The love is there and always has been but love is never enough. We started as friends and we were clearly not friends anymore. We have been dating 3 years. 37 months and two weeks to be exact.
Started dating and soon after we lived together– we met in college. Her parents paid for her apt and I secretly lived with her for almost 33 months non consecutively.
Honeymoon phase specially living together I thought we were more compatible and I thought we’d have sex on the regular and be more emotionally on the same wavelength.
As time passed, she had more duties are school and she is still trying to finish her undergrad degree in a stem field… research was added into the mix.
Her avoidant attachment and needing to focus only school was more apparent than ever. This ambition of a phd in this stem field led to depression, she had been taking Adderall since I met her 3 years ago and she took an arm implant BC a year ago. The stress, neurodivergent mindset made sex far and between.
I’m not taking any meds, I am working full time and my sex drive is not altered. I only make enough to sustain myself bc ofc My goal is to make enough for me and my would be family…
Less time together, her avoidant attachment with my anxious attachment due to abandonment issues I occurred in my youth has also made things hard.
She mad a new lab friend this blonde girl in her research lab that appears to be fun and single. They want to go to bars, have smoke sessions (sharing a joint) and yes I’m a little older than my gf 27 M but it’s crazy that my gf will turn 25 later this month and seems to be regressing into a early 20’s social life.
Some will say this is fine and sure. Other’s might see my fears of this being a slippery slope and if we already have different sex drives and she won’t meet me halfway. If she is trying to relive her first year of college socially at 25 years of age when this fall semester starts…
The blonde female friend is also ambitious but she drinks four lokos, befriends frat guys and goes to the lab on a saturday after getting cross faded the next morning to finish something in her research.
I asked my gf if she would do the same and she said yes. Also not to be political but my gf is a legal us citizen but she is an immigrant and on one hand she tells me she is scared of ICE accidentally detaining her illegally if they snatch her incorrectly… but she is smoking weed… again I really see both sides of the coin but if you want to walk a straight line uhmm walk a straight line.
She gets defensive when I ask for accountability. We are going to couple’s therapy- already had 2 sessions. We talk about forever. She’s done nice things and we actually recently had sex a few times in the last few weeks but then we don’t + who knows what she will do with her lab friend.
I also hate the fact that my gf is super lib and she hates frat guys. She is going to room with someone who would get hate crimed by frat guys and now she is buddy buddy with this girl that think she can do whatever and still succeed academically. Can she? Maybe but she is under 21 and single.
My gf’s moral compass and social new landscape at misaligning from my pov and with our shaky relationship, even with promises of being end game but dealing with her being defensive and shutting down..
I asked chatgpt if someone taking generic Wellbutrim (she started in April of this year) plus adderal + her rod in arm BC can get drunk and or high and with that combo she could have a seizure.
We looked at an antonomy book at barnes and nobles yesterday and we saw smokers lungs and what tar does to lungs and my diabetic father smoked a lot and my gf and I were worried about him and his lungs with his already bad physical state… and yet this woman who I love so much will smoke a joint or two or occasionally like she doesn’t see the disconnect? She consoles me and says smoking is bad to my face.
Maybe she can reform or maybe I’m coping or maybe we are not compatible now. Idk I really don’t.
TLDR: My gf is turning 25 and she seems to be regressing in age. I am a 27 year old man working full time. She has 2 years left of school and we seem to be going in opposite directions in life. We love each other and want to be end game but her actions, defensiveness deflections and maybe just overall immaturity does not really evoke end game…