A few months ago, I overheard my sister’s husband on the phone. At first I thought it was just a casual call, but then I realized he was talking to another woman. It wasn’t just friendly, the tone, the flirting, the way he said things that should only be said to your spouse… it was OBVIOUS THAT HE WAS CHEATING ON HER WITH A DIFFERENT WOMAN
I kept with it for days. Part of me wanted to just forget it, but the other part kept imagining my sister living in the dark while he was lying to her. She’s my sister. I couldn’t keep it from her.
So I told her.
She confronted him, things spiraled quickly, and within weeks they filed for divorce. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I feel like l’ve been branded the villain. My parents, cousins, even some family friends they blame me for “destroying” the marriage. They keep saying I should’ve stayed out of it, that marriages have ups and downs, and I meddled where I shouldn’t have. (im from a south asian family btw)
Now holidays are awkward. People ignore me or give me dirty looks. My sister doesn’t blame me (if anything, she thanks me for being honest), but it feels like everyone else hates me.
I keep wondering if I should’ve just stayed quiet, but deep down I know silence would’ve been worse. I didn’t break their marriage, he did. Still, being the one everyone blames hurts more than I thought it would.
Comments
Never place yourself between two people in a relationship. You have no idea what their real relationship is like or to what they have agreed. You should have kept your mouth closed.
But you acted out of naivety rather than malice. Your family should cut you some slack.
You did the right thing.
You would have had the secret on your conscience forever and it would have eaten you up forever.
The guilt would be on you only.
Good for you and your physical and mental health.
I’m glad that your sister is okay with you and now you know that your family is okay with that kind of behavior.
Keep on keeping on!
I am proud of you!🦋🦋
Then your sister needs to go to bat for you. If she doesn’t blame you and it was her marriage, what right do they have to treat you like this?
Bare in mind you saved your sister from adultery but she’s not saved you from their scorn… Acknowledge this fact.
He destroyed the marriage and now your sister will be a little bit wiser.
You didn’t fuck up, you did the right thing.
Your family aren’t really mad about your sister divorcing a cheating husband. They’re mad about the reputational damage the divorce causes the family, or they have infidelity in their own relationships and don’t like what they see.
They’re doing both yourself and your sister a disservice, I would absolutely lose respect for my family if they reacted the way yours did.
You stood up for your sister now stand up for yourself damn.
That marriage was already doomed babe
To add if your sister found out on her own, which she most likely would have, AND found out you knew before hand the relationship between you two might have never been reparable.
The sister is the ONLY one you should be seeing. The rest, who blame you, are people with a lot of skeletons in their closet and they don’t want reminded of them. No one is to blame for their divorce except the cheater!
You know you did the right thing, ignore those AH’s who say differently! I would not be around any of them.
Is your sister standing up for you? She should be, if not that’s messed up!
I would write a short message into the family group. After that I would go no contact with some immoral persons.
“Would everyone blaming me for the end of sisters and cheating husbands marriage please give me a thumbs up? I would like to block and ignore everyone excusing that behavior. Thank you!”
Ask them all in front of her how many of them knew he was cheating on her and turned their backs to let it continue.
Thats messed up. I’m guessing many of them knew and kept their mouth shut and now feel guilty and are blaming you to feel better.
You did the right thing. i would go no contact with anyone who was ok with someone cheating on their spouse.
Your family should be ashamed!! Cheating is not a normal case of “ups and downs”. You did the right thing, I’m sorry you’re getting blamed about it.
You didn’t blow up her marriage – her husband did when he played around on the side. You informed your sister what was happening. She then made a decision based on the information she had. You didn’t force her husband to cheat, and you didn’t force her to leave him. You just told her what you heard and she took it from there.
The family that blame you — I’d call them all out and say you know exactly what kind of people they are, and you know exactly how much they can be trusted in their own relationships.
Girlll!!! I know exactly what you mean as I come from south Asian background too. It’s high times you cut those people out of your life because we’re told to respect our elders and put up with the abuse they put on us but honestly, we can stand up for ourselves and walk away. You did the right thing for your sister and it’ll be nice if she can stand up for you but I also see that she may be afraid to do so. But you can tell them to mind their business and also call them out for supporting cheating that they rather have their child live in pain for their stupid reputation and what if your bil divorce your sister, or what if he have kids with the other woman?
Just ask your family if they would stand by and watch a loved one’s husband steal money from them, or poison them, or leak their secrets to the newspaper. What kind of monster would watch that happen?
A cheater takes a persons love and opportunities for the future, opens them up to the risk of disease, and makes them vulnerable to scrutiny. You stood up for her. You should be applauded.
Cello south Asian here. They don’t hate you. They just don’t like that their image is “tarnished” by a divorce. And it’s easier to blame you than the man, because patriarchy. Soon, something else will happen, and everyone will start talking about that. Biggest way to succeed on not being the scape goat in toxic South Asian families is to not let anyone know they get to you. You have to act like nothing they say matters. Eventually, they will see their bullying isn’t working and will move on. Most likely to another victim. By your time, and then move out when you can. Create distance. You’re already a great sister. Don’t let these people win. They wanted your sister to be unhappy.
OP I’m so sorry that your family prides itself on image than actually loving & supporting one another…literally say that to them the next time they run their mouths and finish with “since I now know all of you only care about optics, I’ll refrain from saving your lives next time.”
I feel like as long as your sister has your back, thats all that matters. Your family are enablers and shouldnt be trusted ANYWAY
You did the right thing, your loyalty lies with your sister. If she had found out later that you knew and didn’t say anything your relationship with her would have been damaged. Your sister needs to make it clear to your parents, cousins, family friends that she appreciates you bringing her ex-husbands infidelity to your attention and that HE is the one that destroyed the family by his actions not you by looking out for her and giving her the heads up and that anyone that blames you should probably question their own moral compass.
You did the right thing.
screw them, your sister matters most
Sounds like I would just go non-contact with my family they don’t sound worth the headache
This is an awful situation to find yourself in. Well-done for protecting your sister. A person who betrays thier partner is a person without integrity and in all likelihood screwing over people at work as well as other family members.
Unfortunately, you live in an environment where men cheating on their partners has been normalised.
You didn’t ruin the marriage, he did
I think the major problem should be your sis, because let’s think about the situation in retrospect, every marriage has its own dynamic, rules, arrangements, etc, so we do not know if she gave him a hall pass, we do not know if they are swingers, or if she could forgive such a thing, in that cases they will have to live with the shame from the whole people who knows, because everyone will expect something from your sis, and maybe is not what she wants to do, so in that way getting in its like putting some pressure on your sister about her decision, luckily, I think you know her well enough and acted the best, she is ok with you and you can give a single f..k about other people, even family…
I’m so sorry that your family would prefer your sister to be cheated on and lied to than to rock the family boat of comfort they seem to be clinging on to. You did the right thing. Your sister says you did the right thing. Tell your family to shove off!
This is real time reality of how little your family thinks of your sister.
They believe their inconveniences are more important than her suffering, and would have rather her suffer than simply being told the truth.
Nah, you did the right thing. The only person who should have an opinion is your sister, and she thanks you.
If anybody blames you in the future, put it down to them showing their own true colors. They’d have rather your sister live a lie than… Her marriage break up? It’s not even their own.
Cheaters get away with their cheating because someone else (their affair partner, friend, etc.) is too gutless to say anything. I wish any of the handful of asshats who knew about my husband’s affair would have grown some balls to tell me long before I found out, but they’re spineless cowards and that’s their failing. (Bet they backpedaled when I called them out on it, too. “This is none of our business.” Yeah, you made it yours when you actively aided the AP and now I see you.)
Write them off, even if they’re family. They’re making it their business so next time they say something, “so now I know you would rather I let my sister be cheated on. I’ll know never to expect you to protect me in a similar situation”.
The neighbor’s house burning down will always be your business, and you have every right to call 911.
Own being the pariah. Walk with your head high in the room. You have nothing to be ashamed about.
Yes, you are that person that saved your sister from a cheater. Be aghast at their audacity to think otherwise. If they have something to say, tell them to say it louder and to your face.
Be incredulous at their judgement when they give you a response. Shake your head in disappointment before you walk off and say, “I would do it again.” Hell, go even further and warn them all to not get caught cheating in your presence lest they fear getting exposed.
Roll your eyes at the fact that you are the one getting blamed and not her philandering husband.
When you are by yourself and starting to question yourself, stop that and drop a smirk. Laugh at the fact that you are being branded as the villain! Shrug your shoulders and realize that you and your sister are the only sane ones in your family.
Turning on the lights in a room filled with cockroaches is never received well by the roaches.
For what it’s worth, I am proud of you. You took everything into consideration, decided that this was the right thing to do, and followed through. The rest of the family is displacing their anger onto you (because it’s “safe” to be mad at you, since divorce has a LOT of ramifications for them and they have to be mad at someone).
Omg I felt this one to the core!!! So proud of you stay strong and true to you !! They will come to their senses eventually and by that time you will have realized you are much happier without them and their toxic mindset/ way of living you are not comfortable ignoring the obvious especially when it is hurting someone you care about! I went through this with my oldest sister and her soon to be ex husband … I have learned unfortunately this world is full of cowards, even the ones that claim to always keep it real and tell it like it is ! People in denial HATE HEARING THE TRUTH. Most families want to appear perfect for the world and others around them but that is a way to avoid facing reality . It is not okay to expect others to lie to you , with you, and for you. It feels conflicting internally and causes you to speak up … At least this happened to me …
Back story below:
I went through this with my oldest sister her husband groped me at their house warming in late January 2022. The first week in February we fell out due to me telling her (mind you I dreamed he tried to rape me a few weeks before the house warming, and had started feeling this evil presence in their home not to mention seeing black shadow figures shaped like a man about 6ft 2 tall moving out the corner of my eye in their home then I started seeing them head on but they would scatter and look like black dust when they realized I could see them … Terrifying… I was the outcast for telling the truth for 2 years almost 3… They are pending court for divorce this November… I didn’t know she had all this going on She called me last week for the first time in almost 3 years to tell me everything he was cheating with the female cousin I warned her about 4 years ago, women at work, the list goes on… His daughter thinks he is so interested in men… That female cousin I told her about practices witch craft and now he does too… Like. Witch and warlock twisted romance… She never apologized … I told her I was proud of her and did not make matters worse by saying I told you so like she was expecting me to but damn the mistreatment when I didn’t do anything wrong… I have more memories to share but I have gotten used to being away from their toxic behavior and negative spirits they entertain… I feel happier and safer and proud that I can trust my gut because this is a crazy world and sometimes hard to make sense of ‼️‼️‼️The rest of the family is going on a vacation next month that I was not invited to and I was barely upset growth feels good I immediately thought of all the pain they have caused me and started laughing like lol I am dodging a train wreck edit : oldest sister told our sister that I was telling the truth about him and wasn’t lying, but for whater reason she can’t bring herself to admit I was not a lying home wrecker like she tried to paint me… SMH but life goes on try to laugh as much as you can 🌹
You didn’t destroy anybody’s marriage. Your sister’s husband did that. And yes, marriages have ups and downs, and the two people in this marriage decided to divorce. Not your fault.
So, what secrets do they have they don’t want you to find out?
She’s your sister. You had to tell her. The way I see it, it wasn’t even a choice.
They rear of your family are AH; they condone the cheating.
Wtf?!
To everyone here who commented, Thank you, you guys made me feel alot better 🙂
You said it yourself, your sister doesn’t blame you. That should say every you need to know. Your family needs to take their own advice and stop meddling
As difficult as this might be, anyone that’s NOT your sister doesn’t matter. The person who you were looking out for appreciates what you did for them and that was the end goal. Everyone else can suck an egg because it’s not as if their marriages or relationships came to an end. Family is weird in general but something else will happen and they will all move on
You did well. You can’t destroy something that was already destroyed. It’s sad your family doesn’t care to see that.
Sounds like you and sister should do things on the holidays together, away from the rest of the family.
Don’t let them beat you down. You did the right thing. He destroyed that marriage not you. Next time just tell them it’s unfortunate they feel that way. Then excuse yourself and leave the conversation.
You did the right thing.
Anyone saying you “ruined their marriage” just tell them “no husband ruined it by putting his dick in other women. If you are ever cheated on and I know, I will make sure to not tell you since you would rather be left in the dark.”
Those kinds of people always baffle me. I’m sorry you are being made to feel responsible. This is why we say “don’t shoot the messenger”.
I agree with everyone cut contact with everyone but your sister. She’s the only one in your family who loves and respects you. She is also the only one who is worth your time.
You need to cut them off then. They’ll only want your downfall. Go find your real family and make it strong.
If how was your brother and you found out my wife was cheating on me and you didn’t tell me anything I would find you a culprit and co-conspirator and would probably end up taking your guts for the rest of our lives leaving me to live a lie. You did the right thing. No one can take that away. Tell the rest of your family that if they were in your shoes and kept their mouth shut they were sleeping in the same bed as your husband and the mistress.
Change your perspective immediately! You’re allowing them to have an impact on you! Do not take criticism from those you wouldn’t take advice from. These people would rather blame you than the cheating husband. They would rather fault you than think of your sister’s wellbeing. And now you’re slinking away as if you’re morally bankrupt…why? Hold your head up! You did what any loving sibling should do, look out for their sibling! You followed through on good family morals and values. There is no shame so why act like there is. When you feel their judgement, ask them why they support cheating? Are they cheaters that are scared they’d be left too? Ask them and see if they’ll tuck tail to get away from your logic! Even if you say nothing to them, know that you honoured your sister, followed your moral compass, and acted with integrity. None of the rest matters
Throw the whole family away. You did the right thing, without a question of a doubt. I know that culturally there may tend to be a lot of rug sweeping and looking the other way for the sake of ‘keeping the family together’ but your brother in law was a piece of crap and deserved every bit of what he got. Seriously though, now is a time to lean on friends and chosen family. Anyone who judges you, is showing their own true colors.
The one who you were looking out for feels great about it, so the rest of them can go find therapy.
That was some mighty fine sibling behavior IMO. Nicely done!
They all suck!!! If my husband was cheating and my sister knew and didn’t tell me and I found out after being so hurt I would be seriously pissed! You did the absolute right thing – why should your sister stay with a cheater? That isn’t an up and down that’s cheating!
OK, here’s one I like to repeat, often.
Whenever someone accuses you of “ruining” a marriage, friendship, etc, the way your family is doing, they are flat out wrong. You didn’t ruin it, the cheater is the one at fault for ruining it.
Always the cheaters fault.
The rest of your family are nitwit.
Yes, you and sis both have every right to cut them off.
You did the right thing, have you tried getting a bit pissed at them and giving them back the shame ? Like girl they should be ashamed if they defend this type of behavior !!
Good luck it’s probably super hard <3
No tell everybody that he ruined the marriage by cheating and they are horrible for making you the villain for doing the right thing
You should ask your mother if she thinks it would have been better had her ex-son in law brought home a dangerous sickness to her daughter because he was fooling around outside the marriage. If she says yes, then your mother is a monster, and you should tell her so.
Ask the people who are angry if it would have been better for your sister to find out after getting HIV or any other STD, cheating is not just a “bump in the road” people get seriously Ill from infections and even permanent diseases (google inflammatory pelvic disease) just because hubby wanted some fun, keeping appearances means 💩 if she ends up dead or sterile. Is an aspect that a lot of people won’t even think about. And yea she maybe got lucky and didn’t caught anything but also women have been 💀 or beat up because the affair partner got tired of “waiting”
an internet hug from a stranger, if you want it.
you did the right thing, and your sister approves. Lean on her, if you can.
The fact your sister is thankful says you did the right thing but now she needs to back you up with the rest of the family. They’re probably mad at you because you canceled their favorite reality show, which says a lot about them.
The next time they say something, ask them what they wanted you to do- forget that you heard the call? If they say, yes- then all you have to do is to confirm their answer in public and in front of, at least 1 other person. Make her say it out loud that your sister didn’t deserve to know that her husband was cheating on her. You are just getting clarification on that piece of advice. You just want to understand so you know how to navigate a similar situation in the future.
Next- I would recommend even further clarification on things like: WHEN IS IT OK to tell the truth? Or are you only lying to your sister? It sounds like you like you like your sister, and I could see that you might be hesitant to lie to her. /s
No. Just no. He cheated he stepped out no one else.
The only people who matter here are you and your sister. Good job on looking out for her.
The rest of it is noise. Do they condone their daughter, niece or cousin being cheating on for the sake of holy matrimony?
I’d send out one group text saying that you stood up for your sister, you don’t regret it, and you’d do it again. Their opinions don’t matter. Then go LC or NC for a while.
I’m sorry your family is treating you like this. It’s not fair and it’s not ok. The person directly affected by his cheating is glad that she knows so it’s not their business.
You could tell the mean/delusional family members that now you know they wouldn’t want to be told the truth in similar circumstances so they don’t have to worry. That if you ever found out their partner was a cheating pos you wouldn’t tell them bc they like being kept in the dark.
Good luck. I would suggest going as low contact as possible with those judgmental people. You and your sister can be true family that has each others backs.
It is not easy…as your whole situation isn’t easy…but try to just let them speak…and don’t listen. Don’t engage.
YOU KNOW that you did the right thing.
YOUR SISTER, who is the one who was cheated on by her AH husband, is thankful to you for telling her… something the rest of the family wouldn’t do or have done…as appearances are apparently more important than your sister and her feelings.
Let them talk. Ignore them.
Stay close with your sister…and don’t let others ruin things for you.
You did NOTHING wrong. On the contrary.
Tell them to stfu. You weren’t married. You didn’t stick your dick where it didn’t belong. Did they want your sister to be oblivious in her marriage while her husband cheats on her? What kind of parent wants that for their daughter. Disgusting.
Anyone condoning cheating are more than likely a cheater themselves. Dumbest shit ever, “marriage has its ups and downs” ugh this isn’t an up or down situation. You’re risking your partners health among many other things. With the way that people retaliate there’s no way, that can be excused.
You 1000% did the right thing. Sweeping things under the rug just keeps the bs going.
Your sisters feelings are the only ones that matter.
I’m petty so anytime people would say anything to me about it I would respond with “Wow, I didn’t know you approved of cheating! Is (their spouse) okay with that?”
Next family get together stand up and announce that you are sick of being treated like you did the the wrong thing and anybody who thinks it was wrong to call it out is obviously a cheater themselves and their guilt is showing in how you are being treated. Then thank them for showing you who they really are.
That should sort the cheater apologists out.
You didn’t ruin the marriage. He did. He did. Maybe he might not be caught if you said nothing. Or maybe she would have found out later down the line anyway. How much more damage would she go through before that happens? Your sister is very fortunate she has you for a sister.
Lmaooo your family is disgusting
Tell your family that you didn’t take your bils dick, and shove it into another woman. That the fault fully lies with your man whore nil
At the next holiday dinner I’d wear a shirt that says, “I’d do it again…✌🏾”
It was your sister you did the right thing
It’s tough doing hard things that we don’t want to do but we must do. People love to paint others for doing hard things like you are the bad guy. It’s sick and backwards and you should tell your family that they should take him in and replace him with you since they care so much about someone that was hurting their own daughter like wtf??
If you were my sister I’d be grateful.
No one else matters.
You did absolutely nothing wrong here. That interested part, which is your sister, thanks you, so that’s what matters.
You absolutely did the right thing.
I cannot fathom how anyone could blame you.
south asian culture on marriage and the worth of a women is so shit. your whole family is basically telling you the image portrayed to the outside world is more important than a persons life.
Is this about having a divorce in the family or about what the husband and his family brought to the family.
Well. Start saying that they are siding with the cheater everytime they say something.
Send the awkwardness right back to them.
“Oh, so you condone cheating?”
“Did you cheat on your spouse too?”
“Did you knew before me and hide from her?”
“You were happy with her been cheated?”
“If she caught an STI will you still onboard with him?”
Your parents, cousins, family friends, etc are shitty people. All you did was told the truth. If there’s a destroyed marriage, it’s your sister husband and sister. I would tell them to fsck off and get off your back, if they have problems they should go to them, not you
You didn’t destroy the marriage, his infidelity destroyed it. If you didn’t tell her now, she probably would have found out down the road, then found out you hid the knowledge from her. She’d have wasted years in a sham relationship.
Anyone giving you grief over this should be excised from your life on the grounds of their terrible morals. Why would they be so upset about his infidelity getting exposed?!
Seriously, what’s in it for them that they’re so upset?
He cheated and he ruined the marriage. Full stop. Tell them to pound sand. You love your sister and didn’t want her fooled by that loser. She deserves better and more importantly she deserved the truth.
If your sister doesn’t blame you, then who cares what the other people say.
Your sister’s happiness and freedom is more important than other people’s opinions.
Here’s the truth, people are saying things from their own perspectives.
1 – some people might have cheated on their spouse and they felt called out by you
2 – some people might have been cheated on, and they had kept quiet but they “had no other choice”, and now seeing your sister free from the burden, they’re upset by that, because they’re still trapped in the ugly marriage.
In the end, they’re projecting their hurt and anger at you. (Or basically telling your sister she has to suffer along like them)
So what you can do is, you can process the anger behind closed doors. You can yell at them, curse them, cuss them out, and scream and shout when you’re in your room. Do it for as long as you need. You can punch the bed hit the pillow and do whatever you need to to get that pain and hurt out.
And when you feel better, you can think about how you’d like to respond to them. If you don’t want to respond to them at all, that’s fine too.
Focus on how happy and free your sister is now.
And if you want, you can also find out how she is feeling and have a conversation with her, or even figure out alongside her how to respond to some of the negative comments, both directed at you, and at her.
Because here’s what I’m guessing, they’re also telling your sister she should let it go and stayed married.
So you two can come up with how you want to respond to that. Team up and lift each other’s spirits up.
Because there are only the two of you, so need to stick together.
You did well, doing the “right” thing is always against society expectations. It’s always an uphill battle.
I hope it helps, and I have free resources in post if you need anything else.
Sending you a lot of love and strength.
You did your sister a favor.. you just saved her years of heartache
I can’t believe how older generations STILL believe that the happiest state for a woman to be in is married! Ignore them all, you did the right thing. And your sister knows it.
Tell them, don’t worry, if I find out that they are cheating on you, I won’t say anything, in fact, I will sit and watch from afar and with amusement as they look at your stupid faces.
But as long as my sister is the horny one, I’m sorry, I’m going to say it because I don’t give a damn if they look at your stupid faces, but not my sister, I’m not going to tolerate anyone disrespecting her and if after telling her she had decided to stay, that would have been her problem, but at least I know that I speak up and don’t hide a betrayal like that. Because infidelity is a decision, not a fucking up and down. And what’s more, during the festivities I would make uncomfortable comments about their partners, to make them feel worse.
Updateme
Given the context of the situation you decided correctly because of the gratefulness she has for your action and obviously your family is in the wrong.
I do understand that culturally there are certain aspects that are told to be common or expected, however that doesn’t make them right. So please, ask your sister for help in this situation, tell her explicitly what your parents and other family members say about you.
Finally, I think it’s always better to be in the clear. I heard another story similar to OP’s, so I started asking people I care about whether they would like me to tell them or not if I ever found out their partner was cheating on them. Now I know what to do with every person I love.
You didn’t destroy the marriage it was already falling apart, you just pointed this out to your sister.
Your sister is not angry with you, and even thanks you. Everyone else’s opinions are completely irrelevant. Although even if she was mad at you, that’s not necessarily your problem. She could have decided to stay in the marriage despite learning he was cheating, she could have had her suspicions and just didn’t want to know for sure, she could have been aware and not cared, etc.. but she didn’t – she chose to divorce him. The point is you gave her the knowledge and respect that allowed her to make that decision for herself.
As a South Asian, i find it crazy that families are willing to look the other way over a cheating spouse, abuse, sexual assault from men but blame the women for telling the truth or choosing safety and peace. All to “save face”.
You did the right thing. Everybody loves the beautiful lie but hate the ugly truth.
Just tell them sure when i catch your SO cheating on you ill just stay quiet and laugh on the inside
You aren’t the villain. You are the hero.
The husband is the villain and your family is toxic AF.
Block anyone saying its your fault. Its not.
Ask the judgemental family members why they condone cheatingw and whether their partners know they think going behind their partners’ backs and having affairs is okay.
Your sister should stick up for you, when it comes to family
You did the right thing. Thank you for doing that.
The ones hating you are probably cheaters themselves. People who excuse that behavior are doing it or have done it. Most men in various cultures will step out of the marriage physically and always blame the woman for whatever reason. Her not being horny as she used to be is usually the reason . (Gee, can’t imagine why I dry up like the savannah when you’re around, Cheater who can’t even wash his own laundry) You did the right thing. Your sister deserves someone who is committed to her and the family. He doesn’t love her. If you truly love someone you would kill anyone who would hurt them.
The POS husband is to blame for the marriage failing and no one else. You saved your sister from scum. I would go low contact w the family that somehow disagrees.
He ruined their marriage sticking it where it didn’t belong,that’s on him.op saved her sister from her sham marriage.
People love us but not always in the way we deserve, they don’t always have the fine qualities we thought, the love of your sister is worth the love of a hundred people who have no integrity.
You did the right thing. Imagine the amount of pain if you didn’t tell your sister about it. Your relatives will soon realized how faulty they are in blaming you.
It sounds like your family is hiding secrets from one another and that you are the only one with enough of a back bone to stop that bad trait. I am proud of you! At the next family get together I would ask or state your feelings and ask why everyone is so upset, because I. Your and your sisters eyes you did the only option there was and you are not the one who broke up the marriage. He was, by cheating so be mad at him.
Learn very quickly your enemies can have the same blood line. It says alot about your parents and relatives and it’s not good.
If they are blaming you instead of blaming the man for cheating they are all ignorant idiots except for your sister.
The message is clear to me, if you see someone doing the wrong thing, irgnore it and pretend it’s not happening.
I would personally have a long sit down with each family member and have a very long lecture on the importance of integrity.
You didn’t destroy a marriage or a family. He did.
I told my friend that I saw her boyfriend holding hands with another girl at the mall. I did not confront him because she was supposed to be broken up with him but turns out she was secretly dating him again.
She blamed me for ruining her life. It’s been a few years and I still cannot forgive her attitude toward me. She keeps asking me to hang out but I been kinda ignoring it.
So yeah I understand how you feel with your family reacting like that
Why would the rest of your family condone adultery? Because that’s what they are doing by treating you like sh*t. You deserve better. You saved your sister. You did the right thing and you should be proud, you were brave. The rest of your family are cowards. Ups and downs in marriages do not justify cheating.
He’s the one who destroyed their marriage. You did what family is supposed to do, you protected your sister. What if the cheater had brought home a disease and infected her? Whose money was he using to support his relationship with the other woman? What if the mistress had gotten pregnant? Your family seems to care more for appearances than your sister’s health and well-being.
I hope your sister eventually finds a good man who treats her with the respect she deserves, and you can leave this toxic situation.
How did you destroy your sister’s marriage if you: A. Not married to her; and B.Not fucking your brother in law!? He destroyed hisnown marriage and got caught. You did the right thing for her dignity.
Tell your sister don’t get mad, get everything.
You ARE the good guy. Period.
Unfortunately you’re the one who is seen as the bad guy even if you’re the hero here. Your sister is appreciative of what you did.
Look into watching the show Shadow & Bone on Netflix. It’s fantasy but there’s a specific part where they talk about people always needing someone to blame. It’s such a good show.
Cheaters identify with cheaters and will defend them too. Male identified women will always come to the rescue of a man that is in the wrong. The next time your family members want to say something on the topic ask them if they have any confessions to make.
Both you and your sister need to remind your family it was HIM that broke the marriage by cheating.
I would just dig your heels in and hold your head high. Like, you can feel how you want. No regrets. If you want to hate me for protecting my sister bring it on. I’d make the same choice over and over again. Or if that’s the marriage YOU want, cool. But that’s not what I want and not what she wants. Go keep secrets in your own marriages and leave us alone.
Also for what it’s worth, cheating isn’t an “up and down” in a marriage. Your sisters response is all you need to know. You did the right thing through and through. Forget the rest of them.
Stupid people always attack and blame the person telling the truth.
Accept the fact your family would rather see people unhappy than being embarrassed by having a divorce in the family. Also tell them to shove it they can accept what they want but your sister deserves better everyone does
Emotional uno reverse them: “I am disappointed in YOU and ashamed that the parents I thought loved me and my sister would do nothing to protect us. Thank you for letting me know we are alone.”
You’ve been socialized to believe that you are only in the position of receiving their judgement (I’m also South Asian). You can also give it back to them. You did the right thing and should be proud of your sister for acting swiftly especially in the face of family judgement and social stigma. The BIL is the one who destroyed the family. Your parents are the ones acting shamefully now.
You did right. Everyone is basically saying that it’s ok in life to not protect the ones you love. Never stand up for that.
Be strong. Stick to your convictions.
Ask them, “so you’d be okay with your family knowing you’re being cheated on, but no one was telling you?”
You didn’t destroy their marriage, he did by cheating. And the fact those family members want to blame you not him makes me wonder about how honest they’ve been in their own marriages…
Come on. You did nothing wrong. Unless everyone in your family cheats and it is ok.
you did the right thing, i know it sucks that ppl you love and respect think otherwise, but you really did. just try to take comfort in that and hope that in time they will see that too.
they hate on you, but don’t hate on the husband for cheating? yeh. misplaced blame there bucco. that eventually would have come out, wife (sister) would have suspected something with money missing and unaccounted for, and husband not spending “free time” at home with wife. hubby blew up that marriage being unfaithful. glad your sister is on your side OP. got out of a unloving situation quicker. I do hope for her sake she finds someone more faithful to her.
Your sister should stand up for you.
Some people don’t have the guts to tell or to leave a bad marriage.
I hope your sister got tested for STDs.
Who here has endorsed cheating?
People rarely want to hear a truth that don’t align with their current delusion.
You did the right thing by being honest. Hold on to this value. I suspect your mother and family members who insulted you had similar experiences where their husbands flirted or have had serious affairs where they just closed their eyes, because the truths are too hurtful to bear. Next time when anyone tried gave you mean words, confront them with questions, just questions, no need for long talks as they won’t listen anyway.. Ask them “how do you know if your husbands had no affairs?”, or go straight to the point “how did you overcome your husbands infidelity?”. Alternatively, you stay strong in silence until you can be independent. I’m from one Asian country, I understand where you’re coming from. Stay calm.
You didn’t ruin their marriage, he ruined their marriage by having an affair. You saved your sister from wasting any more time with that asshole