Just as it says. I’m so bitter. This person was my best friend and we had a standing offer of engagement to each other, I was trying to go at their pace while show that I was committed. It’s a shame they thought so little of me – I became just a source of comfort and stability for them to go behind my back and reconnect with a college kid who had already broken up with them twice, now that he was back from his time overseas.
We set up a whole life together, we got a new apartment that I paid the first month and deposit for, and days into it after our move, they sprung the break up on me. They didn’t even give us a chance to talk it through, they just told me in tears before work and that was that. Immediately afterwards they began openly messaging the college kid again.
I’m so bitter. I really didn’t matter at all to them or, only in the ways they wanted me to matter – conveniently, intimately for a time as an option because it suited them. Now they’ve jumped in with both feet and I feel so sick, knowing they’ll likely move him into the apartment that was supposed to be the start of *our life together. I don’t even know where to begin or what to do with this betrayal and the emotional cheating that went on behind my back, with them talking while we were still officially together.
I don’t know what to do. I left the whole state less than a month ago. I’m so furious, I want to see them fail catastrophically just so I can feel vindicated. But how could I ever let this go, how would I ever forgive it?
How do I move on from this person entirely? Please?
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It’s really tough to see how someone could take advantage of that kind of trust… I guess it makes you wonder if they ever really saw you as someone they wanted to build a future with, or just someone to fall back on when things got messy.
I’m sorry this happened to you 💔
A shitty thing to do for sure
It takes time and keeping yourself busy
Do a glow up of yourself, that is the best way and he can mourn what he lost
Sometimes you can do everything right and still fail.
You did all you could for them, but still wasn’t enough. Since they cheated on you, they will probably cheat again on their current relationship. You can watch them fail, it will happen. But you have to be alive to see it. So focus on yourself, grow and learn. Be better. Better than them, better than who you are now. Just be better. It will be a struggle, times where you want to quit, times where you backtrack, but don’t you dare stop.
They will fail again. Broke up twice. Just move on and don’t return calls when they call begging to get back together. If they took the apartment they need to pay you for deposit.
I am so sorry. This is very horrible but you will get through this, you’re stronger than you think and what they did is really horrible. But better to lose a few years than a lifetime
You need to completely end the friendship too
I’m sorry to hear this. They were using you as a back up. “Standing offer of engagement” doesn’t have the heat you deserve. You aren’t free salsa sitting at the buffet. You are guacamole! They need to be coming for you.
People go back to their abusers because they think they can change them. And also they go back to what they’re use to (their childhood – sounds like she likes the chaos and instability). Sadly the two of you moving in made it too real and probably something she’s not use to. You were too peaceful and safe for her. Move on king. I dated someone I thought I was going to marry too. But I felt like an emotional stepping stone after that relationship. Chances are there were a lot of red flags you were avoiding during the relationship. Actions speak louder than words as clichĂ© as it sounds.
The only way to move on from this is to go through it. Do not avoid the emotions and your feelings. Go away for a little while. It took me 1 year. Uninstalling social media. Deleting photos and throwing away and giving away things she gave me. You’re grieving someone who is still alive. The only thing I kept was a plant. I don’t think a plant deserves to die.
The best thing you can do is give yourself sometime to feel it. But then also give yourself sometime to process it logically. The faster you process it logically the faster you’re going to heal. You’re going to create a lot of false reality scenarios of a future that was never there. Realize you need to take this person off the pedestal you’ve put them on. And slowly work on yourself by getting social again and meeting people through social groups. I did this after a relationship.
Dating will be weird. Do not compare new people to her. You will never find the same person twice.
If she ever messages you again. Do not feed into it and do not take her back. You as the dumpee is in the position of power. Do not give her any power back. Any power you give away is like taking more respect away from your own worth.
You’ve got some massive work to do. That’s the only way to move on from a situation, from a person like this. Let yourself feel it, process it. You have a lot of work on yourself to do.
May I suggest Shadow Work?
What they did was selfish and deeply hurtful. You gave them real commitment, and they treated you like a backup plan. Moving away was a strong step, now start cutting mental ties too.
You won’t get closure from them, but you can create your own by choosing to heal without looking back.
Moving on from getting led on is hard, it really seriously is. And it’s hard to accept, but you have to keep reminding yourself that all you ever were was a plan B to them. There are people out there who will actually value you and who will actually want to be with you, and who would actually choose you in the face of anything that came their way.