I (16F) had an argument with my friend (16F) because I told her she was being racist, and now none of our mutual friends including her are replying to anything I say.
This happened a few days ago. In our group chat , I saw her talking about beauty standards. As I kept reading, I came across some awful messages she sent. She said:
— “Chinese people want slim waists and small feet. They’re all ped0philes.”
— “Chinese beauty standards are basically supporting ped0philia.”
Honestly, I was really angry when I read that. I replied to her first message saying:
— “A lot of Chinese beauty standards come from their ancestors, like pale skin and small feet.”
She told me I was supporting ped0philia and that those standards were wrong. I told her I didn’t support them at all, but I found what she said to be racist. I also pointed out that in every culture (even our own), some people prefer small feet or slim waists, so it’s not just about Chinese people.
She then said that since they’re not like “Western” countries, she basically sees them as backwards. That made me even angrier, and I ended the conversation by saying I didn’t have time for this and I had other things to do (I actually had extra classes that day, so I left).
Days have passed since then. My friend loves attention — for example, when we went on a picnic once, she tore her bag because her food container didn’t fit, refused to take photos with us, and basically ruined the whole day.— After our argument, she started ignoring my messages in the group chat. Our friends the ones who are more closer to her stopped talking in the group as well.
So, AITA?
Comments
Time to get friends that aren’t nutjobs. NTA
You were right to call her out, her comments were racist: Clearly NTA
those arent friends kid
I’ll chalk it up to you being a teenager, but come on girl you know you’re NTA. Go find you some real friends who respect you, and others!
ummmmm. Why would you want to be friends with this person? Do what every 16 year old does. Take screen shots and broadly distribute them in your school.
Then come back and tell us about the drama. Thanks in advance. You would kind of be the AH if you do what I suggest but it’s justified.
NTA. Not only is your friend a racist, but she might have a few screws loose too. What she said literally makes ZERO sense. And if your mutual friends are siding with her, then do you really want to surround yourself with those people anyway? 😬
NTA but learn this lesson early: people hate being called racist more than they hate racism. Shes weaponizing the friend group because she cant defend her shitty take
NTA honestly, you don’t need to give a flying fuck what racists have to think about you. You called out her bullshit in an informative way. Anyone who wants to follow her, bye bitch. Surround yourself with people who don’t need to be called out on blatant racism.
Look you guys are 16 and still learning. I expected to think you were overreacting – but her attitude is vile. Find new friends.
There’s only one human race, but she is shitting on others culture tho.
It’s hard to move on from a friend group, but don’t invest effort in any of the people who aren’t talking to you because of this. Sometimes you have to lose bad friends before you can get better ones.
They probably stoped talking because they feel awkward and don’t want to get involved in the argument
You are right to pick her up in what she said
NTA. your friend doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
She’s not a good friend or a good person. She’s a racist and a drama addict who will continue to make you miserable because she’s an emotional six year old. Think of this as outgrowing her. It’s absolutely okay to move on from this friendship.
Look, every now and again you lose a friend circle in life. But that doesn’t necessarily say anything bad about you. It sounds like they might be people prioritising comfort and peace rather than calling someone out on bs they say.
Are you perhaps neurodivergent even? Us neurodivergent girlies definitely struggle with neurotypical friend groups and their dynamics. Not saying you must be if you struggle, but it would be an additional factor as well.
It’s best to learn as early as possible that it happens to all of us and that it doesn’t mean we did something really wrong or are bad people or something.
NTA
NTA. Your friends are acting like the immature teenagers they are. It’s probably a stupid idea, but maybe you could show this thread to your friends and help them feel some scorn for the racist and unhinged rant? That kind of peer pressure could help them understand (or it could backfire by causing them to double down).
Please remember: nobody is born racist, racism is taught. It is taught at home by parents or grandparents, perhaps at school by friends and textbooks, maybe by advertising, etc. YOU have been taught to NOT be racist. It is hard to unlearn hateful ideas. It is painful to try to teach others to change their minds about racist thinking.
Start by Googling “How to talk to a racist”. “Racism vs Prejudice “, “Prejudice vs. Discrimination”.
god i do not miss being 16 lmao
They did you a favor showing who they are. Enjoy meeting some new ppl!
Seems that you found out early enough all you past friends are not right
Time to fetch friends who are not racists.
NTA and fuck her racist ass
So she’s the narc in the center of your group, has curated a following of enabling lapdogs, and you’re being ostracized for not bowing to her. Welcome to female friend groups. Sorry this happened, but you’re not wrong and you shouldn’t cave in to keep people in your life who don’t have your back.
When people throw out the racist card, it’s a very deep cut. If they feel like they’re the victim and people believe they are it’s easy to cut out the accuser than the actual person whoever accused them.
In summary- you did everything right, they did everything wrong, and horribly so. Op, you deserve better. Ditch the trash, get some treasure. Real friends are out there!
Similar thing happened to me with my university friends, friends I had known for over 10 years.
What hurt the most was that I directly addressed my issues with the individual and then she went to them and cried about how upset she was. I was devastated at the time over how quick they sided with the racist when I didn’t even want to involve them.
We made up but my friendship with the rest of the group never recovered and eventually that friendship also fizzled out too.
You’ll be fine – you are better off without them 💐
You’re a SJW. Your friends are the “cool kids”/”mean girls”.
Leave them alone go find your own friend group who share your similar PC dorky hall monitor SJW values.