21M After a few months of using several dating apps, I finally got a match that lasted longer than several messages. After a few days of flirting and talking about sex, she 19F invited me over. I was rather nervous because I don’t consider myself attractive and I’m on crutches due to recovering from surgery, but I thought she was and off I went. I walked in the door and she showed her dogs and then we went up to her room. As we walked around the house, I realized that I knew her. Her dad was my scout leader from 1rst-5th grade and I had been really great friends with her brother. I really respected her dad and the thought of what he would think of me was kinda shocking.
Up we go into her room and as we’re sitting on her bed, we talked about our music tastes for a half hour. We laid down and talked about life for a bit. Then she hit me with the “I’m cold” line. I missed it. She tried it again and I never caught on to it until she said something like, “Here, feel my hand.” We started kissing and cuddling for a good while and then she asked me if I had a problem looking at people in their eyes. After 30 seconds, I did pick up on that. After about another 10 minutes, we progressed to intercourse and I’m actually proud of myself for how long I lasted. Eventually she had to go work so she hopped in the shower and we had a conversation while she got dressed. Then we left together after 3.5 hours.
Now that I’ve slept on it, I’m mad at myself. I talked a big game before, but in person I was a shell of myself. That was the first time I’ve ever had a serious conversation/hang out with someone I was into, and I freaking blew it. She has a goth/metal personality and likes it rough. I was raised to be respectful of women, so I did my best to not make any moves that she wouldn’t be okay with. I was so cautious that I missed several hints that were right in front of me. Although the sex was fantastic, I enjoyed the cuddling and almost falling asleep in her arms more.
One of my biggest flaws is that I struggle to put my emotions into words. Even though I was madly attracted to her, I couldn’t get the words out. Even though she looked like the most fantastic woman on planet earth, If I said, “You look absolutely gorgeous”, I would feel like that was shallow and inadequate because I thought more of her (if that makes any sense). We’ve still communicated and I’ve sent her a text this morning that said, “I don’t know about you, but I hate stand-alone episodes. I prefer full seasons”. I’ll be waiting for her response when she wakes up.
Long story short, I went to hangout with a girl yesterday and feel like I blew it. If anyone has any advice for things I should have done differently or how to get over these hurdles, please let me know. Thanks for listening
Comments
Hey man there’s no reason to be mad at yourself. Sometimes we all talk the big game but when we jump on stage we get stage freight. But it’s all good. Now that you’ve experienced it for the first times the “if I did this” “if I did that” can come into play, communicate your feelings with her. It’s natural that we get bamboozled by a woman’s beauty and it’s happened to me before, don’t let the overthinking get to you too much! Keep your head up and go rock her world again (respectfully)
Bro it sounds like the date went very very well, she trusted you enough to bring you into her space and have sex with, assuming she doesn’t straight up ghost you, hit her with “so when can I see you again” people understand that it takes more than one day to warm up to peoples personalities, I’m sure she appreciated that you weren’t too assuming and she just took that opportunity to be the forward one
How did you blow it? You hang out, made out and made home base, you’ll be more easy around her next time dknt beat yourself up first times are berve racking af
Hard to go at it rough when your on crutches…
“I just went on a date and I blew it!”
I’m sorry man what happened?
“Well she invited me to her place, I met her dogs and then we talked for a while, really bonded over our shared hobbies and talked about life and stuff.”
Ok…
“Then we had sex. It was good. I was respectful since it was our first time and played it safe, didn’t want to cross any boundaries unintentionally you know? And I lasted a good long while, it was fantastic.”
Ok then something terrible must have happened right?
“You’re damn right it did. We cuddled. The only reason the date ended was because she had to go to work. She didn’t kick me out while she got ready though, she let me chill there so we could chat more. I really blew it man.”
You’re silly
I’m curious what you think a successful first date would look like. Marrying her at the end of the night? Renting a uhaul together so you could move in?
To me you subconsciously refrained yourself from making big moves because like you said you know her father and are good friends with her brother. Plus I don’t believe you fucked up. Yeah you were a bit dense but what you didn’t fuck it up, this girl was clearly attracted to you.
You really only fuck up when you are creepy in some way that gives a woman the “ick” and even then a woman who is attracted to you will ignore it to a certain level, so rest assured.
Suffering from success xD
Honestly, I don’t see anything here that suggests you blew it at all.
Sounds like you respected her. If that’s not what she’s in to don’t change who you are. There are so many women who want that sort of respect. I think you are overthinking just like she likely is. Keep being yourself. But stop writing checks you can’t cash. Better to just be transparent
Have you talked to her since? You might think you blew it. But it sounds like it went great and she might think that as well. See how she felt it went, because like others have said she brought you into her space and had sex with you, which she probably wouldn’t have done if she was into you.
Don’t overthink it too much until you get her opinion on it.
If you fucked, there’s no way you blew it
Unless she also has a dick
Why do you think you blew it? It sounds like it went pretty well to me- you guys had sex, dude.
My only advice is don’t be so down on yourself and try to stay out of your own head, and don’t put her on a pedestal. Just be yourself. It sounds like the only thing that went wrong was you were a little too nervous and in your head, and she noticed that, but understood. If you are nervous, it’s okay to say so, or if you get nervous just ask her questions about herself.
That’s also partially what I mean by don’t put her on a pedestal (the ask questions if you get nervous thing)- she’s not perfect either, she’s a complicated individual, a person, you are still getting to know. Sometimes when I was younger, I’d go on dates with guys that seemed like they thought I was so great, but it was clear they were more into the idea of me than me if that makes sense. They would just be nervous and like they were on a job interview or something, and not be interested in getting to know me, and if I brought up something they weren’t into, they would either get disappointed or change the subject. It didn’t feel good. I only mention because you’ve mentioned many times that she is so so great, and it sounds like it made you so nervous you are second guessing yourself. Don’t get in your head and think she’s so much better. She’s a person, just like you, trying to make a connection. She may have been just as nervous herself!
So don’t think you did anything wrong, and it’s good that you were respectful. Even if she’s got a goth vibe, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t value respect. It sounds like the date went great, I’m happy for you, and remember to not worry so much!
Man I cant wait to get to the other side of town before traffic is bad, I’m going to try and surprise my boyfriend with a hug. He can fuck off if he doesn’t want it… I want it and I can have a turn too lol, sometimes he won’t always get what he wants but he’ll appreciate my effort and sacrifice to make him happy he wants to make sure I know what I mean to him
Did you have fun? Do you feel she had fun? If the answer is yes, ask her out somewhere she has mentioned she likes. Stop obsessing and overthinking. Text her, call her and show her you are into her.
I’ve done this a few times myself… they really will all be missed opportunities lol
“she asked me if I had a problem looking at people in their eyes”
You’re a good man, don’t stop being a good man 👍🏾
Hey man got to be honest, you did great! I remember my first ever date and I nearly said nothing. Ngl you seem like a great guy and women love a man who respects boundaries and are careful at first, don’t kick yourself. You did good
this is now the most performative shit I have ever read
You didn’t blow anything. How about asking her out on a date?
Why are you even thinking you blew it? Just keep talking to her you will get more comfortable and dominate her.
Doesn’t matter had sex.
Even if she had to spoon feed you the lead, she was willing to spoon feed you the lead! Cut yourself some slack, man. She liked you enough to match you and hang out with you for like 1/8 of the day, proceeded to hook up with you and you feel like you missed something? You are enough. Trust it. Don’t let anyone including yourself tell you differently.
Bro.
1 you still banged
2, every guy has a story like this. You are young. This is part of it.