, since it doesn’t seem like there has been clear communication.
It could be that he values his friendship with your brother and is trying to figure that part out. Some brothers get very defensive when it comes to their friends and sisters. What if the relationship started, but then went bad? Then there would be a potential rift between him and your brother. Have you talked to your brother about any of this?
Seems the biggest issue here is a lack of communication and patience.
I applaud your bravery and shooting your shot. I also applaud you for protecting your peace while acknowledging and accepting his indecision.
You don’t owe him the ego boost by keeping the dynamic the same as before your declaration. It should change.
Kinda sounds like he likes being admired, but has no intention to have a real relationship. He’s your brother’s best friend. Best to walk away.
This has been my experience dating lately. We seem to have so much chemistry and they tell me how wonderful I am and then one day it just kind of ….. stops.
I’ve tried a few times with different people to ask if everything is okay, and I get the same kind of thing.
They’re busy, having a hard time with things. (Which I empathize with but to never reach back out means it was never about those things)
So I’ve kind of given up. I can’t remember the last time a man genuinely put in some effort at all besides having sex with me and then not even having the decency to stay around to cuddle or talk for a bit, they’re right out the door.
Dating feels so cold these days. Dating feels like trying to hug a slab of porcelain and expecting warmth.
Ball is in his court, put it as water under the bridge and move on…. I reckon he’s still feeling conflicted. You are his best mates sister…. If he’s going there, he kinda has to be sure there’s no going back because it’s not the only relationship on the line here.
He might decide no so truly do try to move on…. But I have a little sneaky Spidey sense he needs you to play it cool, back off a bit give him some more time and space. It’s going to grow organically, or die organically either way.
Was in this situation with a friend of mine where it was complicated and a bit of a dance…. I’m married to him now but it could easily have gone the other way.
OK. I have two thoughts.
Eithef, his life is a mess right and he’s a terrible communicator.
He has some sort of insecurity and he’s a terrible communicator.
Or, he’s the type of person who wants to be pursued/chased.
Either way, you owe him nothing. If he does genuinely like you, he fucked it up. That sounds like it sucks for him because you sounded really into him, which is most guys’ dreams. Good on you for knowing your worth OP.
DO NOT DATE THIS MAN
It’s called breadcrumbing or something like that? Intermittent reinforcement!!!
It is ABSOLUTELY the most toxic form of relationship possible. It’s pure manipulation designed to put you in a chokehold, waiting for the next time the person is nice and gives you attention.
He is a cad.
RUN.
Just saw a post today on Reddit saying something like: “If the person likes you, the person will let you know. If you are having mixed signals, the answer is always no”. You gave your first step. If they are interested they already know how you feel. It is their turn.
Does your brother know? I would have some weird feelings about my sister and my best friend flirting behind my back
I think you’re better off away from him. Chances are he’s using a sort of “bait and switch” tactic to appear hard to get. It’s also a glimpse into what being with him would actually end up looking like.
Maybe your brother told him not to start something?
He doesn’t owe you anything. He didn’t ask you to word vomit your love for him all over. I don’t think it’s fair to expect a response or a grand gesture. Maybe he’s just not that into you. You’re not owed anything in this situation. You probably should have asked if he was even open to receive something like that at this point in time. It’s not fair to project your feelings onto someone and expect reciprocation and validation exactly when you want it.
I get the vibe that you’re both young here?
I’ve been trying to give people some grace and not make negative assumptions about their intentions in my own life so I’m going to approach this with that same mentality.
He seems like he likes you but isn’t sure what to do and probably has a lot going on in life, like his message to you said. I’m sure it’s an extra concern that he’s best friends with your brother. He may think that dating you would damage his friendship with your brother, or possibly he spoke to your brother and your brother made it clear he wouldn’t be ok with it.
You also seem to be very attached and have high expectations that he’s down to jump head-first into a relationship with you. Slow down! You just confessed your feelings, it seems like he has some feelings and attraction too. But this is a messy situation with your brother, and who knows what else is going on in his life? Give him some time. I think blocking him was an overreaction. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Unblock him and give him a chance to explain and pursue you if he’s interested. If he’s not, or if he’s all flirt and no substance, it’ll be obvious. You can leave the door open for a bit and just see what happens. You can always close it later if it’s not for you.
Maybe he would rather talk to you in person.
He wants to play games. Don’t do it! You already put yourself out there if he isn’t going to give you the same energy forget it and move on.
What is the timeline on this? How long is “a little while ago”?
This means nothing. He doesn’t care about you in that way. Please move on.
This is called “bread crumbing” just dropping a crumb of bread here and there to lead you on.
He is just not that into you.
He’ll keep stringing you along because it will feed his ego. This just smells like rank manipulation. I will bet that if/when you get a bf, he’ll confess his attraction to you and try to break up your relationship.
Don’t be a sucker for gorgeous eyes and a nice physique.
It seems like far too many games to build a healthy relationship on. He’s not emotionally available and pursuing anything with him will not play out the way you hope it will.
You can enjoy someone’s company and even have chemistry without wanting to date them. Move on and find someone who’s not your brother’s best friend.
It does seems like he likes you, or likes the attention you’ve given him, but not enough to take action on it. A man of no action is a man that deserves no relationship! Let him string along some other girl, you deserve someone who would atleast call
Everything everyone else said plus – he isn’t ready to be in a serious relationship with you (or maybe anyone). It stings and it’s going to hurt for a bit but you should let this one go and turn your back on the whole thing. When I was deep in the dating scene I realized the criteria I needed most from someone was that they demonstrably knew who they were and they knew what they wanted.
He has not demonstrated either, you can do better and deserve better. Sorry it didn’t turn out how you wanted.
In my experience, even if he genuinely likes you, a relationship with a person who doesn’t want or can’t make the effort for you only leads to heartbreak.
You’re better off letting this go and be the one he never could get than to be the one whom he toyed with on and off until he got tired (I learned this the hard way).
Watch “he’s just not that into you”. It isn’t you….some men just like the attention and the game involved but aren’t interested in any commitment! Men like that are immature. Don’t waste any time of him! But if you want to play that game, don’t put yourself out there. Stay aloof. He will do a lot to get your attention. But don’t give in.
You could be the back up if the main doesn’t work out. But this is a no go.
I don’t agree with the comments. To me it seems like he is into you but needs time to navigate this. Starting something with your best friend’s sister sounds like a recipe for disaster. If he is going to put his friendship on the line and risk losing his friend he needs to make sure this is 100% what he wants and the correct way to go about it.
Looks to me like the guy’s been leading you on. If he was really interested, he would have done something by now. Not come back when he wants his fix of feeling admired/liked.
Girl that’s your brothers friend and if he is a real friend which seems to be he wouldn’t mess with his mates sister. Sorry girl that’s bro code and you need to respect that or talk to your brother about it as this is strictly out of bounds for him.
That’s just how it is in my area anyway it’s a big no no to go after your friends siblings especially if you’re all close