TW: SELF HARM AND MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
I met this man in a discord server a few months ago and everything seemed fine at first but as I talked to them more and more the more they started to open up to me.
I was okay with this at first, I was happy to listen and I love helping other people but eventually he started to dump nearly every single day and says things like “why would you want to be friends with someone who’s going to be a corpse in a few months” or he’ll tell me about how he deserves the bad things that happen to him and how he’ll punsih himself later if he upsets me and things like that. Literally can’t say no to anyone and needs the decisions always made for him and all of this is just becoming too much for me to handle.
I want to leave him behind but I feel like I’ll be hurting him immensely if i do since he’s lost friends before. What do I do? I dont wish to hurt him in any way but im afraid it’s my only option…
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I knew a senior when I was a freshman in high school that would do the same things to me. I never really broke it off officially I just would text him less and less until he stopped messaging me. I genuinely tried to help him change but there was nothing that would get through to him. He still posts sad Snapchat stories to this day
You need to put yourself first here. Say. “I appreciate that you are a kind and a loving person.” Write him a note. Explain that you are not strong enough to cope with this now. You have to take care of yourself before you can help anyone else. Tell him “Please get strong. I care so much about you. Get help if you need to. “
I would try to set the boundaries between what you can offer as help in the capacity of a friend and what a professional can offer help wise then maybe send some helplines, recommend they talk to a professional if possible and reduce contact if you feel able to
Please protect yourself. Please he is using you at a whipping post and you need to leave that alone. Your mental health is more important than his. If you lose yourself in his delusions then you will harm yourself. It’s ok to want to help but when it turns into this you need to cut ties now. He is manipulating you. Do not go down the rabbit hole with him. It will only lead to madness. As a former depressed male i know what it means to have someone to talk to but at no time would I wish to bring someone down.
This is going to sound cold, but I would consider cutting ties. You deserve to take good care of yourself. This person could be engaging in manipulation or is in need of serious psychological help. Regardless, you deserve better.
This one is tough because I know some people just like to put themselves down around others for the attention it gets them. They seem like the type of people who need friends and support the most, but they don’t ever get better or do more to help themselves.
You could either slowly pull back like another poster said, or the next time they bring up something self harm related you should take it very seriously and say “I’m very concerned about you, I strongly feel you should speak to a professional and I can help you find someone to talk to” every time they bring up self harm you need to take it seriously and bring up getting them help. If they continue to refuse or say they wont really do anything they will eventually get the help, stop talking to you because you refuse to stroke their ego, or stop bringing up the self harm.
Either they are truly suffering or they are just looking for attention.
It may be that he’s just trolling. I mean it may be genuine but, equally he could be messing with you. A middle aged bald guy wearing a diaper in his mom’s basement.
I’d disengage to protect your sanity.
I am blunt with my friends, if they are acting inappropriately or in a self destructive manner – I tell them.
Something along the lines of: “Hey i really care about you and that’s why i am telling you this. But it hurts me to hear you speak so negatively and it’s starting to have a negative impact on me. I want to stay friends but I also want to surround myself with positive energy. I think you should work on yourself, get help if you need and I’m here for you”
If they are not susceptible to the advice, or you simply just want to remove this person for your life that’s totally fine and acceptable. You have to protect yourself and do what is best for you. If you’re scared they may self harm just casually pull back, or just let them down easy (gently tell them you can’t continue the friendship). Don’t answer messages or calls as frequently and if they ask why, tell them you’re busy or something. Casually distance yourself until the communication stops.
He literally sounds like a psychopath. HELLO cut ties immediately. I feel like he’s the type that would stalk you afterwards. This man is lonely and manipulating you and using your kindness for weakness. This is the every Netflix killer documentary starter pack.
Me personally I had a friend like that and we would meet often. As he started laying all his problem on me i became more worried and focused on helping him out but as that relationship went on I felt more and more depressed. It took time and alot of self determination but I started to set boundaries and then we just grew apart. I still talk to him on occasion but he doesn’t dump his life’s problems on me anymore
This fella has what is called “nice guy syndrome” look it up. It’s something he can work on but it’s going to take an understanding of the problem, a desire to fix the problem, and the follow through. He’s gotta work on himself. It’s not on you. Do not feel guilty.
He’s a grown man and his life is not your responsibility.
In this situation it’s fine to put yourself first, by bowing out of this relationship. You’ve tried to take on more than you can handle. There’s really no gentle way to do it. If you haven’t given him your address(work/home) maybe just block him on your phone and block him across all of your social media.
I think you should have an open and honest conversation with them, and point them towards services like mental health resources, therapists, and crisis lines, as they are more equipped to help them with their issues.
You need to prioritise your mental health and take care of yourself.
Your friend may process this as a rejection and lash out. This is about them and their issues. Be prepared to block and not engage. Don’t be manipulated by threats to harm themselves either.
You don’t have to keep toxic people in your life. You deserve to have good people around you who will love and support you.