I had aways had a pretty good relationship with most of my family before the accident, but leading up the year before it had all flipped they had moved me to Florida and then into a trailer park,
And even now that place was some of the worst places I have ever been, there was six other kids(all homeschooled so no outside influence) who lived there five of which were boys and one other girl who was couple of years younger than me.. I had made some friends at first and it was all going steadily but it quickly fell downhill, most if not all of my peers were drinking alcohol, that there drunkard parents didn’t even notice was missing.. at the time my parents had also begun drinking maybe to just be accepted into the area
Or due to the stress… I had quickly developed depression (most likely?) and began losing most if not all my willingness to live. But with that I was becoming to unbothered to even off myself or take a shower standing up, I believe that in my own way I had tried to fix what was happening I was leaving the house everyday and seeing the other kids in the park .. but none of it helped they had began to become meaner or I was just noticing more. And I hadn’t talked to my dad or mother in days going more often than not without seeing them for more than 30mins a day But moving on the day before it happened I had stolen around a hundred bucks total just trying to get a feeling of something anything even if it was just more paranoia
My dad had found out he was pissed he had told me I was an idiot and how I wasn’t his daughter
Once he had said that I made a petty excuse I had said I was on my period and asking for some pain medicine.. he had said no and to go clean the shed white he raged inside the house the had grabbed me by the ear and pulled me inside the camper after around 15mins? before he stormed off and left that was when I had my moment
I took a whole bottle of mini cold pills (around an unopened 400 count) and put as many in my hands as I could.. I had had many thoughts of ending it this way but I had just started to realize I’ve now taken the pills and it was over
I was calling out of the camper bathroom by my mom she had told be to clean out all my shit from the camper bunk bed as I did that I had started to see visions and hallucinations and almost fell off the bunk bed
That’s when she knew something was wrong she had asked me what I had done what was wrong with me but, I was already on the floor begging my dad to not hurt me and to just leave me alone saying I would pay him back. It was all a hallucination I had gained some control of myself and begged my mom to go to sleep, which she didn’t let me instead she had force fed me sandwiches and charcoal pills, when my dad got back, he had said that I was imitating his mom who had overdose and died and thought it was stupid and cowardly of me to take easy way out instead of facing it and thought it was all my choices anyway that got me there.. and then it was never brought up again. They had begun bringing me to work every day around three months maybe and it was never brought up after that… am I wrong for still thinking about it?
Also sorry for long post!
Comments
Healing takes time, and remembering doesn’t mean you’re stuck it means you’re still trying to make sense of what you survived.
I don’t think it’s wrong to feel hurt about that situation. You were very young, had abusive parents, and not a lot of support from anywhere. It’s totally normal and ok to feel hurt by that.
It takes a long time and effort to not be bothered by the hurt. I ignored it. That worked until it didn’t and then it really didn’t. It’s probably a good idea to face these issues when you’re in a supportive place or with professional assistance. But yeah. I’m hurt for you. That’s an awful environment at that age.