When I was 16, I went over to see this guy I had a crush on. He was closer to my age and honestly, I was nervous but excited. But when I got there, his older brother (who was 25 at the time) started talking to me instead.
One thing led to another, and instead of hanging out with the guy I came for, I ended up sleeping with his brother. I was young, naïve, and honestly flattered by the attention. He definitely knew my age.
I ghosted the brother I originally came for, and to this day I still feel guilty about that. At the same time, I don’t know how to feel about what happened with his older brother. Part of me thought I was “grown” at the time, but looking back now, I can see how messed up the situation was.
I’ve never told anyone this in real life, and I still think about it sometimes. I don’t even know if I should feel shame, anger, or nothing at all.
Would you consider that I was taken advantage of, or that it was just a dumb teenage decision?
Comments
Instead of wondering how you should feel, spend some time sitting with it. How do you feel about it, right now? There’s no correct response without knowing that.
no 25 year old man has any business with a 16 year old girl, he knew what he was doing. You were taken advantage of.
Imagine this happened to your niece, nephew, or daughter.
Remove yourself from the equation and think about it that way.
You were taken advantage of and the older brother should be fucking stoned to death. We need a 0 tolerance law for those who would hurt children, especially in that way. Absolute scum of the earth.
If you feel fine about it, then it’s probably fine.
But also that guy’s a predator lol
you were 16 and he was 25 thats not on you he took advantage
It didn’t seem like you were taken advantage of. If feels like you made a conscious decision at the time. You shouldn’t be ashamed.
Yuck
I would have told his parents AND. The police. That guy is a loser and a predator.
The 25 year old should have not crossed the line.
OP isn’t gonna answer any of your questions ‘cuz this is just rage bait to keep you on the platform, wasting your time, reacting to hypotheticals…go outside, pet an animal today, interact with your own life, stop falling for this BS
this is a complicated situation so it’s no surprise that your feelings around it might be complicated but it’s also just fine if they aren’t. as someone who has been there i will say this, you were taken advantage of by an older man who had no business getting with a minor but that doesn’t mean you have to walk around carrying some deep intense anger or shame.
it’s okay to recognize that you consented or that at the time you enjoyed it while also recognizing that the adult in the situation shouldn’t have allowed/put you in the situation at all. if you don’t feel traumatized you don’t have to push yourself to be. someone i thought was a friend SAed me when i was drunk and asleep on my 20th birthday, i didn’t know it happened until the next morning when he told me as he was leaving that next time he would appreciate it if i put a little more effort into the sex. this was a friend, we had never slept together before so i was confused, shocked, hurt and expected for this to be something that i would be traumatized by. i waited for the trauma to hit and i felt weird when it never came. i wasn’t traumatized by it but i also couldn’t remember anything so i basically just… felt fine. i know other women who have been in the same situation really struggled and it impacted their ability to fall asleep, gave them panic attacks, made them terrified of people they trusted and i expected that i should react the same way. i contemplated if my not feeling traumatized meant i liked it when i knew my initial and continued reaction had been hurt and disgust towards that “friend.” but there’s no one way to react to something like that and i’ve decided to just count myself lucky that despite what happened i am okay.
it’s okay to be okay, it’s okay to feel nothing. you can still recognize that the 25 year old
man had no business pursuing you and that adults that sleep with minors are predators while at the same time being okay despite what happened. you aren’t the bad guy in this scenario, yes it was a dumb teenage decision but that doesn’t make it your fault… teenagers do dumb things and the adults around them are supposed to have good intentions and want to keep them safe, they aren’t supposed to use a teenager’s vulnerability and naivety against them to get what they want.
and if you realize you aren’t okay, that’s alright too. my suggestion would be to lean on your friends and family for support, utilize creative outlets like art, music, or writing, find a therapist or see if your town/city has free group therapy sessions that happen a couple times a month. i wish you all the best <3
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25 yr old here was a sick fuck. He should have been like okay kiddo go hang out with my little brother. You were a child. Im sorry this happened.
When me and my friend 15 we dated 2 benghali guys in England who was 25 at the time we thought that was cool etc now am 34 with a 13 year old and it makes me sick! You was taken advantage of and it’s seriously wrong
When you turned 25, what was your opinion on the maturity of 16 year olds? That was what he should have said
It sounds like a bad teenage decision. But at the same time, the brother should have known better and that he was doing something incredibly stupid. If he truly felt something for you, he could have continued to talk with and even see you, but wait for anything more for a more appropriate time in your life.
Your ages would be perfectly legal in my country, and not even super uncommon. I would take this as two horny people met each others. Yes, it was not cool thing to do to the other brother. From either of you.
When I was 16 I had full time job. Year later I rented apartment. It is very much possible to feel and live as adult in that age. Of course we mature after that. It still keeps happening and I’m in my early 30s now. I have been told it keeps happening even in your 70s too.
Just don’t ghost people anymore. We make mistakes. This one wasn’t huge.
I can’t decide which is grosser. The 25 year old sleeping with a 16 y/o. Or doing that to his brother.
I’d say from your perspective, both are just dumb teenager stuff. Unless you’re carrying something from it. If so, therapy or talk it through with someone you trust.
First of all I want to say, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. That 25 YEAR OLD KNEW YOU WERE 16, he assaulted you and I am so fucking sorry you’ve had to deal with that for years. Even as teenagers we all make mistakes but that man knew wtf he was doing
If a woman your age told you this story, I suspect you would have empathy for her and understand that she was taken advantage of by a man that should have (and probably did) know better. Give yourself the same consideration your would give that girl.
I think you should feel however you feel about it. I think a 25-year-old banging a child is pretty gross.
Funny. This exact same scenario played out with my ex from high school after we broke up. Poor mikey.
Regardless of whatever laws you creeps wanna hide behind. A 16 year old CHILD does not have the mental capacity to understand a situation like that until it is too late and if she did have that understanding then she would have backed away or decided that this isn’t right.
If you’re 16 thinking you’re grown then you’re clearly a child because a child who UNDERSTANDS that they are a child and that situation is wrong wouldn’t have even put themselves in that situation to begin with.
Personally, I feel like if a kid that young did understand such things they’d probably already went through some serious trauma and even then, there is no excuse for a 25 YEAR OLD MAN To be even THINKING ABOUT TOUCHING A CHILD
girl no. And the fact that the OP is older and pondering these questions literally says it all. If that wasn’t a cause for concern then the thought of concern would’ve never crossed this reddit post.
You can think what you want about the situation and feel however you want but the fact of the matter is that you were taken advantage of; to the degree of which is up to your feelings.
But to normalize a CHILD SLEEPING WITH AN ADULT is sick and twisted of the highest order and those individuals need to be jailed.
(Some kids with trauma also probably think they’re grown and that’s why those kids usually stay childish for the rest of their lives. They’re fighting for their sanity atp)
Something similar happened to me growing up 🙁 sending prayers
Everyone in this story sucks besides the younger brother.
That’s all I wanted to say.
Damn NTR
It’s certainly weird for anyone of mid 20s to be interested in a 16yr old girl. I had met someone one time when i was in my teens. Dumb, naive, didn’t know or had done anything and we sort of hit it off and he asked me my age and that was the end of it.
When i think back at that time and that dumb girl i was who was just flattered by attention i see a kid who didn’t know better. But that guy when i think of him. I think, that was a good guy. He probably had an idea how old i was because, people can tell. But he never pursued me or even acted like he wanted to once he knew. How many men are like that? So few it seems. An i’m grateful he didn’t try to take advantage of a dumb girl who in all didn’t know what she was talking about. How should you feel about it is a different question from how you do feel about it and it comes to light more when we mature and see the situation in an adult pov.
The way your treated tells you everything about whether you should even waste your time.
Thank you for letting us know you’re being honest about being nervous
He (his brother) definitely knew what he was doing, seems that was his only intention, just to sleep with you and YOU were a kid, you got confused. You should feel guilty for what? Getting manipulated? No.
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How much y’all wanna bet the 25 year old guy is on the registry. He never asked how old she was and it wouldn’t matter if was below 16.
Oh you were deffently taken advantage of totally.
Bruh this happend to me
Taken advantage of 110%
You were definitely taken advantage of. At 25, he was a grown man and clearly a sexual predator. I don’t intend to add any more negativity to the situation, please try to look at it in the opposite light. You were a literal child, taken advantage of by an adult. Nothing was right about that. When you say you don’t know how you should feel, feel whatever feels right. You have the right to feel any way about that. I hope that you’re doing well now ✌️
Of course you were taken advantage of
I ter atong
If age of consent is 16 like many European countries then it’s totally fine.
The law doesn’t determine an age range, at 16 you can fuck any other person over 16. You are deemed to be old enough to make that decision. I had a 16/22 relationship that lasted 10 years.
Roses are red
Cactuses are prickly
Holy shit that escalated quickly
He knew what he was doing. He was a predator/is. Forgive your younger self. I know some are screaming 16 is legal in other places etc fine, would you be okay with your child sleeping with someone that was 25?
That’s how Love goes ..
16 is the age of consent in a lot of places.
You’re a hoe. Very simple 😂
The land of would of, could of, should of is full. It was whatever it was. Focus on the present. Your self-awareness is a gift for you for your future.
i’m really happy that when i was 25 i was interested in 19-24 year olds
You got tricked. They planned for it.
I smell MAGA here. Empathy is quickly becoming a thing of the past. I have three adult daughters. The thought of this happening to any of them would enrage me. 16 year olds are still kids. Ignoring this is a detriment to our society.
lmfao
You had the sense and desire to “ghost” as you said, his brother and chose his older brother instead. Is the older brother a good guy, I don’t think so. But you knew what was happening. You chose to ditch one man for another. The whole sequence of events didn’t happen in a vacuum and you are not a kid. Was it wrong. YES. But you need to reflect on your decisions as well along with what others did. The reason I say that is if you were forced then that’s when you need to call the police. On the whole I hope you can grow into a stronger and better person and have an amazing life!
It seems fucked up but when I was in high school so many girls age15-17 were sleeping with guys in their 20’s.
Why not both? He took advantge of a naive teenager which made dumb decisions…
You were young but sounds like you wanted an adult experience. He is human. In the current social and political culture there is no doubt it was his responsibility as the adult to manage the situation and protect you since you were a child.
That said, culture was different 10-20 years ago and popular media offered us songs like sexy and 17 my Little Rock and roll queen. We were suspicious of adults that allowed teenage flirting to progress but the culture viewed them more as insecure, immature and unable to impress someone their age so they went after children who are impressed they could make their own sandwich but we may not have framed them as pedo criminals. I assume we didn’t since pop media had plenty of examples romanticizing the situation.
A man who needs to be worship by a first love is truly insecure has the need to control and is unlikely to capable of building the strength and confidence of a teenage girl. He is more likely to convince her to act in his self interest rather than support her development.
My point is even if it was not treated socially as criminal it likely indicates a selfish predatory behavior if he targeted teenagers. It is also possible he didn’t take interest until you showed up flirting and he got caught up in the moment and was conflicted and upset at his lack of self control. You and him are the only two who know.
It would be unfortunate if he is framed in a way that was inconsistent of the moment but I lean on the side of he should have been more thoughtful and had more self control and the desire to protect.
I have observed situations when the aggressive teen was proud of their ability to capture their attention, led the dance and takes a concerned “adult” through by convincing it was ok. Does not excuse him. Then the girl realizes the social value of victim signaling and reframes the experience with no concern of the impact beyond the benefits they get from being the victim of a supposedly traumatic experience. We can also convince someone an experience they cherished causes them trauma and it gets reprogrammed as such. Life is complicated and many people want to leverage our experience and thinking for their own benefit or feelings. We have to ground in our self and act in ways we do not later regret and actually cause trauma for how we handled people. My biggest regrets that I must deal with were when I was not more careful with peoples hearts and it goes in every direction. I am not talking about underage but I didn’t know how to recognize trauma or a type of unhealthy neediness and justified accepting cooked meals as sharing time with someone and didn’t anticipate how fast and intense a little attention can grow into something. I can only imagine the impact of involving sex.
That said these are many men who honestly believe they are a hero who protects and teaches someone the ropes in a kind and gentle way or something. My point is we don’t know, doesn’t look great but he may have had twisted beliefs of protecting, someone who lost control to your sex magic and the spells you cast because you wanted the relationship or he could have been a predator who only seeks those he can control and manipulate and view his as impressive simply because he made it to 25.
It you don’t know then consider learning and be honest in your reflection. I have observed behaviors that devalue and make it difficult to target true predator who are evil and destructive.
There seems to be a massive amount of hate on here and it’s ridiculous. I’m not going to tell you that you were right or wrong but I will tell you from my own experience. In WI age of consent is 18 as far as I’m aware. I was 16(29 now) and I started hanging out with a 19 year old because of a mutual friend. We hung out a few times, exchanged numbers and so on. We ended up starting a relationship, were together for about 4 months and I ended up losing my virginity to him. I wasn’t manipulated or gaslit into sex. I told him numerous times that it was okay and I did end up telling my mom within a week of it happening but not my dad. I knew my dad would freak out so my mom didn’t tell him either lol. I see nothing wrong with your situation because you seemed fully aware of what was going on and weren’t under the influence of anything so screw the haters and don’t worry about it. If you were fully aware of everything going on and don’t feel guilty or shamed about it, you’re fine. I’ve always been with guys older than me because I find ones closer to my age immature. My current boyfriend is 6 years older than me and he’s been there for me more than anyone else I’ve been with and I see us getting married. My age gap limit has been 10 years since I was probably 19 or 20 because it’s just fucking weird and I’d feel like I’m dating my dad or his brother if a guy were to be any older than me, and that’s just my personal take on it.
What I wouldn’t do is to try to make yourself into a victim now. If back then you thought you were mature enough to make that decision, and you’ve lived your life normally until now, there’s just no benefit in it.
I believe you were old enough to know what was happening with older brother. Id also day there are 16 year olds with different maturity levels. I was 16 and had a similar aituation occur with a set of brothers. I actually was more like a young woman in my twenties at that time in my life, not an inexperienced brainless teenager. It was mutually satisfying sexually, and we met up again a few months later. The youngerbrother didnt care andactually was involved with another young woman come to find out. Maturity wise he was a 17 year old with a 13 year old brain, and i had nothing in common with him.
Dumb teenage decision
I did this one time except with one of the guys roommates. The guy I came over to see wouldn’t speak to me, instead his roommate spoke to me and we hit it off and I ended up sleeping with him that night instead of the guy I originally came to see 🥴 we continued to see each other for a couple months and during that time the original person I was interested in, he brought another girl home and we all would hang out like nothing ever happened. It was never spoke of or brought up – there were 4 boys total living in the house and every one of them was privy to what had happened but it was just brushed under the rug. 🤷♀️
That’s difficult to say from an outside perspective. I at 16 was sleeping with and dating a 28 year old and I don’t regret it one bit. I actually asked her out and to this day I wonder what how she’s doing
Move on- mistakes happen
I have been through treatment. I have herd real ugly predators talk about the horrible things they have done to there victims. This is what the situation feels like. If I take my wallet out and hold it in front of me full of cash and run through a crowd to were I want to spend my money. Then someone snatches my wallet before I get there. You can say I made a stupid decisions in pulling it out before I got there. But that does not give anyone the right to take it because I made a stupid decisions. You may have made a dome decision but that older man took advantage of the fact that you would be fond of him being older and in to him you were victimized but you don’t have to be the victim. You cant change what already happened only try to make peace with it. And learn from it make your children male or female aware what happened how it was wrong on both sides why it’s bad for the age gap and what both parties should have chose to do. I don’t care what the law is or is not my opinion is that this is wrong because you are not both on equal footing in life you are not an adult for one with the rights of an adult. 2 your priorities are different for what you want out of life. 3 your still nieve and have no concept of a full adult life and responsibilities. Proof with the decision to ghost the younger brother who you had originally had the crush for. How quickly you changed your feelings and thoughts shows the immature nature. While yes he probably does have a thing for younger girls. And I think you should not beat your self into feeling traumatized over the situation if you aren’t already. Stay in the her and now of how you feel about it. Im sorry you went through that and hope you can find peace after going through this thread. Best wishes.
Definitely took advantage of your young age .
In Chinese I Ching culture, this is called peach blossom. There are many categories of peach blossom. Your situation is peach blossom disaster.
I had a similar situation and I thought I was so grown and womanly. I do realize now that the man took advantage of the fact that I thought I was so mature. He was the adult and it was up to him and his moral code to keep anything inappropriate from happening.
When I think about it now I shake my head and think what a f** creep. He knew better, I didn’t. I feel no guilt or responsibility for him taking advantage of me.