I’m a guy in my early 30s and have been in 5 serious relationships over the years. Every time, it starts off amazing we’re emotionally connected, the sex is great, and I genuinely feel like I’ve found “the one.” But after a year or so, the sexual desire fades. Even if the emotional bond is still there, I find myself craving novelty. I start fantasizing about other women. I don’t want to cheat, but the temptation builds. A few times, I’ve acted on it and ended up torpedoing the relationship.
I hate that this happens. I want to be monogamous. I want to be a loyal partner, grow with someone, build a life together. But I feel like I’m biologically wired for variety, even though emotionally I want stability. It’s frustrating. I’ve tried spicing things up in the bedroom, initiating honest conversations about fantasies or trying new things but it always feels like I hit a wall.
I know this might sound selfish or immature to some, but I’m being real. I’m not looking for validation. I’m looking for growth. I want to understand how others have overcome this. Are there people who felt this way and made monogamy work? Is this just how I’m wired and I need to rethink what kind of relationships I pursue? Or is this something I can genuinely change?
I’d appreciate any honest, even tough, feedback. I’m tired of the cycle and want to be better
TDLR: I’ve been in 5 serious relationships, and each time I lose sexual desire after a while and start craving other women. I don’t want to cheat. I genuinely want a stable, loving relationship. But I struggle with staying sexually satisfied with just one partner. How do I overcome this and make monogamy work?