I never use reddit apart from anonymously lurking, but i really need advice
So i(18f) was at a party 2,5 weeks ago and i was drugged there and apparently raped. I didn’t know i was raped, or maybe like sort of, but definitely in denial. My memory is just so weird and feels like some soup or something… like the days after that party it felt like waking up from a weird dream and you don’t really know what that was and are forgetting it quickly. i still don’t know what’s imagined and whats real.
It makes me feel so dirty and scared that my mind feels like that… like i just genuinely don’t know what actually happened
But my period was late and i guess somewhere behind my denial i like knew or something. And i had a period test from when i thought i was pregnant like 8 months ago, but got my period before i even used it and just kept it. And it says positive. I have no idea what to do or who to call and just… this all feels like some weird alternate reality or something. It doesn’t feel like its really happening… i feel like i should probably cry or whatever, but thats not happening.
Its definitely from the party, cause i haven’t had sex in 4 months. My boyfriend is studying for 6 months in another country and i haven’t seen him since he left. So its definitely not his.
I’m in alone in my parents house, but they are in spain for another 1,5 week. And i don’t really want them anyway, we aren’t close and before my boyfriend left i stayed with him like 90% of the time. They’ll just say i’m stupid and i shouldn’t go to parties ect. And i don’t wanna worry my boyfriend cause he’s enjoying his trip so much and if i tell him this its all spoiled. I just love how happy he is. He knows i was drugged and already said he wanted to go home and be with me, and i said no because i didn’t wanna ruin it for him.
I know i was drugged with GHB because a friend took me to the emergency room when i apparently came to them and really didn’t look good, i don’t remember this. But i was still wearing own clothes and apparently conscious enough to move and talk. So i sort of believed that i hadn’t been unconscious and denied being raped… but now i think i just made myself believe that and filled in gaps with my own hopes and now i can’t trust my brain
My friends weren’t clear on how long i disappeared for, some said they didn’t see me for half an hour, others say over an hour. And i don’t know when it happened cause i don’t remember.
And i have no clue who it was, i don’t remember that either. So i couldn’t even report anything. But i knew most guys at the party, so it could very well be someone i know, i’m questioning everything now, even my friends.
I just don’t know what to do with all this, i can’t get my thoughts straight, my mind is going a millions miles an hour.
Please help me.
This post is probably a complete mess, but i hope its readable.
Comments
Oh my god I’m so sorry this happened. Please, talk to someone you love and trust about this. You’re not going to have your rapist’s baby, that’s insane, also you’re only 18. Tell your mom or another woman you trust to take you to a Planned Parenthood clinic. Oh my god I’m so sorry. Please talk to the people in your life your trust about this, there are people that will help
You should tell your boyfriend. This is far more important than his trip and if you know he will help you, you should tell him. This is so scary for you, I’m sure, but you need to tell a trusted friend, go to a doctor and talk to your boyfriend. Good luck, I’m so sorry youre going though this ❤️
Have you taken a pregnancy test? Was a rape kit done at the hospital?
Get an abortion. The only advice you need. There is no reason to go back and forth
if you’re in a state that has banned abortion, there are options for you. most of these states have grassroots groups which can help supply you with abortion medication. this will allow you to self manage an abortion, and not have to rely on a doctor or publicly speak about what you experienced before you’re ready. if you’re in a state that has not banned abortion or has protections, there are still funds to allow you to have an abortion if you can’t support yourself. if you need a ride anywhere, if you need monetary support, please reach out to these groups and advocates. they will usually have support for both of these things so you can have access. i am also 18, never had an abortion but i am a staunch advocate and i sincerely hope you’re alright, i know im a stranger but if you need support or want more links pls dm me, i know some of the funds from these states and can link them directly.
the websites ineedana.com and heyjane.com are both websites that can provide abortion pills. planned parenthood direct also has an option to send pills.
i want you to know this was not your fault and you do not deserve this. if you ever have the option please talk to a therapist and please be honest with your friends. the best way to make it through this is with a lot of support. and while i know dealing with self managed medication can be difficult, please push through for your own sake. you deserve a future. you deserve better.
Im not a expert but let’s break the basics,
Are you financially stable?
Are you MENTALLY stable?
Do you want kids?
Are you ready for a child?
Do you live in a state that allows Ab0rTi0ns?
These questions might help you navigate your possible solutions.
If you live where abortion is legal, get one right away. Then go for counseling because what happened to you was not your fault and will mess up your mind. Planned Parenthood is a good start if MAGA hasn’t gutted it in your state.
Go to your healthcare professional and ask for a medical exam. Then tell your closest person what happened and also tell your boyfriend so he can support you. Rape is a crime, please go to the cops. About the pregnancy, only you can decide what to do.. it’s your body!! I feel so sorry for you and wish you all the best 🌷
Who is the dad now
Do you have the possibility to do an abortion? You obviously do whatever you want, i would personally do one though. Confide in a friend but I think you should tell your boyfriend if you want to when you’re thinking ”selfishly” (not talking his trip into consideration) because he is your boyfriend and if the roles were reversed wouldn’t you wanna know?
You probably can do a report still, at least the fetus has his dna, maybe there’s still sperm from him in you, plus you know most of the people at the party.
Also you shouldn’t feel ashamed at all, this doesn’t say anything about you only about him and he is a horrible person for doing such a thing. you’re far from alone in this which is unfortunate but I imagine it might also be comforting in a sense to you. Maybe find some SA victim to talk to, maybe there’s some community on Reddit or something. Whatever you do it will work out
If you went to the hospital for GHB in your system it’s highly suspicious that they did not do an exam and recommend any follow up. Go back to the same hospitals ER and they will complete an exam and do a pregnancy test to confirm and assist you with services.
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Instead of the sun sign you can pay the personality or the appearance
Do you know who did this to you? It could have been more than one man. It’s horrible to think that this could happen in this day and age when we’re supposed to be so enlightened.
Herbs. Do some research online. There are herbs to induce termination. The health food store in my neighborhood sells a tea and the guy knew exactly the instructions on how to use it to produce desired effect. Look at Chinese herbal medicine for your purposes. And guuuurll, NEVER LEAVE YOUR DRINK UNATTENDED. I tell my daughter this all the time. Best wishes.
hey, i’m so sorry this happened to you. seriously. reading this hurt my heart. none of this is your fault. you were drugged and something was done to you that you didn’t consent to. that’s not on you. not remembering everything doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and the way your brain feels foggy or disjointed is actually really common with GHB and trauma in general. your mind’s doing its best to protect you.
it’s okay that you don’t know how to feel right now. numbness, confusion, even feeling like it’s not real, that’s all part of how some people process shock and trauma. there’s no “right” way to react. you’re not broken.
the fact that you’ve managed to write all this out, even through all that confusion and fear, shows a lot of strength. even if you don’t feel strong right now.
right now, the most important thing is getting you support. if you can, please try to go to a doctor or a sexual health clinic. they can confirm the pregnancy and talk you through your options. it’s your choice, and whatever you decide, whether to continue, adopt, or end it, is valid and yours alone. and they’ll probably also know of trauma counselors or services you can reach out to.
you also don’t have to go through this alone. even if it’s just one friend you trust. or maybe, when you’re ready, your boyfriend. it sounds like he genuinely cares about you, and honestly, you wouldn’t be “ruining” anything by telling him. you’re going through something heavy and painful. he’d probably want to support you, even if you’re scared to lean on him right now.
you’re not stupid. you didn’t cause this. people should be able to go to a party without being drugged and raped. that’s not on you.
please take it one step at a time. just getting through today is enough. if you need help figuring out who to call or where to go, i’m sure people here (including me) would be glad to help. you don’t have to carry this by yourself.
sending you so much love. you’re not alone ❤️
Get in touch with r/auntienetwork they’ll get you taken care of. So sorry this happened to you😞❤️
Talk to a doctor about the pregnancy and your choices
The fetus DNA will reveal your rapist . It is done by a blood test
You need to contact the police and report it. If it happened to you, it’s going to happen to someone else. If you’re sure you’re pregnant you need to consider your options and decide quickly.
Hey – I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine the fear you must feel right now. I also know that coming forward about something like this (not even to report but just to try to deal with the pregnancy aspect) can feel really shameful, terrifying, or even impossible. I’m glad you reached out. First, just try to take some deep breaths and remind yourself that everything will be okay.
The first thing I would recommend is seeing a medical professional of some kind. Since the test is positive, you’re most likely pregnant, but going to a doctor’s office or medical clinic to get a second test is always a good option if you’re able to. False positives do happen. If that’s outside of your resources, you can always take another at home test or just go with the information from the original test you did.
From your use of 2,5 1,5 I’m assuming you’re in Europe. I’m from America so I don’t have a ton of knowledge about healthcare in Europe in general but without knowing the country you’re in there’s not a ton of specific suggestions I can give in terms of resources. In America we have Planned Parenthood. I might try searching for “women’s health clinic near me” or something like that. Make sure it’s nonsecular just so you can get the most objective experience. At most of these clinics, you can talk with a health professional about your options. I don’t know what your personal beliefs are and you should make the decision that’s right for you, but, just based on your situation, it seems like you may not want to keep the baby. If you don’t, you can usually (again, depends on the country) get help from these clinics to receive an abortion, if that’s what you want. You may also be able to get an abortion pill if that’s easier for you, just be mindful that you’re within the window and height/weight/other requirements for it to work.
Finally, I understand what you’re saying about your boyfriend and his trip, but this is an incredibly traumatic thing you’ve been through! You will need support from people you trust (and hopefully a therapist/counselor if you’re in a position to be able to get one) to process this event. Preserving his fun on this trip is not more important than you getting the support you need during one of the most difficult things that can ever happen to a person. Of he’s a good partner and a good man he will want to be there for you and help you in any way he can. I’m sure it’s terrifying to tell him, but I really think you’ll benefit from the support and that is the sort of thing you should 100% be able to confide in your partner.
Finally, the coming weeks, months, etc. will be really difficult. There’s no sugarcoating that. Give yourself grace, do what you can do, put yourself and your healing first, and make sure to remember that this was not your fault! You didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t deserve this. What that person did to you does not define you and things will get better <3
You are too young to have this baby! A baby is for life !
I would definitely recommend an abortion and normally I’m against them but this situation wasn’t your fault I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Please see a therapist. There is a lot to unpack here. Please see a female therapist to help you unearth your feelings and explore options.
I’m so incredibly sorry that happened to you. I would recommend telling your boyfriend. I know you don’t wanna worry him, but he’s your boyfriend, and he needs to know. Together, you need to think about what you want to do. If you want to keep the baby, that’s fine, but if you don’t, then you need to look at all your options. Focus on yourself and what you want. That is absolutely horrible, and I hope that you can have peace and justice in some way. Please be safe.
A relative of mine was in this exact situation and was scared to tell anyone. Her family shunned her, and I was too little to understand what was happening. Throughout it all, she stopped and thought about herself. What did she want? She cut ties with the people who hurt her and grew from it.
Please, please, please think about your needs and what you want first. I hope everything gets better. 🪻🌹
I got pregnant after an assault. years ago. I had an abortion and I do not regret it for one second. a vast majority of women do not regret their abortions.
you have a choice to make. one that will determine the rest of your life. you should talk to your parents and your boyfriend. you have every right to terminate, or to keep your pregnancy if that is what you choose. find out how far along you are and what that means for your options. listen to the people in your life who love you l, and then ultimately, the decision is yours and yours alone.
Wishing you the best. 🫶
It doesn’t matter who the father was, it’s not the baby’s fault, just like it’s not your fault.
Do you feel in your heart you would love the baby? Or do you think you would resent him because of his father?
Do you have savings? Talk to your boyfriend! Both of you should decide if you would be the baby’s parents. And then take it from there
You should look for options for legal termination of pregnancy. Don’t waste any more time.
Please report to the police. Everyone at that party should be interviewed by them.
Choose a trusted friend and/or your mom. Tell them what happened. It’s up to you but abortion is probably the best route for something like this. You’re very young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Sending love
Hold on, the pregnancy test is positive from 8 months ago?
Step 1: Get an abortion.
Step 2: If you haven’t told anyone about being pregnant don’t. Do not tell your boyfriend either and go to your grave with the secret.
Ok so I don’t know much about how things work in the US but these are the things you need to do go to the cops, tell you parents and your bf and know that he might want some time to process it and you need to process whether you wanna keep it or not.
You’ll have his DNA. Go and file police report to at least get it on record and then start systematically going through the ppl at the party.
I’d let the ppl there know, “I’ve filed a police report and will be requesting dna from every male there.
Even if the guy isn’t in the system yet, if he ever gets arrested for a felony or submits his ema he’ll be caught and it will hopefully come to light.
It’s that or do nothing and accept it. Fuck that, that (those) dickless pieces of shit deserve hell’s fury!