Over the weekend I was at a house party with some friends I knew very well and some other people who I didn’t know as well.
The basics are that at the end of the party I was very drunk & high but was sobering up and everyone was calling rides or leaving with people but I live 30 minutes in the opposite direction and wanted to spend as much time with everyone that I could so I waited until the last person left to call my own. The guy who was hosting the party asked if I wanted to stay behind and pick up some trash also. After the trash we were sitting on the couch when he started rubbing on me and when I refused and he started assaulting me. The thing is I was eventually able to fight him off and run outside but just the way everything happened I feel wasn’t typical. The police opened a case on him because when I left the house I didn’t have my shoes or phone/keys or anything so I ran to a neighbor’s house and they called the police and apparently it was mandatory.
The reason I feel like I won’t be taken seriously is because:
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It was my own choice to stay behind alone in the house with the guy, everyone knew I hadn’t called a ride yet
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I was wearing a shirt that was pretty low cut but I did that for my friends not male attention
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I was drunk and so was he so our judgement was impaired
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he’s more popular than me
- he never actually penetrated me other than his fingers and I don’t have many marks other than a bruise around my neck and a few scratches. He looks more damaged because I tried to fight back
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I went back into the house because I didn’t have any of my things and when the police showed up all I told them was that he was holding my things and I needed them to escort me to get them. But then a female officer sat me down and interrogated me until I admitted that I was assaulted. Even though I was highly emotional and the officer made me say everything over and over again because I couldn’t speak clearly
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the police didn’t take pictures or ask me to go to the hospital
Since them I am doing okay I have been going to work and school and everything like normal like I made an Easter dinner to be dropped off, so I’m not actually traumatized. I haven’t told anyone yet and have been out with a friend who was at the party since then
The police are calling it SA but I’m not sure since he never penetrated me. I know I put rape in the title but I just needed to talk to someone about it and clear my head and I don’t think I’m going to do anything about it so I just wanted to write it down for some clarity and so I can leave it behind.
Comments
If it feels like rape, its rape. Don’t think your assault is small or little in any way, doesn’t matter what you were wearing or where you were, if you said no, he should’ve listened.
First of all, so sorry that this happened to you
Second of all, yes sometimes people, including law enforcement won’t take it seriously due to the victims behaviour or what they where wearing (if the victim is a woman) but I just want to make sure YOU don’t think that makes what happened to you not a crime
As for your recent behaviour being very “normal” there no perfect sexual assault victim, people will process and respond in their own way, just because you been going about your routine doesn’t mean you weren’t the victim of a crime
Does your country have any available support for sexual assault victims ie charities? They can provide emotionally support but also practical advice like handling law enforcement
Wish you luck in your journey
It was rape and it was not your fault. I’m so sorry you went through that. You did not deserve it!
if you want to report it or not is your decision, do what feels right to you and especially, what is kind to you.
Right now, treat yourself like if you had a cold to deal with the shock of what happened: drink tea, cuddle up in a blanket, call people you trust for support and reach out to a therapist. Also, play tetris – research shows it can prevent ptsd symptoms if played shortly after the traumatic event.
I’m sending you a healing digital hug with consent. please dont blame yourself for what happened and remember: it was not your fault.
First of all, I’m so sorry you experienced that. That absolutely is assault and you did not consent to it. I find it very strange they didn’t ask you to go to a hospital. Since this was still very recent, would you still be able to go to the hospital now to get checked up and have a rape kit done? It will be very helpful in supporting your case (DNA evidence)!
If it helps, none of the things you listed are reasons why this wouldn’t be SA. There’s only one excuse as to why a situation can’t be SA: if all participants enthusiastically consent. Did you? No? Then this is, unfortunately, SA. Even the police are calling it that, which, if you know how the police treat sexual assault, is saying something.
For every person who doesn’t take you seriously, there’s ten people who will—maybe quietly, maybe not to your face, but they will. I’m taking you seriously. I know it doesn’t help, but if the label of SA helps you contextualize this and move on, which hopefully will happen, then I’d say take a long, hard look at that label, at places that support victims of SA, at SA subreddits and forums and whatnot, and take what you can to help you feel better.
Very sorry this happened to you. Take whatever steps you need.
Sorry this happened to you. From your description, it sounds like he was operating with criminal intent. If you had not successfully fought him off, he would have continued the assault. Obviously, do what you feel comfortable doing, but the guy sounds like a rapist piece of shit to me.
This is an extremely serious matter and none of the reasons you listed would make the opposite.
Look at OP’s profile, this might just be a weird kink post, it’s a shame that’s where this sub is at these days.
Doesn’t matter if you think you asked for it. If you didn’t consent to it, it’s sa.