At 15, I developed a breeding kink. At 16, I got on Omegle one night. Morbidly curious, I put in “breeding” as a tag with a bunch of other random (non-sexual) shit I was into. I think I must have just wanted to see if anyone else had it. Of course, a lot of people did.
The first person I connected to was actually a boy my age, so that got me comfortable saying my real age right off the bat. I did lie about it a few times, but for the most part I was honest. The worst part is I liked the guys that liked my age more, and I hate myself for it. I kept coming back, again and again, and started putting in more tags. Lots of tags for breeding, older men, cum/creampies, gangbangs, free use, even really bad things like kidnapping and rape. And that’s not even getting into the guys that liked girls younger than me, or wanted to breed their own daughters when they were old enough. I was already traumatized, and even before then I knew how bad those types of guys really are. I was far from being naive enough to think it was okay, but I still kept coming back. Sometimes I even lied and said I was younger just to see if they would go for it, or made up characters to play that weren’t as scared as I was. I don’t know what kind of awful person that makes me.
It got to the point where I was sexting for hours at a time, maybe not every night, but more nights than not. When it came to breeding, I liked the thought of giving in to what my body wanted, getting tempted enough to actually meet up with someone and lose my virginity. I would often act like that was my goal, and as the months went on, I feel like I got closer to that point. But objectively speaking, I never went far with any of it. The worst I ever did was give a guy my real first name, or tell another guy a gas station to meet at. I disconnected as soon as they asked for any other form of contact. Hell, I never even used the video chat option. I also disconnected instantly if they said they were the same age or from the same location as either of my abusers. I kept it as safe as I could. But it still put me in a very bad headspace, and the path I was getting led down was undeniably dangerous. I was becoming scared of the possibility that someone could track me and stalk me, or that I could get in legal trouble somehow, or that they’d be right to accuse me of something, because talking to pedophiles obviously automatically meant I was also a pedophile. I even had to call the police on one guy I met on the kidnapping tag, which was one of the scariest days of my life. I tried to stop so many times. I was so mad at myself for doing it. I felt like when I wasn’t in the moment, I was repressing it, trying to convince myself that the girl who did all that wasn’t me. But no matter how bad it got, I couldn’t stop. And I probably wouldn’t have. But at 17, I went on one night to find the site had shut down. And in the long run, I was incredibly grateful for that.
But no, I just had to get morbidly curious again. And find a remake. And figure out the boundaries there. And somehow over the past couple months, it’s all started up again. I’m 18 now. I don’t want to do this. I can’t do this. I don’t want to be this person. But I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know what to do about literally any part of this, so instead of doing anything, I’m writing this down here. I don’t know why. I hope this doesn’t break any rules, but I need to get it out. Help?
Comments
It’s really sad how common this “breeding” fetish has become among these “dads”. I joined a few Discord servers on a throwaway account to see what these old ass gooner discord servers were, and they were so fucking disgusting. There are people out there who view women as objects and they fetishize doing horrible things to women they know in real life, share their pictures without their consent, and I bet a bunch of them even plan or have done horrible things in real life (not only as a fetish).
ik it would seem scary to talk about something like this to someone, but i do think therapy might do you some good