For context, my bf and I have been together for 6 years. He’s a boy, I’m a girl, and we are both 27 and live together.
I’m not a fashionista, but I like dressing nicely. – my bf doesn’t really care about clothes. He doesn’t have a « style ». Just normal classic boy clothes. Throughout our relationship I « accompanied » him into buying nice and simple clothes – always with his approval and sometimes even excitement when realising he looks good.
The problem is shoes. He comes from a sportive family, that almost only wears trainers on a daily basis. My bf isn’t that into sports, but likes the confort of running shoes (but not the whole training outfit: classic pants, tshirt + trainers combo). Plus they’re not your stylish sneakers, its really the running shoes, huge neon soles that he bought in Décathlon (REI for the americans).
I find them quite ugly and a few years ago I managed to convince him that his deskjob did not need him to wear his comfortable trainers everyday, and he chose a pair of Vans. He likes them, wears them most of the time and buys the same pair when they become too worned out.
My issue is that when we have to go run some errands/buy groceries, or go on vacation, or plan to roam around the city for a day (we live in Paris) he only wants to wear his trainers, because we will be walking and he wants comfort.
When we go hiking in the mountains it’s alright! But when we go visit Rome or some seaside city for a weekend I can’t. I can’t deal with the tshirt/jeans/trainers combo, I find it really unattractive…
Sometimes he surrenders and wears his Vans, but sometimes he tells me to suck it up and wears his trainers, I try to but really its not goodlooking and I find myself less attracted to him.
I suggested he buys some « intermediate » shoes, maybe newbalance or something else, mixing style and comfort for those occasions. But he refuses, saying that it’s overconsumption and that he doesn’t need 3 pairs of shoes.
He also says that I’m kind of an a-hole for always commenting on his shoes, that I should let him wear what he wants. But he doesn’t accept that it’s an important matter for me.
Should I stop pushing him? Am I a bad gf, forcing my opinion of style on him and choosing looks over his comfort ? Is it normal to find my love less attractive just because of shoes ? What should I do to make the situation better, or acceptable for both of us ?
Thanks !!
TL;DR my bf likes to wear running shoes for comfort but I find them unattractive. He refuses to buy other shoes. What should I do ?
Comments
What else do you want to change him?
>>Should I stop pushing him?
Yes. He is who he is.
Good lord if my attraction to my boyfriend was so fragile that his shoes made me not attracted to him, I’d probably just leave. My boyfriend is so handsome he could wear a potato sack and he’d still be the only person in the room I would look at.
Yes, you are a bad girlfriend. Either love him for who he is or let him go
Why does it matter?
Is he wearing them to weddings and stuff? Or just out in public.
I pretty much only wear Brooks running shoes… I have a pair for work, a pair for running, an old pair for yardwork… and a “nice” pair for public things. My nice pair is all black, though.
I have flat feet, and supportive shoes help me a lot, especially if I’m spending a lot of time on my feet.
This is such a weird thing to have a relationship issue about. Sounds like you’re looking for things to have a problem with. If this is your biggest issue, you guys have a good relationship, unless you continue to make a big deal about small things like this.
I’m a woman and have so many feet issues. I’d love to wear nice shoes but I need comfort over style. Walking on flat can still be a trigger, even a short walk on my lunch break can be painful if I’m not wearing the right shoes. Let the man be comfortable! It’s not like he’s dressing in dirty or ripped clothes or anything.
You should give it a rest. When you’re going to do a lot of walking, him having comfortable shoes to do that job is orders of magnitude more relevant than you not liking the way they look.
Once it becomes time for him to buy new trainers, you can discuss him getting a pair of trainers that is more aesthetically pleading, but beyond that just let it go. And give some thought about why you’re pushing this so hard in the first place, when it’s really not that important.
OP you’re gonna get a lot of hate but I get it. As someone fashion-conscious sometimes I just want a little more effort from my partner as well. I had an ex who wanted to wear flip flops all over the place and it definitely gave me the ick.
Not sure there is a great solution though. Maybe you could buy him a decent looking pair of comfortable shoes? There’s a chance he might not be happy about that though. I basically started buying all my husband’s clothes, he was pretty neutral on it but he came around when he started getting a bunch of compliments and realized he doesn’t have to worry about clothes much at all.
The only time I worry about what shoes my boyfriend is wearing is it seems like his feet are hurting him. Generally he wears “trainers” as you call them, but if they’re starting to get worn out they hurt his feet. Then I recommend buying a new pair of trainers.
I can’t imagine my attraction to him being impacted by his footwear. That doesn’t even make sense. Does he keep them on when you make love?
It sounds like your real concern is your boyfriend looking fashionable enough while you’re out in public. That feeling of being “less attracted” you feel is just your own insecurity in how others will perceive you by being with him.
Yes you are kinda being an AH here by trying to change what he wears.
Also the fact that you want him to change shoes but expect HIM TO BUY NEW SHOES is kinda fked up??
You should buy him new shoes if you want him to have some fancier shoes to wear. But obviously buy something he actually still likes and accept that they are for occasion only <- probably the only compromise here.
For example, I could understand your pain if he wore trainers to a wedding. Or if y’all attended some event or fancy restaurant and he didn’t follow the dress code (tho I feel like they’d probably kick you out)
I’m slightly more sympathetic to you than the other comments here.
As a guy, if my gf wanted me to wear something I’d be down for it (within reason – like you said I’m not wearing fashionable shoes on a hike). Likewise, I’ve not been interested in girls who dress in a way I don’t find attractive.
So from my pov the logical solution is that he take the compromise with NB or something. For me relationships are often built on compromises and it’s an easy win to be more attractive to my gf.
But, yeah you tried that and he doesn’t want to. Which leaves you with the choice of either getting over it or not. I do agree with other comments that probably the most sensible choice is to indeed get over it, since the only alternative is breaking up over trainers.
If it’s just a date night and you’re going to a fancy restaurant then I could understand the runners being a problem, but expecting him to be uncomfortable every day with foot pain just to appease a certain look is a little bit shallow and unkind.
It’s like if he would ask you to strictly wear high heels everywhere. You know by the end of one long night, the best relief is to have those shoes off. Why ask that of him? They’re just shoes.
And no, not “boy / girl”. You are adults, not teenagers. Man/woman.
If he was pushing you to do something, you wouldn’t like it. You can either be with a guy who really cares about his looks and what other people think, or a guy that doesn’t really care.
I’m married to the guy that doesn’t really care and we don’t post pics on social media whatsoever to impress others, and we have a wonderful peaceful life accepting each other. My spouse is way more than what he wears. And makes great money but you’d never know looking at him 😁
Get him some Cole Haan. Looks formal while being comfortable as anything else. A bunch of them even don’t have shoe laces so you can just slip it on.
You are going to push him away by obsessing over the shoes. Also idk why the shoes matter when its for everyday tasks like groceries?? Roaming the city it would make sense to have your comfortable shoes on because you are walking a lot. The only compromise I see is when his current trainers wear out, you could maybe suggest he gets some neutral colored looking replacements. It seems you dislike the ones he has because they are neon so maybe he could get some black/white/grey ones. But honestly I would not push him so much on this because you are just going to piss him off and it sounds unreasonable. He already did buy a pair of Vans for you so he made some compromises on his end.
The fact that you’re even asking this question on the internet means you know you’re being ridiculous. I’ve never once considered telling my boyfriend what to wear. He’s attractive to me all the time, it’s part of why I choose to be with him. If shoes are that important to you, find someone who also feels the same way about his shoes, otherwise get over yourself.