This has been sitting heavy on my chest for a while now, and I guess it’s finally time to let it out.
Back in senior high school, I fell for this guy — let’s call him “R.” We were classmates back then. We weren’t super close at first, but over time we started talking more, working on projects together, and I slowly started to catch feelings. Deep ones.
Eventually, I confessed.
And no, he didn’t reject me… but he didn’t choose me either. He told me he was a “study first” kind of guy. Said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and wanted to focus on his goals. He asked if we could stay friends — and I said yes.
But truthfully? I waited. For three years.
And while I waited, I gave him everything I could. I spoiled him with kindness, time, energy — everything. Even though we weren’t “together,” I made him a priority. He made me feel like I mattered just enough to stay hopeful. But never enough to feel chosen.
When we both got into the same university for college, I thought, ‘Maybe this is it. Maybe this is our time.’ Even though we were in different programs — he went into Education, and I took Psychology — just knowing we were in the same school again felt like some kind of sign.
But then I saw him.
With another girl.
He was holding her hand. Laughing. Looking at her the way I had only dreamed he’d look at me.
It broke me.
He told me he wasn’t ready. That he wanted to focus on himself. But the truth is — he was ready. Just not for me.
And that realization cut deeper than any breakup ever could. Because it wasn’t just heartbreak — it was three years of waiting, of hoping, of being kept as a “maybe.” I was never his choice. Just his comfort. His convenience.
He never really did anything wrong. He never promised me anything. But he knew how I felt, and he let me stay in his orbit. Close enough to be useful. Far enough to never be committed.
And now… I’m done.
If anyone out there is waiting for someone who “isn’t ready,” please remember this: if someone truly wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you — no conditions, no excuses. Love should feel certain, not like you’re standing in the waiting room of someone else’s indecision.
I deserve better. And slowly, I’m learning to believe that.
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Thanks for letting me share this. I’ll be okay. Just needed to finally let go.
Comments
Thank you. I needed this so much. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I’ve been in that position before and it hurts so bad so I can only imagine how you felt. I feel like I’m close to being in this position again but with a different person. Your story and ur words helped me to understand that I don’t deserve to be someone’s maybe. You didn’t deserve that either. You deserve so much more than that.
“if someone truly wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you – no conditions, no excuses. Love should feel certain, not like you’re standing in the waiting room of someone else’s indecision.”
You worded this so beautifully. I will always remember this!