I told my roommate at 1am that my girlfriend of 4 months was drugging me and blew up my relationship

For starters, none of what I accused my girlfriend of was remotely true. I took a couple edibles while I was sick and couldn’t sleep because I kept coughing, so I was pretty sleep deprived too. Not an excuse at all, but it does factor in along with me mainly just being fucking stupid

My girlfriend and I met about 4 months ago and basically U-Hauled her into my apartment within a couple weeks. There was a situation she needed to get out of, and moving in with me was the best move for her. To be clear, she has been nothing short of amazing the whole time I’ve known her. She is kind, extremely smart, cares about people, and has had a life that has not been kind to her. Despite what she’s been through, she is such a wonderful person and I genuinely aspire to be more like her in every way.

So the other night while I was sick, I decided to take 2 500mg edibles since my girlfriend was smoking but my throat hurt too much to smoke. After a few hours I started getting super panicky and felt weird (off balance, seeing double, slurring my words), which could easily be dismissed as a result of me being high, sick, and sleep deprived from coughing so much I wasn’t able to sleep. Instead of rationalizing and realizing I was just super high, I texted my roommate around 1am at this point and told her I thought my girlfriend had drugged me and was going to traffick me. Absolutely unhinged shit to send someone in the middle of the night, and even more insane to accuse someone of. To be clear, there was no grounded reason for me to think this at all

The next afternoon, my girlfriend mentioned that the air felt unusually uncomfortable when my roommate and her bf were home, so I just told her everything as she deserves to know why things feel tense. She was pretty baffled. For one, it didn’t make any sense that she would drug me as she has no access to anything that would harm me. There’s also just nothing she has ever done that would make me think that. She’s extremely hurt that I would ever think that of her, and of course now feels even more uncomfortable when my roommate is here because I made my roommate think my gf was a fucking monster

There’s so much that’s fucked up about this and i feel so stupid for making such an insane and baseless accusation against the most amazing person in my life. I really hate myself now, and I hate how awful I made my gf feel. I hate that I saw my gf like that too, because she doesn’t remotely deserve it. I don’t know how to make her feel better, and i dont think i can. I hate that I’ve destroyed her trust. I hate that i freaked my roommate out.

Obviously I’m taking a decent break from weed, especially when I’m sick. I just needed to get it out. Negative remarks are both accepted and encouraged