I was sexually exploited at my daycare when i was 5-7 years old.

Im 16 and im still processing the realization. please forgive me for typos as im writing this as my thoughts come in.

Now i want to make this clear; the daycare itself was not flawed. The caretaker, who ill just call suzi was a great person. It was the people who were looked after there, and the manipulation they did to me to keep my mouth shut. Im also autistic so when i was young, i didnt understand what they were doing was wrong but as i get older i realize…thats some pretty fucked up shit ive been through. Id say the only issue was the age group was pretty large, which caused the issues. (babies to 16 y/o). The reason that was like that was Suzi was trying to make somewhere where people who were poor have the ability to have time away from their kids or whatever.

It all started with a kid im gonna call kale. just because i hate the taste of kale and it comes in ironically later. Kale was 13 at the time.

I didnt have many friends at the daycare, kale was my only friend. It was very hard to socialize so it was nice having somebody who understood me. we would always play together, eat together, and hang out in trees together. Some kids jokingly shipped us. (note this was way before i realized i was transmasc.) It was pretty good.

Then one day, kale said that he wanted to show me a suprise he had, and that i was not to tell anyone. he knew of a blind spot where the cameras didn’t see and so he took me over there.

When we were there, behind the fence, hidden, he pulled down his pants and showed me his dick. i didnt know what it was but i asked. he told me to touch it so i did, trusting him. he then made me give him a fuckin’ handjob. like i said, i was young and i didnt understand what was going on.

When Suzi came out to get us all ready for dinner, he quickly shoved me away, fixed his pants and told me to keep it a seceret.

This went on for a few months untill summer, thats when another kid came around, he was 15, and im just gonna call him Xan. he was also my ‘friend’. Whenever we were in the pool, Xan told me to show him my privates, not knowing any better, i did

At first it was just that, but then he begun touching me. I…liked the feeling that went through my body when he did that. i didnt know why but i just did.

so now i have both Kale and Xan using me, and me, autistic and young didnt know any better. They told me that if i said anything then id be in trouble as Suzi and My Mom would hit me.

in fear, i never said anything, even when kale forced himself upon me and made me suck his cock.

The 2 went on with their antics for months untill one day, i was sick at home.

Kale had full on raped a 4yo. Trin as ill call her. this got kale kicked out of the daycare permanatly. I remember my mom asking me if kale had touched me or whatever and scared i said no. my only friend was lost and i didnt know why.

I blame myself nowdays for this. I wish that i had pushed through my illness because maybe then trin wouldnt have to live like that. i only wonder what shes going through right now. I constantly barrate myself that i was the reason why she had gone through that.

Eventually xan moved away and i was alone again, and the SA had ended.

I never realized what had happened untill i was around 15 and it made me sick

it made me sick to think that somebody would manipulate a mentally disabled child into doing things for their sick pleasure. i hated that i was so dumb and i LET THEM do it.

i was in denial for a few months, because well, It cant be rape/sa, i was never actually fucked.

I only just came out to my therapist about this and i was terrified, worried that she’d get mad, all these years…the manipulation had stuck with me and i Hated it. Even nowadays when im hit on in a way i dont like, or touched, i dont tell anyone.

Im also stuck with hypersexuality, i have these constant and uncomfortable urges to be used again. and i fucking Hate it. i hate how i now want to just be used like that again eventhough it broke me into somebody like this nowadays but here we are.

Im going to abandon this acc soon but, i needed to get this off my chest because its been on it for so long.