Hello all. My fiance (M27) and I (F25) are getting married in less than 5 months. His friend (M27) is getting married in August. My fiance is a groomsmen. The friend who is getting married is a groomsmen in our wedding too. They’ve known each other since middle school.
We got the official invite and RSVP in the mail last week and were surprised to see I wasn’t invited. My fiance texted his friend to ask if I was invited and he said something along the lines of having limited space and having to make “hard decisions” on who to invite.
In my experience you ALWAYS invite the spouses/committed partners of the members of your wedding party. Also, out of their 6 groomsmen only me and one other partner of a groomsmen aren’t invited. So they invited ALL other groomsmen partners except for me and someone else.
I’ve never been close to this friend or his soon to be wife because of political and religious differences but we have always been kind and respectful of each other. The soon to be wife didn’t like the posts I was making on Instagram but she only messaged me once about it so I didn’t think it was a big deal. She’s conservative, rich, and super Christian if that gives any additional context. The other partner of a groomsmen not invited was a man (the groomsmen is gay and they didn’t invite his partner). I don’t think that was a coincidence…
Additional context: The total wedding guest count is rumored to be 53 guests so very small. One groomsmen who gets to bring his fiance lives out of state from us so they’ve only met his partner once while we’ve hung out many times. Our wedding is only 65 guests and we made sure to have space for everyone’s partners for ALL guests.
I know it’s not rational but I want my fiance to decline their invitation because they didn’t invite me. I feel disrespected and also wedding and social event culture is to recognize couples as a set, a unit. You invite one, you must invite both. I know that may be changing but damn.
Anyways, needed to rant. I’m not going to ask my fiance to decline. I would never do that. Why cause drama unnecessarily?
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Backup of the post’s body: Hello all. My fiance (M27) and I (F25) are getting married in less than 5 months. His friend (M27) is getting married in August. My fiance is a groomsmen. The friend who is getting married is a groomsmen in our wedding too. They’ve known each other since middle school.
We got the official invite and RSVP in the mail last week and were surprised to see I wasn’t invited. My fiance texted his friend to ask if I was invited and he said something along the lines of having limited space and having to make “hard decisions” on who to invite.
In my experience you ALWAYS invite the spouses/committed partners of the members of your wedding party. Also, out of their 6 groomsmen only me and one other partner of a groomsmen aren’t invited. So they invited ALL other groomsmen partners except for me and someone else.
I’ve never been close to this friend or his soon to be wife because of political and religious differences but we have always been kind and respectful of each other. The soon to be wife didn’t like the posts I was making on Instagram but she only messaged me once about it so I didn’t think it was a big deal. She’s conservative, rich, and super Christian if that gives any additional context. The other partner of a groomsmen not invited was a man (the groomsmen is gay and they didn’t invite his partner). I don’t think that was a coincidence…
Additional context: The total wedding guest count is rumored to be 53 guests so very small. One groomsmen who gets to bring his fiance lives out of state from us so they’ve only met his partner once while we’ve hung out many times. Our wedding is only 65 guests and we made sure to have space for everyone’s partners for ALL guests.
I know it’s not rational but I want my fiance to decline their invitation because they didn’t invite me. I feel disrespected and also wedding and social event culture is to recognize couples as a set, a unit. You invite one, you must invite both. I know that may be changing but damn.
Anyways, needed to rant. I’m not going to ask my fiance to decline. I would never do that. Why cause drama unnecessarily?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Personally if my partner was invited to a wedding and I’m not invited, I wouldn’t have to ask him not to go. He most likely would be more mad than me that I’m not invited. Does your fiancé have similar views to them that he’s not sharing?
That sucks. But you said it yourself… you’ve never been close to them because of religious and political differences. Personally, I’d be thrilled if the chance came for me not to go. I dont understand why you’re feeling so disrespected when you don’t really even like these people.
Let your fiance go. Have a couple of days to do something nice for yourself while your guy is away.
Honestly, I would talk with your fiance and ask him to uninvite them to your wedding.
Don’t start with that. But get his thoughts on the matter and discuss options.
Ask yourself if these are people you want at your wedding.
Assuming the gay groomsman’s partner was excluded because he’s gay, I’d be very disappointed in my partner if they attended a wedding thrown by bigots.
Obviously, super disrespectful to not invite you, but the bigotry is actually a bigger issue.
So she’s one of those lovely Christian bigots who can’t stand anyone who doesn’t agree with her narrow worldview. I’d ask your fiancé not to go as well as uninviting them from your own wedding.
You can feel disrespected because they disrespected you. However, you need to make it your husband’s decision to drop out of the wedding. Voice your opinion and then be okay with what he decides. Why? Because this is not the hill. Making this an issue puts their politics in the middle of your relationship.
If you’re engaged, you’re now a team. By not inviting the fiancee (you), they are showing disrespect towards your fiance.
They are disrespecting his relationship while expecting him to respect theirs.
Your fiance hasn’t figured this out for himself?
You cannot force your fiancé if he wants to go. But YOUR wedding: YOUR decisions. And you’re allowed to choose people who respect and appreciate BOTH of you.
I’d remove her (at least her) from the guests list, then tell him: you are right! Sometimes we need to make hard decisions.
Lol I would be relieved that I didn’t have to go if I were in your shoes
I would disinvite the friends partner from your wedding. Yeah, it’s petty, but it’s clear you are not invited just because she doesn’t like your views, and I’d assume you. Then they excluded a gay partner, which makes sense if you’re a liberal and she is against your views, and most likely doesn’t like gay people. They probably are only okay with the gay groomsmen because of the history.
I would bring all this shit up to my partner and the gay partner of the other groomsmen. The couple sounds like a bunch of assholes. Even if they don’t agree with your views and his lifestyle, they really have to deliberately exclude you to an event that your friends and partners are all a part of. You really have to look at how fucked up they are to go that far to invite everyone else except you two.
So for sure that girl would be uninvited. I’d just say we are so sorry, but we went over the details, and we had to shorten the number of guests to xx to fit the venue. Or the caterer can only serve a party of xx due to another large booking they have that day.
Idk, maybe I’m overreacting, but I think they were very obvious about how they don’t want you guys there and why. To not invite you when your partners are literally part of the wedding is saying a lot, in my opinion. Like they really didn’t want you there that bad that they didn’t care about offending you or making you guys feel bad and excluded or making it awkward for your partners. They still said no to inviting you even when they were both already invited to your wedding. Fuck them. I read their feelings towards you guys loud and clear.
Listen I don’t know if you anything like me but I would just be petty they don’t want you at their wedding so don’t invite the friends wife to yours
I agree that it is disrespectful for you and the other individual not to be invited. I would ask my finance to ask the groom and bride to reconsider. If they don’t, then your finance should remove himself from the wedding party. He should have known to do this from the start when he found out you were excluded.
Listen. If those “friends” can’t respect your relationship, you and your fiancé should both bow out. With those exact words.
“You exclude my future wife from your wedding. That means you have zero respect for my fiancée, me, our relationship and the sanctity of our pending marriage. I’m out. We’re done. Consider me saving you a seat at your wedding for someone else my final gift. Adios.
Oh, and consider yourselves uninvited from ours, too. Maybe you’ll come to your senses for your second go [groom], but I won’t hold my breath.”
And here’s hoping the gay groomsman bows out, too.
There’s no love like Christian hate. Especially fundamentalist American Christian Hate.
If your fiancé still insists on going to that wedding, it means he agrees with everything surrounding that wedding. And that means he’s a lot less in your corner than you think. Morally, politically and quite frankly, in terms of simple human decency. Take from that what you will and decide for yourself if you want to be married to such a kind of person.
Your fiance should not attend a wedding where his partner is not invited.
That is a very standard rule. Either you are life partners and thus a package deal, or you do not get married. There is no in between.
If it were just a girlfriend not being invited I can understand that. But to not invite the fiancé of someone in your bridal party?? When the groom is also going to be a groomsmen in your wedding? It’s very unusual. Obviously it’s because you don’t share the same views as the bride. My gut reaction would be to be petty and un-invite her to your wedding. But after thinking about it I think it would be more of a power move to show you’re classier than her by inviting her.
Yeeeeh that’s shady and your partner is a little naive to assume the best.
-I am getting married in a week
-26 guests total including 2 babies.
-as I literally met my MOH partner once, in passing, he isn’t going to be at the ceremony or dinner but is our only guest showing up at reception. Of course my MOH needs her man to dance with!! And that is mainly because it is so so small. A whole bunch of people who know each other and basically a random. It’s not like a wedding with colleagues, aunts and uncles, cousins, neighbours, lots of plus 1s who may never have met the couple.
.When you have to cut numbers, it’s not splitting the wedding party from their partners… and not only 2 of them.
At the end of the day, it is their day and they can do what they want. But I’d remember this and never be more than cool acquaintances. Plus id totally revoke her invite to yours. She isn’t worth the meal cost
It’s up to your fiance but I’d be very disappointed in him if he went without me. It would change things.
Now I’m going to wonder what happened? Did he go or no? If this happened to me I wouldn’t go unless my wife was invited.
I’d make sure you send out an immediately updated guest list for your wedding with his wife removed.
But your partner needs to make their own decision about the wedding but you have absolutely every right to make sure she isn’t anywhere near yours. Just make it clear to your partner and his friends that they will no longer be welcome at any of your get togethers.
First thing to do. Don’t invite her to your wedding.
Will your fiancé have to travel for this wedding? I’d go with him, stay at the hotel, then book some stuff to do while he’s at the wedding. Get the other groomsman to bring his wedding-reject partner, and together you can have a great time. Make sure to take pics and post them. Maybe even with a great big ‘rejects’ sign, if you want to be super petty. Look, it’s up to individuals to decide who to invite to their wedding, just as it’s up to your fiancé to decide if he’s going. I know you’re feeling hurt, but think of it this way: do you really want to spend the day celebrating people who’ve shown you exactly who they are? And, if I were you, I’d let their invitation to your wedding stand, just so you can show them—particularly her—how decent people act. And every time someone in your social circle asks why you weren’t there, just say, with a smile, ‘Oh. I wasn’t invited,’ and make sure your fiancé tells everyone there the same thing. Updateme!
Just a heads up for you. If the bride is calling the shots on not inviting you and the other groomsmen’s husband because of her asinine political beliefs. And your fiancé’s friend goes along with it? Warn your fiancé now, she will make sure that her new husband will not be in your wedding.
Some additional advice from someone who has been very happily married for 30 years so far. If I was invited somewhere and my husband was not, there wouldn’t be a chance in hell I would go. Same goes for my husband. If the love of my life is not welcome, neither am I. That being said, I would never go to a wedding of someone who holds those beliefs (homophobic, bigot, racist etc). You may say that the groom is a really “great guy”, but if he is marrying someone like that, then he is just as bad as the bride. You are the company you keep.
I truly hope your fiancé has a long talk with his friend and asks why you and the groomsmen’s husband were the only spouses not invited from the wedding party. Maybe he will get the truth out of him.
Best of luck to you,
If somebody invited me to a wedding and not my wife/gf/fiance, I would not go,no matter how long I’d known them. Your fiance is spineless. If I was in his position I would wait till the day before, call them and say ” I’ve been thinking, I dont feel comfortable attending without my fiance so I’m pulling out of the groomsman duties and I won’t be attending ” thats it. And uninvite them both from your wedding. If somebody is willing to light a fuse, I’m more than willing to set off the bomb.
It’s not OK and your partner should know this, and stand by you. If you don’t go he doesn’t go. Over.
Then you don’t invite them at your wedding.
Cut bad people from your life because it’s short and don’t bring toxic things to your own life.
If your partner cared about you he would not go to this wedding based on the Uber Christian bullshit nonsense cult behavior. I agree with others that you need to let your husband make his choice. But he also needs to recognize that by going to this wedding he is acknowledging that you are less important than this partner and their bullshit fucktartaree
The friend made it clear that only your fiance is their friend, you’re not. If your fiance accepts that going forward their friendship isn’t something that will ever include you and he wants to keep his friendship as something between the two of them, then I think he should still attend.
I agree with you that you shouldn’t ask your fiance to not attend, but I think you should not hold it against him either. For that to work you have to be honest with him about how you feel. If you think you will hold it against him, you need to be honest to yourself and him.
If my long term partner soon to be spouse is not invited then I’d be declining the invite with out a second thought.
Rude and disrespectful and your partner should be seeing this for himself and having your back xxx
If she really has that much of a problem with you, that she hasn’t invited you to her wedding. Then I don’t see why she needs to attend yours. Forget being the bigger person, sod being nice. Stop being a doormat and uninvite her!
Completely agree with your view on this. I agree it’s up to your partner to decide whether to still attend. It’s a bit difficult because he’s not simply a wedding guest. There’s additional expectation what with being part of the wedding party.
Whatever happens, the consequences of this action is that these people are now acquaintances to you. In my experience, shit like this creates a rift which will never fully heal.
I seriously question the wisdom of OP’s fiance and the gay groomsmen. How can you be friends with people who disrespect you and your partners so blatantly? How can you be friends with people who hypocritically claim to be “Christians”, yet act so cruelly to those closest to them?
You seriously can’t be friends with people like this – they have shown that they don’t care about OP’s fiance or the gay groomsman. Sure, they may like hanging out with them, but they don’t really care about them if it messes with the way they want to appear to other christian conservatives.
This is the conversation that OP needs to have with her fiance. If he still chooses to be friends with them, then I’d question his judgement and the seriousness of his commitment to her.
People saying she should be fine with him going are crazy . If they were boyfriend and gf that’s one thing but they are engaged and soon to be married in a few months . They socially are one for things like weddings , cut her out and he shouldn’t have to be asked not to attend. Disrespecting her like that should be enough.
Invite the other “non +1” to lunch and flood social media with how much fun you are having. I’d go the whole hog and do a spa day.
Be glad you aren’t invited . My husband was in a few weddings and it’s awkward of you don’t know a lot of people or like them because he will be busy with wedding stuff and you are on your own .
Do something nice for yourself day of the wedding and then distance yourself from these “friends “ in the future . Your fiance should understand that.
And don’t invite them to your wedding .
My SILs brother got married to a rich girl who planned a destination wedding at an Irish castle knowing his family (other than parents) wouldn’t be able to afford to attend. Be the bigger person. Let your fiance celebrate his friend’s enslavement. Enjoy your own party. Cut them out after the fact (they probably will ghost you later anyway).
You didn’t start the drama, they did. If you want, you can reciprocate with your wedding by only inviting him or your soon to be husband should let the friend know that’s a fucked up situation. He should already be supporting you and choosing you in this situation.
Obviously it’s their right to not invite people, but so it’s yours. I’d be really petty and uninvite her from your wedding. You too had to make hard decisions! 😉
53 is a small wedding. Etiquette says if you’re inviting someone from out of town, they get an invite for a plus one.
However, I think it’s shitty that they’re not letting Groomsmen bring their partners.
I’d be upset, but at this point I’d just book myself something fun to do while hubby is there. You’re not required to be friends with this couple, but you shouldn’t force your husband to not be there for his close friend.
My partner would drop this friend and wouldn’t go without a second thought (without me saying anything to boot) and would be more upset than I am. I get where you’re coming from and agree with everything you said. Partners are considered two halves of a whole unit. It’s a slap in the face to say “we like you but fuck your spouse though”. If you didn’t do anything to them and you guys are friendly and pleasant, albeit not friends by the sounds of it, this is a weird thing for your friends to do. Add the bigotry of excluding the gay partner as well and I would be wondering why my partner even wants to go to support these people, personally.
If he still goes, you and the gay partner should do something together. Maybe reach out to them and you’ll have possibly gained a new bestie over this.
I can’t imagine marrying a partner who lets their friends disrespect me and think it’s fine.
If you choose to marry him, cut BOTH of the other couple off the list.
I like another commenter’s idea about planning something with the other groomsman’s spouse and posting on instagram
Six groomsmen with only 53 guests? Odd. Not to mention how rich can she be if they are having to make “hard decisions” on who to invite?
I truly hate people like the bride who act that petty. You’re all adults. It’s not like you’re going to show up wearing a Liberal billboard. Not the hill to die on with your fiancé, though. Let him be a groomsman. However, make it clear to him she will not be invited to your wedding, regardless of their marital status. There’s no reason to be the bigger person here. If she was already invited, your fiancé (not you) will have to tell him she is uninvited. I would bet money the groom won’t show up without his bride. Then, your fiancé will know what type of friend he has.
This happened to me too!!! and honestly, I never saw that couple the same way again, I’m petty like that.
My boyfriend of 6 years (now fiancé) was invited to his cousin’s big wedding, but I wasn’t. Even my MIL offered to cover costs for me and another cousin’s girlfriend who was also excluded, but they still said there was no space. My boyfriend was offended and declined the invite. We were doing long distance while he got his masters degree, so he was being asked to fly countries to attend and go the wedding w/o me.
Now, for my own wedding, I’m inviting them just to avoid drama, but believe me when I tell you I’m definitely not happy about it.
You are already a Fiancé that makes it extra rude! So in you place, I wound not invite the wife. I’d be even happy if the groomsmen declined too 😉
If my wife isn’t invited to something like this then I’m not going. If your fiance is thinking of going without you anyway, i would rethink that too.
Just think about if you want to live the rest of your life with someone who does not back you up. Do not put your feelings before that of others.
I would never go anywhere that my wife was not welcomed with open arms. Not even just “sorta “. Must less not at all.
I celebrate with people, politics, religion, finances none of these things should be in front of friendship. If it is they are not YOUR friends and not even your husband’s friends. If he cannot see this…. he may not be your friend either!
My husband would not go. We are a team. This is a power move for them to hurt and disrespect you and your fiancé is complicit. I wouldn’t invite either to your wedding. Especially if he goes.
I’m too petty for these kind of things. I would uninvite both from my wedding. Cuts have to be made ya know 🤷🏻♀️
There are 6 groomsmen (and I would assume 6 bridesmaids) for a total invite list of 53 people??
If you’re planning a wedding and your bridal party don’t all have +1s, you’re a bad person.
I seriously don’t get it why your fiance and his gay friend would want to be in the wedding?
If someone doesn’t invite your partner because your lifestyle, politics and believes don’t suit them, that is an insult at everything and everyone you stand for! Why should you even want that!
Have you invited his bride to your wedding? If so I would be calling them to uninvite her immediately. If the friend is still happy to be in your wedding without his wife present then your guy should go to his without you. But that’s the ONLY way I would do it. Keeps things fair.
If I was your fiancé and other members of the wedding party got to bring their significant others but I did not, how is that not disrespectful?.
It might be one thing if none of the significant others were coming. How would he feel in this situation?
I’d tell the groom – if you don’t respect me enough to invite my fiancée, like not a +1 or a girlfriend, but my future wife, then this friendship isn’t what I thought it was and I’m going to step out of the wedding party (and take you out of mine). My guess is the groom doesn’t care, but the bride doesn’t want you there and he is giving her what she wants. That’s cool, it’s her day, but that doesn’t mean that I, or the love of my life, have to put up with disrespect like that.
If it is an issue of cost – how much money are we talking about? Uhh – isn’t the bride rich? Do you need me to pay for my fiancée’s meal?
Is it venue size? I realize there could be space constraints. Again, if I’m not important enough to include my fiancée then I should just bow out.
Don’t invite the friends wife 🤷🤷♀️🤷♂️
He doesn’t even get a plus one?
So just don’t invite her, you’ve got hard decisions on who to invite to your wedding and if your fiancé doesn’t go along with that you need a new one.
It’s one thing to carry on and go when it’s blatant you and one other are being excluded, it’s another to invite them to your wedding.
My husband would say no to the invite. We are a package deal. If he goes, I go and if I go, he goes.
If her family is “super rich”, they could afford the additional invite
Sounds like your husband doesn’t respect himself, much less you. These are the type of situations that show your true character.
Your fiancee should decline until you’re invited. Fuck their reasoning – like you said: I never heard of a groomsman/bridesmaid NOT have their significant other be invited too, smaller venue be damned.
A lot of comments here advocating pettiness. Ask yourself, What kind of person am I? What kind of person do I want to be? Five years–ten years–from now, when I look back on this, how will I view my behavior?
Yes, you should definitely have a discussion with your fiance about this. What are his feelings about their behavior? Their motivations? You should be open about your feelings. But when it comes to uninviting the other woman to your wedding, don’t do it. The drama will only validate to her that she made the right decision and she’ll be gossiping about you for months. Take the high road. If she says something to you, smile and respond with Bless your heart.
Let him go to the wedding, but don’t invite friend’s wife to your wedding. Also the gift has to come from his budget only. Then let it go after reciprocating it once, it’s not worth it.
Part of me finds it funny that you mentioned the spouse is conservative while this entire post is about your conservative view of wedding culture.
“I feel disrespected and also wedding and social event culture is to recognize couples as a set, a unit. You invite one, you must invite both. I know that may be changing but damn.” Is just so hilariously similar to how conservative people talk about anything they don’t like.
I think your husband should be allowed to make the decision himself. You can of course say you feel it’s disrespectful but you can’t tell him what to do. That said I would be happy to not be invited. Why would I want to sit and celebrate a person I don’t really like?
She’s not inviting you because you are messy online and have offended her, sorry. It is what it is. When a person takes a strong political stance online there are ramifications. Either way, a lot of people aren’t going to like you. This is unfortunately, the day and age we live in. I know people who have destroyed their careers and small businesses because they can’t stop sharing political shit online.
Asking/telling your husband he can’t go is not okay and controlling and not okay.
🙌🏻Solution: Do not invite her to your wedding!
(She doesn’t like you, you don’t like her. Problem solved. If she’s not inviting you to her wedding because of politics that’s crazy af and I wouldn’t want her at mine. People who make relationship decisions based on other peoples politics are nuts in my opinion. I have a sister who won’t let her daughter hang out with other girls from her first grade class because of who their parents voted for. It’s disgusting imo)
Just because your husbands are friends does not mean you two have to be friends!
Go out with the gay spouse of the other groomsman. Have fun. Donate $$ to Planned Parenthood in honor or the bride and groom. See a drag show. Wear ‘Support the Dolls’ shirts. Volunteer at a food pantry. You know…things conservative Christian’s hate.
Yea his friend needs to stop being a bitch. You always invite the wedding parties significant other. Especially a fiancée. Uninvited his friends fiancée soon to be wife and see if she is happy
With all due respect, this is not about you. Just don’t go, let your fiance go. Find something else to do. This is his long term friend. Put your ego aside and let him go, be the bigger person. I wouldn’t invite them to my wedding though. I’d use the “hard decisions” line when your time comes.
I honestly don’t even know how to respond to this. Everyone feels like an asshole here. The bride, obviously, for being conservative (which, I’m sorry, but cannot be separated from the bigotry and fascism their political party) and clearly a homophobe. The groom for either also being those things or for being OK enough with them to marry someone with those beliefs. Your husband for being comfortable being best friends with someone like that and wanting him to be a part of your wedding. And you for caring more about not being invited to their bigoted wedding than you do about there disgusting beliefs. It’s like, at what point down the line does somebody finally say “enough is enough” and make the hard decisions to not associate with fascists?!
The only people I feel bad for in this scenario are the gay groomsman (who I hardly feel bad for, since he’s also chosen not to cut this dude out of his life for marrying a fascist bigot) and the groomsman’s partner
Imagine what a shitty wedding it’s going to be. But also don’t let her come to your wedding either.
There are circumstances where I can see this being innocent, but this seems pretty obviously an intentional slight. I also wouldn’t want bigots in my wedding party .
Super rich but too broke to invite 2 extra people? Sounds personal. Make sure they know the bride is not invited to your wedding.
I agree with you. I would expect my husband to decline and i would do the same for him if the tables were turned. Even if you differ in beliefs this is insulting.
I just don’t understand how anyone could not invite a partner. It’s incredibly rude to do so. If my husband was invited without my receiving an invitation, and he went, that would be the end of our marriage. That would be a deal breaker.
I’d just not invite his wife to your wedding that he’s a groomsman in.
Free up a spot for someone else, it’s fine they remain groomsmen to each other and you not be close to him/his wife 1 to 1.
Forcing your fiancé to drop a friend isn’t the start I’d want, but to each their own. Maybe this helps you find a middle.
The friend declining to invite a groomsman’s FIANCÉ is unconscionably rude. And doing the same thing to a same-sex partner of another groomsman definitely sends a message. The message is rude, crude, discriminatory, malicious, and nasty.
OP needs to understand and, perhaps, try to explain to her fiancé that this wedding will probably be the last time he sees his friend as he is obviously on the “unacceptable list” of the friend’s bride. Post-wedding, she is going to separate him from the groomsmen she does not approve of. Like it or not her fiancé ‘s friendship with that man is over and all that is left to do is mourn the loss.
If her fiancé still wants to participate in the wedding as a closure and end of the friendship, perhaps the OP and the other groomsman’s same sex partner can travel along too and spend the wedding time doing other activities and posting them on social media along with a disclaimer about not being included in the wedding. They could go sightseeing, visit a museum, go out to eat, etc.
I’m sorry that OP’s fiancé’s friend is marrying a harridian but that is his choice. 😞
What they did isn’t proper etiquette, but instead your fiance should go and leave after congratulating his friend–and not the bride. Something like “I sincerely hope you’re happy in your marriage, I’ll always be there for you if you ever need me”
If you can’t afford a plus one for your wedding party you have bigger issues.
It is rational. You are being excluded. It’s their wedding. They can invite who they want. It’s incredibly tacky and tasteless to exclude committed partners like this. You can’t make him decline the invitation, but I would be honest with him about how this makes you feel.
I would withdraw as a groomsman if my fiance was not invited.
I’d ask him to participate in the ceremony and skip the reception and party.
If formal invitations haven’t been sent yet, I would recommend not inviting his wife. If she has to make “hard decisions” so should you. Anyway, the friendship will probably fade away after the marriage.
seems like you got one less mouth to feed at your wedding
I once dropped out of being a bridesmaid in a wedding where my partner wasn’t invited. I’m not going to celebrate the relationship of someone who doesn’t even acknowledge mine.
Obviously your fiancé should be free to make his own decision on the matter. I can’t help but think that I would be hurt if my husband chose to participate in a wedding where I wasn’t welcome.
You should really go out and party with the gay man spouse who is also disinvited. You need to make lots of Instagram posts about the grand time you had. Get a hotel room in the city and live it up better than they could afford – even for a rich person wedding.
It’s not fair to expect him to back out of being a groomsman, but nothing says you can’t make fun of the fact that she’s so petty
It’s her wedding and she can be a bitch if she wants to.
Their wedding their rules. You absolutely can ask your fiance to decline, but you are asking him to choose between you and his friend. Realize that his friend is likely bending to his own fiance’s will.
You get to decide if you want to make this about you, or if you want to let your fiance keep his friendship with his friend.
Tbh, I’d be more worried that my husband is best friends with a homophobic moron/enabler of a homophobic moron.
I certainly wouldn’t want them at my wedding for that reason alone. Plus they’d hate the gays at my wedding so tbh.. doing a solid there for them.
But seriously, the company we keep says a lot about us. What we are willing to excuse/overlook speaks volumes about our character and although it’s shitty you’ve not been invited, clearly it’s because the partner at least doesn’t seem to like you for your differing beliefs.
I can accept that.
I can’t accept biggots.
I’m sorry you feel disrespected by the racist couple. It must feel terrible to not have the good opinion of racists.
Girl. Why is your fiancé friends with people like this? That should be the thing you should have an objection to.
They’ve known each other since middle school. They wedding has 53 guests. The out-of-state groomsman might have gotten to bring his fiancé so he would have a travel companion. And you and the bride have different political views.
This is a chance to have a weekend for yourself. And once your own wedding is over, you get to not hang out with this couple again. Your then-husband can restrict his buddy to guy time. I call that a win!
I was in this situation as the uninvited spouse. I allowed my partner to attend, and took myself out for a nice dinner. The other couple separated after a few years. People too selfish and rude to invite partners don’t stay together long.
You pegged it, it’s political so who wants to go anyway! You’re also the mature one by not forcing your fiancé to make a decision he should’ve made himself. I worry about future “friendships” with these people. Anyway, I assume he’ll feel bad at some point for not having your back. Hope so anyway!
You’re playing into her hands. She doesn’t like you, and she knows that not inviting you will cause drama with you and your fiance, and your fiance and his friend. Either way she wins because you’re not there, or you and your fiance both aren’t there. While justifiably hurt, the demand of your fiance could cause resentment between the two of you. He’s been friends with this guy for a while.
Talk to your fiance. Decide if him going, and then you both drifting away from this couple is an alternative. Also, because you weren’t invited to her wedding, so you and your fiance are perfectly justified to be petty and not invite her to your wedding.
Drop the AH groomsman, reach out to the other groomsman who’s same-sex partner was excluded and ask him to swap in and his spouse will be welcomed. Sounds like fiancé needs a new friend and this might be the start of a beautiful friendship! 🙂
I wouldn’t be forcing your partner to not go. But I’d be matching energy. Don’t invite the wife and start distancing yourself from them. Actions have consequences
I was once not invited to my HUSBAND’S friend’s wedding (we were already married and had invited this girl to our wedding against better judgement (we had a “not married, not getting a plus one” rule because we both have large Italian families)). Their wedding wound up getting cancelled due to COVID (karma), but now every year when I send out Christmas cards, or any other invites to things, I only address the card to his friend.
The bride’s politics are petty, cruelty, bigotry, and greed.
Remind me why your fiance is still friends with the groom?
No. Seriously.
Not inviting the husband of the other groomsman is BEYOND unacceptable.
If someone doesn’t speak up against n a z i values, they’re pretty much a n a z i themselves.
Our government is in the middle of a coup, habeas corpus is already being functionally ignored for a not insignificant percentage of people in the US. This is a cornerstone of our rights. These people want to throw away rights and protections for everyone except the very wealthy. It’s the height of corruption. I could go on and on.
My point is we are not discussing “political” differences, we are discussing humanity vs inhumanity.
Don’t party with nazis. Don’t marry a sympathizer. You won’t regret standing up for what’s right. You will regret marrying someone who doesn’t share your values or moral courage.
Cancel the whole thing and move on if your fiance continues to keep his head in the sand.