I’m an adult who recently got out of a 10-year relationship and moved in with my mom to help her with bills and get my head straight again. I also have my own vehicle, but it needs new tires, and on top of that, I injured my back.
One night, I had an urgent job come up — a quote I needed to give in person, even if it was late, wouldn’t have been the first time going out with a flashlight. I desperately needed the work. My car was parked in the garage, which is extremely tight. In order to get it out, I had to recline the driver’s seat all the way, crawl out the back door, then slide around to open the garage door — something that, with my back injury, was nearly impossible.
As I was heading out, I passed by my mom’s car, which she usually leaves unlocked with the keys inside. It wasn’t planned or premeditated — it was a spur-of-the-moment decision. I thought, instead of hurting myself and and maybe havings to change a tire at night with a messed up backan to struggle my car out of the garage, I could borrow her car for an hour, top off the gas, and be back — no harm done.
I fully admit: I knew it wasn’t cool to take her car without asking. I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but I see now that it was a mistake. If the roles were reversed and she had taken my car without asking, I honestly wouldn’t have minded, as long as she returned it in one piece.
That night, I did the job, filled up her gas tank, came home, and — admittedly — forgot to mention I used her car. That was Thursday night.
A week later, the following Thursday, she confronted me at the door, asking why her car had been in Hampton. I assume she saw it on her EZ-Pass statement. I didn’t try to hide anything — I didn’t avoid tolls, I didn’t mess with the seat settings, or try to “cover my tracks.” That’s how little I thought of it at the time; it truly wasn’t done with bad intentions.
But to her, it felt like a huge violation and betrayal. She told me I was sneaking around, and asked me to pack my things and leave. I didn’t argue — I explained the situation, told her about my back and the urgent job, but ultimately, I respected her request and left.
Before I left, she mentioned turning the cameras on and changing the locks. That stung. I told her I didn’t have any copies of the keys and that I’d leave the ones I did have. I told her I’d walk away, no questions asked, if she didn’t want me there.
It hurt to feel like she sees me as someone who would sneak back into her home or do something dishonest. I understand she was upset, and I admit I should have asked. But now that it’s been a week, I can’t help but wonder if the reaction was a little extreme. Maybe this was just the final straw, or maybe she had other reasons and this was just the excuse.
Everything had been going so well. I miss her, and I hate that I’m in this situation. I love my mom very much, and I never meant to disrespect her or make her feel unsafe.
I guess I just needed to share this and ask — am I crazy for thinking it wasn’t that big of a deal? I take full responsibility for not asking. I didn’t lie or try to cover it up, but I also didn’t bring it up, and that was a mistake.
Thanks for reading. I’d genuinely appreciate any feedback or thoughts on this.
Comments
Not sure but it either she has emotional issues , was hiding something in the car and feels violated , or something HAS built up! And she’s being resentful !
I know enough to know that mothers who care about their kids do NOT react this way for such a small transgression.
No, ytah
if you needed her car then you ask, its just the decent thing to do you had the option of using your own car.
Here is the thing if you dont tell her you are using her car and she wakes up calls police because to her its been stolen, she has no idea its her idiot son who doesnt talk about the bullshit hes doing has it.
The car comes back, but the stress of the car being stolen was still real. . .
Dont use other peoples shit without permission or informing them, especially if it is something as important and expensive as transportation.
I do think she overreacted but you are the asshole here.
Her trust of you seems very thin. I reckon there is a lot you are not mentioning here. History of drug issues I’m guessing?
It’s not really about asking but you should have told her the next day. Like “hey hope you didn’t mind I had to use your car last night”.
It’s weird you never mentioned it to her.
People usually don’t like finding out things about their loved ones from other sources aka EZ Pass.
Thank you for sharing all of that. It really sounds like you’re doing your best to navigate a lot right now.
Reading your post, what really stands out is how much care and responsibility you’re already bringing to the situation.
Something I find myself wondering is how your mom might have felt in the time leading up to this. When you moved in, was she fully at ease with it, or was there something underneath the surface for her that didn’t get talked about? Living together again as adults can bring up all kinds of layers, even if it’s done with the best intentions. I’m curious if there were unspoken feelings or expectations that were already simmering before the car moment happened.
The fact that she mentioned turning on the cameras and changing the locks sounds like it came from a place of wanting to feel safe or in control. I wonder what that moment represented for her, and what it touched in her that might go beyond what actually happened with the car. Not to justify her reaction, just noticing how complex this might be.
It’s clear that you love her and that you didn’t mean to cause harm. Sometimes one situation opens the door to a much older conversation that hasn’t had space yet. You’re holding both your experience and hers with a lot of thoughtfulness, and that says a lot.
Wherever things go from here, I hope there’s space to rebuild trust with your mother. Best of luck.
What are you not telling?
Idk why people thought she overreacted. You could’ve woken her up to ask for it. You treated it like it was your car to use. Now imagine god forbid something happened and she needed it? Or imagine the stress of seeing it was in Hampton and not having a clue as to how?
Your story is a bit sketchy ? If I was her, not knowing your past , I wouldn’t trust you either. Sorry !! As a Mama I know she has good reason for her harsh actions
It feels to me like there’s a backstory to why your Mom feels like this; something you’re leaving out, perhaps.