I don’t know if this will get banned or not but I just need to scream/cry into the void for a few minutes.. I’ve had quite a few painful losses in my life this past year on top of already having ptsd from losing patients to covid (I’m a cna) .
I have been overwhelmed , stressed to the max & just was at my breaking point so a couple days ago I tried . If my neighbor would’nt have seen me , I wouldn’t be here right now . I’m mad that they stopped me . I’m even more stressed & full of anxiety . I just don’t know where to go from here or what to do to get help . Everyone is saying “take it one day at a time , tomorow will be better” I don’t want a tomorrow at all .
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How old are you? What type of support do you have? Friends, family? Who is with you, who can you run to?
No one knows the right thing to say. Understand that your brain is in survival mode and trying to protect itself, the only way you logically (albeit wrong) see to do that is to turn out the lights so to speak. You have no safe space right now, and your brain is trying to find a way out, but your mental illness is clouding that judgment.
Start small. Do you have a support system? Your neighbor? A friend? Family? Even if you don’t, reach out to your doctor and get a referral to a psychologist. If you can’t afford it or have insurance coverage problems, search up resources for your situation. There’s always an answer.
My mom died last year suddenly and unexpectedly and I attempted to take my life several times. I have an extremely small support system (my partner) who worked 12 hour days. No therapy. Just me raw dogging my demons. I would not recommend this. I have bad days and good days, it’s the ebb and flow of life. I don’t feel suicidal currently, I took life slow, checked in with myself, and suffered. Get help, you are capable of feeling better.
I’m not trained in suicide risk reduction, although I’ve studied it a bit. So I can not ethically attempt to help in that manner. But I can tell you I read your rant and I can feel your pain. It is okay to feel the pain, but please don’t let suicide take you from this world.
Have you tried seeking professional help? You can use psychtoday to find a counselor or a mental health institution if you are worried for your safety. If you do not want to to publicly talk about how you are feeling I’m willing to listen if you dm me.
Don’t make a permanent decision over a temporary feeling. Try talking to a therapist, friend, or relative. We all deal with loss and grief. Life is bittersweet that way, you just have to learn to enjoy the good moments when they happen. Life is hard, but you take away the chance of it ever getting better if you aren’t here. People don’t realize the impact something like this has on the people around them. Don’t make them tell you how they feel over a casket, reach out and talk to someone who cares. Or better yet be that person you wish you had.
What I can tell you is working in the medical field, doing anything at all, is difficult and can take a toll on you.
Don’t even focus on tomorrow or later today, focus on what you need right now. I had to learn this the hard way very recently, if you do not allow for rest, your body and mind will force you to and it’s scary because you won’t even know how your body will handle it. Unfortunately, sometimes our mental health might decline and we might unfortunately experience these thoughts.
Do what you need to do to at least stay here. As long as it’s not hurting you, do it. Take a day off work, eat what you want, do any activity you want, do what refreshes you and makes you feel better. When you get the strength, go find help. Go to your primary doctor if you have one, or even just find any resources that can help you in any sort of way.
Follow what your body calls for that is anything but harm to yourself. This isn’t the end for you! This is just a low point, it doesn’t mean anything besides being overwhelmed to the max and your body forced you into a break. You will be okay, no doubt, if you’re still alive, you still have happiness coming to you very soon. If you haven’t heard it, I’m proud of you. Regardless of who you are or what I do or don’t know about you, I am so proud of you and I know you will be okay.
I feel ya playa. I can relate. Keep pushing, you are needed and appreciated.
Go where you don’t want to off yourself
Are you in the US? There are free hotlines, besides the suicide prevention line, you can call to just talk to someone. They may be able to get you pointed in the right direction to get help you can afford.
Check out warmlines.org.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing these feelings. I hope you find a solution that works for you, but keeps you here on this plane, where people still need you.
Start with… God loved you enough to keep you. If you are still here, you have work to do love. Keep in mind whatever the of life you are in.. is NOT the final stage . Things can always change . And you are VALUABLE. The world and life has a way of making us feel like shit or worthless. Be in the world the world but not of it. Don’t let the evils of the world consume you because there IS beauty in life . Sometimes we have to fight for it.. but there is light at the end of the tunnel if you just keep faith and believe . And I know I don’t know you ! But you are loved !! reach out if you ever need to talk !
I’m really sorry to hear this mate… I know that this solution will be mocked by redditors, but have you maybe tried to read some inspirative books, religious books or maybe watch some movie with that thematics?
A lot of people found a solution listening to religious speeches and watching inspirative movies like “Yes man” or something like that…
You need to check yourself in the hospital. (You already know this) Don’t be ashamed, we all need mental breaks at times.
I imagine you’ve helped hundreds, if not thousands of people doing what you do. Now is time to help yourself. Please go to the hospital so you can get the help you need and deserve. We all need you here.