Throw away account because I want to try to go into much detail as possible. I have this “friend” her name is Amelia we started out as roomates in college for two years. She was never my BEST friend but we did a lot together due to being roommates and she wasn’t always horrible. She is type A to the T. Has always been the mom of the group, a little judgmental, but still fun at times. Eventually I did switch roomates/apartments because of the dynamic and amongst many other factors. We still continued to be friends/ hang out because we have a lot of mutuals but it was definitely a bit rocky after moving out. I’m sure she had some resentment because I left her and the others with a new roommate who definitely didn’t match our vibe but I was better off. Some more back story Amelia and most of the friends are from her high school plus some others and myself. we all stayed really close through college and after. We see each other a lot, and always celebrate holidays/bdays together along with random times just hanging out.
Recently and by recently probably about the last year I have have just been not able to stand her. I know it’s not just me, others girls in our group have definitely brought it up whether it was warranted or not…like to the point where every time we hung out there was a debrief about Amelia’s attitude and her negativity. It just seems as if she has no self awareness, it is always her way or the highway. Even on my birthday weekend she kept suggesting we do other activities rather than the ones I wanted to do. She would complain about logistics of an activity and I would offer a solution but then she would shut me down and just say she would do it herself. Then a different friends birthday rolled around, same thing wanted to go to different places than the birthday girl had laid out for us. And if she didn’t get her way she would stand there arms crossed visibly upset. Sure she’s sweet at times but it’s gotten to the point where I’m thinking I don’t want to invite her out with us anymore. All my friends in the group have expressed frustration to her attitude more than once. I honestly think she just has no idea what she’s doing. All the friends, including myself, have never really stood up to her or said anything which I know, that’s also the problem, but now I’m at a breaking point.
So we have a fun weekend coming up planned. I texted some friends in the group that I’m closer with to work out some details about the fun weekend we have coming up and I mentioned that I really dont want to invite Amelia, they asked why and I mentioned basically all the above. In the moment their response absolutely baffled me they were SO defensive and said it was rude of me to exclude her in a whole friend group activity ( I hadn’t mentioned personally to Amelia about the plans but I’m sure she was looped in by the others) These friends I was texting with, are definitely my closest, and again they had expressed grief and frustration over how negative she is, but it’s always “oh that’s just Amelia.” But I was sure when I was telling them how I felt about not wanting her there they would be on my side…understand…want to also confront her, but no it was a gaslight sesh from what I felt. I did realize that not inviting her is harsh, and we won’t do that, but they acted as if they had no idea where I was coming from! It was infuriating to say the least.
They encouraged me to speak to her about my feelings, showed me some support but it was not a productive ending. Now I’m here. I’m a pretty confrontational person, but Amelia and I don’t even hang out one on one it’s always group settings. I can’t Imagine going out of my way to sit down with her and have this conversation. I’ve thought about writing out everything and calling her but I can’t imagine that going well either, like I said she probably has no idea of her actions. And now that my friends weren’t as supportive I fear this all might come down on me even though we have all felt this way for a while.
Should I do it before we see each other again. I would, but only over phone. Or just let the weekend come and go and just keep distancing myself. We are all very close and them closer definitely. I’m just at a loss, I want to get this off my chest and let her know how I feel..how we all feel, but she’s a core friend and I’m scared to cause a shift.
Please forgive any grammar errors and or necessary details left out.
ALSO MORGAN IM A HUGE FAN BUT PLEASE HELP ME!!! 🙂
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Backup of the post’s body: Throw away account because I want to try to go into much detail as possible. I have this “friend” her name is Amelia we started out as roomates in college for two years. She was never my BEST friend but we did a lot together due to being roommates and she wasn’t always horrible. She is type A to the T. Has always been the mom of the group, a little judgmental, but still fun at times. Eventually I did switch roomates/apartments because of the dynamic and amongst many other factors. We still continued to be friends/ hang out because we have a lot of mutuals but it was definitely a bit rocky after moving out. I’m sure she had some resentment because I left her and the others with a new roommate who definitely didn’t match our vibe but I was better off. Some more back story Amelia and most of the friends are from her high school plus some others and myself. we all stayed really close through college and after. We see each other a lot, and always celebrate holidays/bdays together along with random times just hanging out.
Recently and by recently probably about the last year I have have just been not able to stand her. I know it’s not just me, others girls in our group have definitely brought it up whether it was warranted or not…like to the point where every time we hung out there was a debrief about Amelia’s attitude and her negativity. It just seems as if she has no self awareness, it is always her way or the highway. Even on my birthday weekend she kept suggesting we do other activities rather than the ones I wanted to do. She would complain about logistics of an activity and I would offer a solution but then she would shut me down and just say she would do it herself. Then a different friends birthday rolled around, same thing wanted to go to different places than the birthday girl had laid out for us. And if she didn’t get her way she would stand there arms crossed visibly upset. Sure she’s sweet at times but it’s gotten to the point where I’m thinking I don’t want to invite her out with us anymore. All my friends in the group have expressed frustration to her attitude more than once. I honestly think she just has no idea what she’s doing. All the friends, including myself, have never really stood up to her or said anything which I know, that’s also the problem, but now I’m at a breaking point.
So we have a fun weekend coming up planned. I texted some friends in the group that I’m closer with to work out some details about the fun weekend we have coming up and I mentioned that I really dont want to invite Amelia, they asked why and I mentioned basically all the above. In the moment their response absolutely baffled me they were SO defensive and said it was rude of me to exclude her in a whole friend group activity ( I hadn’t mentioned personally to Amelia about the plans but I’m sure she was looped in by the others) These friends I was texting with, are definitely my closest, and again they had expressed grief and frustration over how negative she is, but it’s always “oh that’s just Amelia.” But I was sure when I was telling them how I felt about not wanting her there they would be on my side…understand…want to also confront her, but no it was a gaslight sesh from what I felt. I did realize that not inviting her is harsh, and we won’t do that, but they acted as if they had no idea where I was coming from! It was infuriating to say the least.
They encouraged me to speak to her about my feelings, showed me some support but it was not a productive ending. Now I’m here. I’m a pretty confrontational person, but Amelia and I don’t even hang out one on one it’s always group settings. I can’t Imagine going out of my way to sit down with her and have this conversation. I’ve thought about writing out everything and calling her but I can’t imagine that going well either, like I said she probably has no idea of her actions. And now that my friends weren’t as supportive I fear this all might come down on me even though we have all felt this way for a while.
Should I do it before we see each other again. I would, but only over phone. Or just let the weekend come and go and just keep distancing myself. We are all very close and them closer definitely. I’m just at a loss, I want to get this off my chest and let her know how I feel..how we all feel, but she’s a core friend and I’m scared to cause a shift.
Please forgive any grammar errors and or necessary details left out.
ALSO MORGAN IM A HUGE FAN BUT PLEASE HELP ME!!! 🙂
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