I was threatened by a stranger when I was 13 and still don’t understand why
Lately I (16F) have not felt the best and I have wondered for a while why. It dawned upon me that it might be from something I experienced when I was 13 and I’m thinking about it a lot right now.
There’s a lot of things about this experience I don’t remember, but I’ll try my best to explain.
It was in the summer break, and I had taken it upon me to bike some more around to see the landscape around the city. I’ve never enjoyed biking at all, but for whatever reason, it was what I wanted.
This one day in the middle of July, I decided to go on one of my usual bike rides, and I remember the sun shining and the beautiful sky.
When I came to a long road close to my house, there was pretty much no one except a few cars. Suddenly, two of the cars bumped into each other, two men get out of the cars and begin discussing. For whatever reason, they part ways, but this middle-aged man was still angry, and he then saw me on my bike.
I don’t remember doing anything besides looking at him, so that might be the reason?
He ran towards me and yanked me off my bicycle. He then asked me what my problem was, and I replied, “nothing. Please let me go.” He started trying to hit me (maybe he did?) and told me to listen to him or he would kill me. Again, I have no idea why he was targeting me, and if I did something to make him angry.
I don’t know what I said or did, but he suddenly said, “You’re coming with me,” and went to open his trunk, that has what looked like some kind of weapon (gun) in.
That’s where my survival instincts kicked in, and I quickly got on my bike and speeded home.
When I got into my house and saw my parents, I began to shake and cry uncontrollably, and my mom has afterward told me that I was sweating like hell. I kept saying that we had to leave or he would come after me and kill me. My parents called the police, which I didn’t want because I thought he would kill me for calling the police.
The police came and talked to my parents. To make the rest short, it ended in court, and he was found guilty of all the charges and was given a jail sentence.
I got advised to seek a crisis child psychologist, which I did, but she made me feel worse about the whole thing.
I never got told why I was targeted and what I did wrong. That sucks because I feel like I did something to piss him off. I would love some advice on how to navigate my feelings or even what I can do to know why. I have also been told that I am overreacting, but I’m trying my best.
Comments
I wouldn’t bother trying to rationalize ‘why’, I’d feel more productive/willful knowing that I was able to avoid more physical confrontation and move on with my life.
I’m 51 years old, would you like to hear more about all the stories that occurred in my life, even if they were more profound than your own? prbly not, right?
Draw this analogy…
You did nothing wrong, that guy shouldn’t have threatened a literal child who was just watching a car crash happen. That man has some serious problems for having a weapon in a trunk and abusing you. I’m sorry that you went through this, I hope you know that you didn’t do anything. There’s just a world full of angry assholes who think they can get away with anything. I really hope your doing okay. Again sorry that this happened.
He did it because he wanted to kidnap you. He is a predator. 13 is a age a lot of bad men like. You didn’t nothing but be there.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just an easy target in the wrong place at the wrong time. I highly recommend you find a different therapist who is a better fit for you.
The greatest advice I’ve ever heard was that only crazy understands crazy. It could’ve been anything that made him target you. Anything. The more you agonize on it or blame yourself, the worse off you’ll be, and you might even find yourself going crazy too.
While that answer isn’t satisfying, sometimes it’s the unfortunate truth. Don’t spend your life trying to understand a person who could’ve very easily been on drugs.
He absolutely assaulted you, and made a credible threat against your life, and attempted to kidnap you, so it is very very understandable that you would be traumatized. I’m really sorry your psychologist made you feel worse about the whole thing! That must have really hurt.
As to what you did wrong? Nothing. You were in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and that man was a dangerous person. He was angry and wanted to scare or hurt someone, and since you were a child and probably smaller than him he decided you were an easier target than the man he was actually mad at. Even if you hadn’t looked at him, you just being there for him to take his anger out on would more than likely have been enough. He is a despicable person, is in jail where he belongs, and your quick reflexes may have even saved your life, and the lives of others. If you hadn’t gotten away and told your parents what had happened, if they hadn’t reported him, who knows what he would have done to you and others!
Consider that for a moment- your strength of character and quick reflexes saved you and probably other innocent kids. People like that don’t stop until someone stops them, and your actions stopped him from harming someone again. It’s normal and okay to be traumatized by what happened, but you should feel good about yourself that you did something so remarkable, and probably saved future victims from experiencing that from him or probably far worse.
I would recommend trying therapy again. What happened to you is so scary and traumatizing, and at such a young age, and it’s best for you to work through that. Tell your parents that this is something that you still think about a lot, and that you think it’s important you get therapy. They can and should help you find a therapist. Some people feel empowered by self-defense classes or another kind of martial arts too if that sounds helpful to you at all. A support group might also be of help! They have online ones now so you might be able to find one more specific to what happened to you.
I wish you the best OP, and I’m so sorry this happened to you. Therapy with the right therapist can and will help you work through what happened.
Awful people do awful things. There is no reason why that you can understand because you’re not an awful person like them. I tried for years to understand why I was attacked as well and finally realized that it was probably a good thing it made no sense to me, because it meant my mind wasn’t twisted and warped in that way.
Holy hell. I’m so sorry that happened to you! That was NOT your fault, that man had serious issues.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just a convenient target. He would have done it to any other child or woman that was standing there.
In animal psychology it’s called redirected aggression. When a mentally unhealthy dog feels threatened or tense by a stimulus that they can’t reach, or that is too powerful for them, they will sometimes redirect their aggression onto something closer or weaker. It’s caused by an adrenaline response that they don’t have the mental toolbox to deal with in a healthy normal way. For example, a mentally unhealthy dog feels scared by a garbage truck, it has an adrenaline response but can’t attack the truck or run away, it doesn’t know how to diffuse the adrenaline by barking, so instead it will attack a smaller dog standing next to it, a stranger, or even its owner.
Humans are just animals, and humans will do the same thing, except we call it “taking it out on” someone or something else. This man was an unhinged individual, probably with a history of assault or domestic violence, who felt humiliated and angry by the car crash and probably had some adrenaline. But instead of taking deep breaths and screaming in his car with the doors shut like a normal person would do, he saw you and decided to bully and assault you, a defenseless child.
No other reason. It was nothing you did. Some people are just subhuman and cannot control the animal part of their brain. Now you know, which means that you can stop questioning it and second guessing yourself.
What it sounds like to me is that he is an unstable person who was already angry and riled up from the car accident. He then decided to channel his rage into the closest person around, which happened to be you. It could have been because he made up a story in his head about you judging him, or thought you’d call the cops about the crash, or even was literally hallucinating. No matter what, it wasn’t your fault.
A strange man assaulted you, threatened you with a gun, and tried to kidnap you. He was a probably a predator. You did absolutely nothing wrong. I’m glad you got away safely.
He was trying to abduct you, but you had amazing instincts and got TF away! Proud of you.
Not over reacting, you were almost abducted. Thank god you escaped. Good job!
Oh honey, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I remember I was the victim of someone’s road rage a couple of years ago. I think I was 31 or 32. I wondered the same thing. What did I do wrong? But I think it was easier for me to reconcile that I hadn’t done anything wrong because, well, I am an adult. You’re only 16. Being a teen is tough already. This moment for you was incredibly traumatizing, and you’re trying to seek a reason for why it had to happen, which I think is pretty normal. But people can be absolutely awful, and sometimes they’ll take out their own problems on someone who is vulnerable, which you were. You didn’t do anything. You were a child (technically still are, but are quickly inching up to young adult). That person was an adult, and they never should have targeted you to take out their frustrations. It was wrong and cruel. You were entirely innocent.
I don’t think it had anything to do with the car accident or him being still angry. The other man had left and he looked up and saw a 13 year old alone. He may have long fantasized about raping or killing a young girl. He tried to take you to a second more secluded location, and thank heavens you got away.
You were punished and threatened by an adult when you were a child. Normally, punishment only happens when you do something wrong. This may be why you are wondering so hard what you did wrong. You did nothing wrong.
The truth is that even the lunatic who did this to you probably can’t say why, exactly, he did what he did.
The reason this is so difficult to let go may be because you’re responding to trauma.
That might sound like a very dramatic word. “Trauma” is the word we use for child soldiers and r~pe victims and survivors of genocide. Can we really categorize you with those people? Yes, yes we can. A person can drown in a bathtub and they can drown in the Pacific Ocean and in both cases, we call it drowning because the same thing is happening.
Right now, you’re overwhelmed by the irrational pain that this experience has caused. The only cure is love. You need to feel what it’s like to give love and receive love. I don’t mean in a boyfriend/girlfriend way, either. I mean like braiding your best friend’s hair or hugging a dog or calling your mom. You need to take care of people. I know this will be difficult and may even sound impossible. How can you help people if you yourself are so broken?
But it can happen and it is possible. You may not be cured… but you’ll find a way to survive and function. You can do this.
what a strange incident. this was in no way your fault. there was something seriously wrong with that guy.
Some people are mental. No further explanation, just have to hope you don’t run into them.
When I was a little kid in single digits I was waiting outside the local pool to be picked up and some psycho was aggressively walking back and forth close by talking to himself like he was trying not to do something violent to me. Probably a schizo. Have never forgot that, the weird c*** was terrifying. Thankfully my dad turned up in time and I left as if nothing happened.
Make an appointment with a councillor and they can talk with you about coping mechanisms for dealing with traumatic experiences.
To ask what you did wrong implies that his behavior was correct. Nothing you did warranted anything he did.
Also, the lack of a clear memory regarding something that happened only three years sounds very much like a trauma response. If you haven’t already seen a therapist to find out what happened, please do.
Get over it
Therapists have mental problems too. Everyone has something they have some kind of issue over. Consider finding a different therapist, you’re allowed to go to as many as you want until you find one that fits. As far as the guy, people who think like him, and I’ve known a few, what you need to take from not understanding him at all is that you are nothing like him. That’s a very good thing. I’ve had people like that explain their take on what happened from their side and it’s sheer nonsense. You’d be better off trying to make a novel of characters the cat slept on on your keyboard.
I tell people don’t get over it, but do move through it. In the end, don’t give up trying to regain your peace. You will never be the same, but also every day we learn new things and meet new people and that also changes us as we grow and learn and we will never be the same after that either. You now know there are people who make no sense whatsoever, and that avoiding them is not just acceptable, it’s better for your well being. Move forward every day, learn new things every day, fill your life with goodness, and take care of you.