Hi everyone,
The title somewhat explains the issue here. I (20F) really want to be a mom so bad and no matter what logical reasoning I provide myself I still have this issue. I have read through Reddit posts of regretful parents that hate the fact that they had children to try to scare me straight but I seriously feel like the only thing I want right now is to be able to be a mom. This isn’t something I’m willing to act on because I do have somewhat of a logical side to me that knows that I can not plan to have a baby at 20 years old but I feel so unfulfilled and constantly angry with my life because of this. I have a boyfriend who knows that I want to be a mom one day when I have the means to do so, but he has no idea the extent that this wears me down. I cry all the time thinking about the fact that I won’t be able to be a mom and care for another human and see them grow and provide them with a safe home and all of the things that come with being a parent.
I have worked in a preschool where I have had 5+ children screaming and crying at once and have dealt with the most nasty things you can imagine. I’ve pulled boogers out of children’s noses that are seemingly never ending and every time I went to work I’d leave wishing I had one of my own. I’m coming here because I am so depressed at the thought of not being financially stable enough to live this life probably for another 5 years at least and I feel like I’m just filling the time until I can actually start my life. I feel like this is all I want and I try to think about just being young and having fun and being free which is nice sometimes but it just isn’t making me feel optimistic about life. I have nobody to talk to about this including my boyfriend. I don’t want him to think I’m crazy or that I’m trying to irresponsibly get pregnant but I need someone to know about this. I don’t have any crazy beliefs about this being women’s role or only purpose or anything like that but this is just what I personally want. I don’t know if anyone will even reply to this but I’d appreciate some help.
I suppose my question is if anyone can give me advice on how to stop feeling this way so I can live in the moment and enjoy the process of life until I can meet this goal.
Comments
You don’t want to be a mom. You want to be unconditionally loved.
Get more financially stable and get married to your boyfriend in a few years, having a kid before marriage is very risky officially lock in before
Coming from someone who had a child in my early 20s, I wish I explored more – travelled with my friends. I was never a partier, but a child definitely makes you have to become the most selfless – and it’s for years. 20 is still so young. You can build yourself up, and still achieve your dream of being a mother in that 5 years. You can set goals, financially plan, ensure that your relationship is still going strong. I promise you that those five years can really help you in accomplishing your goal. You’re not crazy, as you’ve said you do have that logical part of your brain telling you it’s not the time at the moment; just think about how much you could better a child you bring into this world with a little more time to grow emotionally, financially, and mentally. Because while you say you’ve cared for kids before – when you’re doing it from am to pm day in and day out – it’s a bit different.
You’re literally only 20yrs old. I wouldn’t be stressing about this just yet, you have plenty of time to grow still, shoot your brain isn’t even fully developed yet. Just take your time & set small obtainable goals. Learn how to properly communicate with your currently boyfriend so you don’t have this stress. You’re still so young, take your time!
working in a preschool isn’t the same as carrying, birthing, and caring for a newborn. at least with preschoolers, they can walk and talk. you get a break. you get to actually sleep through the night. you get to go out when you want and do what you want without parental obligations or having to arrange a babysitter.
it’s okay to want to be a mom, but you have so much more life to live before committing to parenthood. it’s okay for that maternal part of you to be screaming, but having a kid will always be hard work, especially if you’re younger. every single thing you do, you’d have to keep your kids in mind. everything.
your 20s are the best time to be selfish because you’re still learning who you are, despite legally being an adult. there’s no rush.
Looking after children who are not yours is a WHOLE lot different to having your own.
Its 24/7. With no breaks. No weekends off and at times can be utterly relentless. I thought id had enough experience prior to my first but NOTHING can compare.
You loose everything your sense of freedom and independence. Although i wouldnt change it at times its been absolutely brutal. You cannot compare working with children to having your own. Have some life experience. Travel save money. Enjoy a sleep in!
Your time will come
You’re not crazy. Wanting to be a mom just means you have a lot of love to give. Just make sure you’re taking care of the person who’s going to be that mom someday. You.
Think about it like this, you already have a kid. he or she is just -5 years old. Start behaving responsibly and working towards your goals as though you were already a mother. Most Everything you do is for this child. You will be an amazing mother God bless
From the looks of it you don’t want to be a mom you just want someone one in your life who’s gonna love you unconditionally
I just want to add that a lot of parents are not regretful. At all. I have a child, I had her when I was 33, well established, married, studied, traveled, partied and all of that. I wish I had her (and maybe more kids) sooner.
I’m young and I also want children just as much as you. But I really do love my future children so much I’m gonna do everything I can to give them a good life. Work to be possibly married, be financially stable, own a home. You’ll realize that you truly don’t want kids until you can care for them the right way. 💗
I had my daughter at 32 – I’m very glad I waited. The knowledge and perspective you gain in 10 years is a lot. You will not know the version of yourself now in 10 years, hell, even 5 years. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe consider going to therapy. It sounds like you might be missing something in your life and your brain knows you want children so it’s focused on using that to fill the gap. Maybe you need a puppy or kitten to nurture in the meantime 🤷🏼♀️I’m not trying to downplay your feelings in anyway because if that’s how you feel it’s valid, just think it might help to talk to someone impartial who can help you work through those feelings instead of being upset alone.