i currently live with my boyfriend. in his moms basement. its nice. im a state away, everything is new. love it. i like his family. however, im dealing with lots of internal things. its hard to be around a new family and not feel like a burden when i know too that i cant just expect them to like me. they do. for the most part, but knowing that isnt gonna alter my brain chemistry or anything. im not family. its not unconditional. and i dont have the charisma, im not the type to make it that way.
i do have so much love for this boy. but he just cant show up for me like i need someone too. he has a lot of growing to do. he has no depth as far as i know. and i have so much. so much to talk about and analyze and think. he seems to me like he refuses to think, instead just distracts himself with his phone or games. he doesn’t have hobbies, or anything hes passionate about, no job, makes a fuss about doing chores for his mom who lets him live rent free at 20. but he does have potential, and as much as i try to make him see, he just wont right now. so i know i cant be here much longer.
im 21 and i dont have a lot of reliable family. its nice being here because this is my first time living rent free since i was 17. i thought i could finally get that van i wanted and travel. and just have my own money. save it. do whatever with it. not stress so much. but i cant live a lie. ive tried to make him see so much and its like hes blind. he just wont think or internalize anything. i cant do it.
i want to be here. i dont want to go back to the old city. my lease back home is up this month, we broke it early and are paying double. i can stay with my gma in the middle of nothing with my 43 year old mother who has never been able to keep up with herself, hence her living situation. i can do that it would just be miserable. i love my gma so much but i hate it there. 2 hours away from my home town. nothing surrounding. i want to be happy. im happy here. im free. in myself. financially. everything js new, exciting, there are lots of opportunities here. but i cant stay with this boy for that reason. when i feel completely invisible, like i cant have a two way conversation freely and be understood. is there anything i can do right now?
Comments
Hold it down save up and dip! Focus on you
Staying is spiritual starvation you’re too alive too deep to waste on someone emotionally asleep. Leave now while the fire in you is still burning and carve out a life that actually reflects your soul.
You don’t owe your freedom to a boy who will not grow, you owe it to yourself to keep it. Stay in the new city, but leave the old weight behind.
It’s okay to outgrow people, especially when they won’t even try to grow with you. That does not make you heartless, it makes you self-aware.
He may have potential, but you have momentum. Don’t trade that for someone who’s still standing still.
I moved for love but found myself instead. Now I’m stuck between freedom and feeling invisible. I want to stay in this new place just not with someone who doesn’t see me. Trying to figure out how to choose me next.
Stay and save as much money as you can, so that you can leave safely and stable, you may never get another chance to save, you’re young, you have time.