I’m not proud of this, but I was broke. Funeral homes had food. No one questions a quiet guy in black. So I started attending random services.
Most of the time I’d just nod, maybe shake a hand, grab some sandwiches, and leave. But once, someone mistook me for “cousin Ray.” I panicked and said, “yeah, I’m Ray.” One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was standing at the podium.
I gave a completely improvised speech about a man I never met. I cried. THEY cried. I hugged the widow.
They sent me home with Tupperware.
Comments
If this is real then this is hilarious and sad at the same time.
I believe there is nothing wrong with what you have done. Your being there, even if no one knew who you were, added to the comfort those grieving families and individuals experienced. The feeling of community and extended or shared grief helps comfort.
To me, you were like the paid mourners in some Islamic traditions. Only, you were working for food and not money.
So, rather than feeling shame or lack of pride, realize that you took part in a behavior that is part of the rich tapestry of our shared human history.
From food thief to accidental grief counselor… truly a career arc no one saw coming, not even the dearly departed.
Damn you got dumped and hurt, pretend to be vegan, and sneak into funerals?! Why not be an author and write legitimately interesting short stories based on these scenarios and not reddit posts you delete if the karma is unfavourable?
Next time, just say you were a friend. Not close friends but a friend.
This is so blunt and ridiculous I believe you.
Plot twist: there is no Cousin Ray and everyone else there was also freeloading.
Use a long screw. Screw it into the tp. Pull it out. Or some forceps.
Good for you getting food this way. I knew of a woman that went to funerals to meet a man to marry
This is a probable story, therefore interesting.
I fully imagined this as
Fight Club. Special DVD feature – Deleted Scenes. “The funerals”
Finally a good confession and not a scripted story about fucking the neighbor.
This seems like that movie with Vince Vaughn
Amateur! I can attend 3 or 4 funerals a day sometimes. Fair enough I’m getting paid like.
Hats off to you. You do what you have to, to carry on. I’d prefer a bunch of strangers then to have a full room of mostly folks my Dad disliked at his funeral.