So this story starts on Valentine’s Day. My husband asked that we try ENM/Poly. I knew that was something he has always potentially wanted so.i.agreed and starting creating a dating profile.
I ended up clicking with someone and we went on a couple dates. When it.came time for sex it ended up with him not taking no for an answer and was an extremely traumatic event for me. My husband was filled with guilt, filled with guilt about the assault, about missing ENM, etc. He did his best to support me, said he loved me and worked through my trauma with me.
Fast forward to Monday. I had an extremely difficult day at work (I stay at home while my husband works then work 5-1030) When I came home I showered. My husband was acting not his self the last couple days and had been talking more with a co worker/friend about her relationship troubles. I had a moment of extreme weakness, jealousy, and idk stupidity and selfishness? I picked up his journal and opened it to read it. I read a sentence about him saying he was lying to himself about his feelings of his co worker. I closed it and went and told him what I had done. There is no excuse for this, I know that. I broke his trust.
He was immediately furious and angry and left the house. I was crying upset and not sure why I had even done it. I just felt so paranoid. When he got back he said I broke his trust and he was done this time. He told me to give him his debit card (our joint account. He has his own as well that I don’t have access to) and he told me he feels trapped with me.
I made an emergency appointment with our couples therapist that we already had. He told her he wasn’t sure he wanted to work on things, and that he wants no physical intimacy and space from me till our next appointment. He communicated he wanted to still work together as parents and continue that relationship as normal but not talk about ours at all. No hugging, discussing or even sleeping in the same bed.
I feel so broken I’m having a hard time functioning. I hate everything and am so lost and hurting.
Comments
How about this be kind to him from now on try to earn his trust back without telling him directly he seems like a good person so you could probably try to win his heart back but you cannot make the same mistake twice especially not anymore
Cant understand couples who want poly experiments. He brought it upon both of you.
Sounds like he just wants an excuse to leave you
He sounds like he got caught, feels guilty, and so he threw a tantrum. Especially considering you’re married with a child. I wonder what else he’s hiding
So…he suggests this lifestyle. You get SEVERELY hurt in the process. He acts differently afterward, doesn’t say anything, you peep his diary and find he has feelings for someone else. Was he ever going to say anything?!? Is this really the time for him to be pursuing something?! Then he has such an overblown tantrum like a whole ass child!
He needs to take several seats. He’s being a real POS partner right now when you need him the most.
He is gaslighting you. Just mad he got caught.
The journal reading sounds like it came out of trauma induced insecurities. I can understand feeling angry and violated on his end, but an empathetic partner would understand that right now is a time you need reassurance, especially after what you found. It sounds like this isn’t the first time he’s wanted to leave.
This relationship sounds toxic all around. You are broken, your relationship is. Let him go and find yourself again. There is peace after this hot mess. Also, individual counseling for your rape.