I WANT OUT
Ok so I have an older sibling 2 years older than me, she continually calls me names such as ‘stupid, ugly, fat and others I forget because there’s just to many names to keep track of, I don’t know why she calls me these names idk what even started all these arguments with me and her but it all started about 3 years ago when she came back from her uni, something in her just snapped
She became aggressive, mean, aggigating, selfish and intitled.
Today I was just preparing my food in my peace that I made and for some reason my sister started to call my food gross and tell me I eat to much and that I constantly eat and never stop
When I sat down to eat, my sister started to call me names, calling gross and all that and I got pissed and we fought.
My sister than came in and told me to ignore her, I get that but like the names she would call me over the years really do hurt personally.
I don’t know what to do, she will just not stop being nasty and toxic, I do try to ignore her, but It becomes hard and hard to even ignore, especially when she makes fun of my appearance and my weight, which I’ve been trying to work on
I need advice on how to make her stop
Comments
She’s a viper with venomous words and the only antidote is your refusal to let her poison your heart. Stand tall, set your boundaries, and starve her of the reaction she craves because your worth is a fortress she cannot breach.
You’re siblings it’s normal to fight… Also normal to deck her…
She’s clearly insecure about herself.
I know it hurts, but the better thing to do is get better at ignoring her awful behavior (after calling her out once) and start interacting more when she’s being a nice person. Positive reinforcement stuff.
And remember, you can and should cut out toxic people – even if they are “family”, it’s no excuse to be an asshole.
I disagree with other commenters calling this normal behavior from a sibling. This is toxic AF. I do agree that decking her would likely solve it though. I would stop acknowledging her presence at all in all forms. If she continues to follow you around and harass you I would deck her and then continue about my day.
Currently going through the same thing with my little brother. I know that sounds crazy but he’s a menace to the entire household. We can’t talk to him because he either ignores us or down right acts like a fool. I try to ignore him and he still finds other ways to antagonize me. I’m 5’5 and he’s 6’2 so I can’t fight him. All to say I have no advice for you but to know you have someone who knows how you feel. I hope one day you are able to leave and cut contact. Wishing you peace and happiness.
She’s projecting
May I ask where are your parents in all this?
choc nose
Id tell her just because she doesn’t see ugly when she looks in the mirror doesn’t mean other people don’t see it. I have experienced this a little bit myself from my older sister. She would call me her big little sister. I told her maybe I am today, the day will come that I’ll be calling her my big big sister.. karmas a bitch.. she doesn’t say that to me anymore.
Carry a mirror with you, and just hold it up to her face when she starts talking shit. Stay persistent and she will stop.
Laugh at her. Stop reacting entirely would be even better. She’s bullying you.
Honestly I would go up to her face and get really close to her face and just stare at her with pure rage
And nothing more
Right when she feels really uncomfortable
You naturally would too but would need to push through/
Walk away without any words
Just pure body language
wait until she falls asleep and then……………………
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I would ask her — politely the first time, not as politely after that — what her problem is and why, if she’s older than you, she can’t seem to talk about her issues with you like an adult. Give her the chance to talk, but if she doesn’t, let her know that you’re through with her shit. Sometimes it’s up to you to be the adult, even or especially when someone older than you can’t be bothered.
It seems like she could be projecting her experience of uni on to u If this wasn’t what was happening before. Or even suppressing emotions about a relationship. U might just need to tell her to stop then calmly ask what is going on and that u miss the sister u know. Guilt tripping helps get them to realize what they are up to
Me being me, I would have thrown away the food I was preparing and left. Lol.
Where are your parents?
Drug issue? No excuse for abuse i’m proud of you that you can recognize it because that’s a hard thing to say with family, especially elder siblings
“Couldn’t care less what someone like you thinks of me. I am not these things. Ever heard of the defense mechanism called projection?”
And if she keeps doing it, just laugh everytime.
Sounds like very aggressive behaviour, I would go as far as say she’s become narcissistic. If she continues her behaviour after your defensive reaction she’s definitely a controlling narcissist. Ignore and move asap. In the meantime put her in here place. Don’t tolerate it.
Center yourself, turn absoloutely ICE COLD and tell her in your most precise, calm voice:
“I don’t know what turned you into such a nasty, hate-filled person at school, and I don’t really care. We’re both too old for childish bullshit. What I will promise you is that instead of giving you the fight you keep looking for, I’m going to start keeping track of every horrible thing you say to me, and I will RUIN your wedding someday. As they said in Dune “He who can DESTROY a thing, controls a thing.” My revenge will be served cold. So keep it up. Fuck around and find out.”
Sounds like she hates herself. So every time she calls you a name, jut think of her standing in front of a mirror and saying it. Stay focused on your peace and ignore her. Where are your parents? Why don’t they say something to her?
If you care about her (and it’s totally fine if you don’t bc she’s acting like an ass) then you could try and sit down with her when she’s calm and asking her how she’s doing. Maybe no one has asked her that in awhile. Maybe something happened to her at Uni that traumatized her and she doesn’t know how to express it. If you don’t care then just mind your business and ignore her. When you feel yourself getting agitated, focus on your breathing. Breathe in to the count of 4, hold for 4 then release for 6. If you are focusing on that, you won’t hear what she is saying. Talk to your parents too. Why is she living there if she’s done with Uni? They could tell her to get her own place if she can’t be nice to you.
A letter under her bedroom door…
Dear sister,
Just to let you know that if the bullying and name calling continues, you and I are done. Like done done and forever.
Love,
Your younger sister
Get even with her deck her. Put something in shampoo bottle the will mess her hair up. You can figure out something
If you are unable to move out from under the same roof, practice grey rocking her. Although decking her is a nice little dream, there’s always a chance that she’d file assault & battery charges against you and your defense of “she started it by screaming mean things at me” won’t help your case much.
But, grey rocking her, getting up, walking away while taking your food along with you, staring blankly at her until she stops her tirade and then responding in your best monotone, “are you finished yet?” Before continuing on with what you were doing can mess with her. No idea if holding a mirror to her face as she’s berating you will do anything, but who knows, it might work.
So she went mean girl at uni? Hopefully it’s a phase. But either way, avoid her as much as possible. Don’t engage. Don’t let her see that she’s getting to you.
You can’t change her. Just your reaction to her. No reaction will cause a bigger lash out at first. Let her knock herself out.
My sister use to make fun of me bc I liked programming and did well in school. My response to her calling me a nerd was yea, I am, laugh now bc you’ll be working for me some day. We are actually on very good terms as adults. And I won’t say I told you so, but she constantly needs my expertise. Like she couldn’t figure out a zip file, needs.
Write encouraging letters to yourself and leave them where only you will see them. Things like you are beautiful. You have a big heart. You will go far in life. Repeated words stick. So repeat kindness to yourself to cancel out negativity from her
If she keeps saying things and you feel the need to respond. A simple ok. Or I’m sorry that you feel that way. Things along those lines. That show she isn’t getting to you. Focus on you. Go far. And when her life falls apart bc she is being a mean girl, you’ll be doing great. Best revenge.
Learn some psychology. Get in her head in a healthy way. 😉 toxic people don’t like it when you break down the things they do when they’re looking to hurt you.
And you tried to sit down with her and speak from your heart about how this makes you feel and the impact it’s having on your mental health. Try to put a spin on it, and try to get her to think what it would be like if someone was doing these things to her, how would it make her feel? What would she want done if it was happening to her? What advice does she have in confronting someone in that situation? I always try to put it back on someone’s plate and get them to try and think about the situation as if it was happening to them, and what would they do kind of thing.
Well, my intuition is telling me that something bad happened at school and since you have always been her “punching bag” she is taking it out on you at the maximum level because she can get away with it. Confront her. Sometimes the only way out is through.
Start filming it, get a good amount of content showing her unprovoked shittiness, then edit and post it so her friends and everyone else can see what an evil and shitty sister she is.
Look up good comebacks to the mean shit she says.
You fought? Physically or just word calling? I promise you give her the best one she ever got in life she won’t come back for more! I was done this way. I’m 50 and they still do it. I went no contact for years now. My life is so much better.
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Don’t do anything for her. I’d even ignore her. If she does anything physical call the police. Simple as that. And do try to get away from this situation.