Trigger warning, this is a throwaway account for obvious reasons and I’ll try to keep it short
I (20F now) grew up in an outwardly perfect home, but my dad was grooming me since before I can remember. Started with goodnight kisses and eventually went to touching, then other sexual things began to happen. By the time I was 8 my dad was having intercourse with me. This continued until I turned 14 and was removed from my home.
I’ve have many mental health issues because of this.. C-PTSD, Depression, anxiety, BPD, struggle with self harm and have struggled with just feeling worthless my whole life.
So, now I’ve known this guy (23M) for about five months now. We decided maybe two weeks ago to start dating, this is my first ‘serious’ relationship and I know that with dating comes intimacy. I know sex is something he wants, but before we would ever have sex – I wanted to make sure he knew about my past and what I went through. (Just in case I freaked out on him or something)
I told him what my dad did to me and he basically reacted with disgust. Said “I’m not putting my dick where your dad’s had been!”. I honestly think he’s going to break up with me now
Long story short, that’s what happened and I’ve never felt so disgusting and unwanted in my life. No fault to my boyfriend, because I totally get it. It is weird. But what if nobody ever wants to be with me because of something someone else did to me? and I’m alone forever? I never considered the possibility that I could be literally ruined for the rest of my life as far as relationships go. struggling right now just wanted to vent a little
Comments
holy shit what a fucking pile of shit. Please understand your dads abuse was not your fault and any close minded dickhead like that does not deserve your body
Your dad is a piece of shit and so is this “supposed” boyfriend. You were a child and had no control over the situation, and your boyfriend acting like you’re disgusting is honestly the most infuriating thing i’ve read today. Tell your boyfriend how you feel, maybe he’ll realize how fucked up he is, and if not then dump his ass because if he can’t be trusted with this, something so important to you, who knows what else he’ll find “disgusting”. You deserve better and should stop blaming yourself for something that you had no control over. You are not gross, you are not ruined. You just need someone who’ll show you the love you deserve.
You need to leave him now. As someone who was sexually abused as a child (4-8) by my mom’s boyfriend at the time and i am now 26. I have told multiple serious partners and they have NEVER HAD THIS reaction. It’s wrong, it’s childish, and he’s absolutely vile to react that way. You deserve someone who’s going to treat you with kindness and understanding when you open up about a hard part of your past, not act with disgust while shaming you. Find yourself a boyfriend with an actual brain in his head, there’s no understanding this his reaction was wrong plain and simple you deserve better.
>no fault to my boyfriend
Actually all fault to him. If he thinks it’s “weird” that you were an innocent blameless victim of child abuse, then that’s because he’s an utterly unforgivable piece of shit with the emotional maturity of a used, discarded animal refuse bag.
You deserve much better than him.
You are not disgusting, you are not weird. You are strong and important and you matter.
Please break up with him and consider this a dodged bullet.
Cruel reaction to such a trauma. He sounds very immature and unempathetic.
Something he doesn’t understand is that you had no control over what your dad did to you. You will never have control over that. It was and is something in your life that you cannot change. Without that abuse, you are not the same person. It has made you who you are.
You must understand and accept that he doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want to be with you. The person who does is out there. You will eventually find them.
You are not ruined. You are not broken. You were forged by fire and pain. By tears and tidal waves. And you survived. A lot of people will find that intimidating and not be able to handle it. Allow those people to leave, because if they won’t take you at your most vulnerable, they don’t deserve to have you standing by their side when they fight their most brutal battles.
You have the power to survive even if you did not ask for it. A lot of people will turn you away because they think you are damaged and do not have that same ability. Let them leave.
That guy will not take you anywhere good leave and don’t look back find a man who values you and treats you’re past with caution and empathy someone who loves you not this guy
What the actual crap? Your EX boyfriend is hard core asshole. Not a little one. A big giant one.
I promise you someone will love you for you. What your awful father did won’t change that. This guy is not your person. Turn him loose and go find your person.
I’m so sorry you went through that, I know how hard that is to deal with, even years after it happened. Your boyfriend is immature and ignorant for thinking you’re gross. You are not gross. None of that was your fault. I promise you that you deserve love and you will find that love. Your past trauma does not make you unlovable.
You were vulnerable with him about your abuse and he threw it back in your face.
This was an emotional fraught subject for you but you trusted him enough to be vulnerable only for him to be focused on whose dick was involved and what that meant for him was gross as hell.
You deserve better OP. This man is not emotional mature enough.
Such scary stories in my feed. I’m sorry u had to go through hell
First of all, it was not your fault. It never was. You did nothing wrong, you did everything right. Your adults failed you.
Second, you are worthy of love. You are worthy of compassion. You are worthy of respect.
Lastly, your ex boyfriend to be is gross and definitely not worthy of you. Cut your losses and move on.
🚩🚩🚩breakup with this asshat ASAP. There are plenty of men who would care and would want to make sure you are ok.
Your boyfriend isn’t the one for you. A person who loves and cares about you wouldn’t be disgusted by you and they would show compassion. Since it’s your first serious relationship I’m telling you now that anyone who judges you for something that was out of your control in the past shouldn’t be in your life.
He literally needs to go to hell immediately omfg BOTH OF THEM for that matter
What’s amazing about this to me is that this is clearly an indication of the developing sense of self worth growing inside you. You are feeling like you deserve to be treated better than this! Because you fucking DO deserve to be treated better than this. Keep going! You are beautiful and inspiring
For someone to hear about something horrible that happened to you, and for their reaction to be relating it to themselves in such a vulgar way, is a very bad sign. The most gracious I could possibly be to him is that he has a lot of growing to do, but I can’t imagine it would be helpful for you to be in a relationship with him while he does that growing.
You aren’t broken or ruined or anything like that. It can be difficult to feel your body is totally your own after sexual trauma, and you deserve someone who will work with you and treat you with tenderness. Not someone who will make it about themselves and say, at best, careless and hurtful things before considering your perspective and wellbeing. I’m really sorry that he reacted that way, and I hope you’re leaning on your support networks. And that you know this is a sign of him lacking something, not you.
Boyfriend needs some back alley education for that comment.
That’s kind of… just pure evil all around.
No no no! All the fault to your ex boyfriend! Dump him through text immediately! He’s not the right person for you! You need someone who will react with empathy and kindness about your history. Your ex obviously has none of these qualities
Your worth is not determined by the things done to you. It’s beyond that.
Your value will never be limited by any boundary set by someone’s opinion of you, your history, or your choices. They have no claim to it.
You own your value, no one else, and even then I promise you that you can’t see the half of it, or the potential.
You will come across people who respect the value you see in yourself, and they will work hard to show you the value in yourself that you can’t see. Love those people dearly, and do the same for them in return.
And then there will be people like this, who try to take from you by making you think that you’re less than who you are. These people are full of shit. Don’t listen to them.
This one here? This is all about him, and folks like him. He’s just helping you learn what to avoid and what not to accept in the next one. Value the lesson, know it’s not about you, and look forward to discovering the people you will want to keep around. You will find them, and they will love you back. They will not be perfect at it, and neither will you, but they will always, always want to help you be brighter, and celebrate your worth.
Your boyfriend needs to become an EX starting right now. Nobody should ever make you feel like garbage for something that’s been done to you like that. I’m serious. I know you will have a hard time seeing it this way but you are worth so much more than what your dad has done to you or what your “Boyfriend” has said to you. Dump him and find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated; with kindness, respect, and compassion. It is unacceptable for anyone to make you feel gross or disgusting over your trauma, they are disgusting not you.
I’m so fucking sorry you found comfort in someone who was nothing more than a disappointment.
It’s so hard to break trauma patterns, that may be why you stayed in this situation.
I hope you heal, choose the beautiful being you are…and then, once you love yourself I hope you find someone who can love you and support you like you do for yourself. You deserve to feel whole.
You are not disgusting.
That dad and that guy is.
I hope you will find peace, love and someone who will understand that was something out of your control and accept you for who you are.