Lately I (16F) have not felt the best and I have wondered for a while why. It dawned upon me that it might be from something I experienced when I was 13 and I’m thinking about it a lot right now.
There’s a lot of things about this experience I don’t remember, but I’ll try my best to explain.
It was in the summer break, and I had taken it upon me to bike some more around to see the landscape around the city. I’ve never enjoyed biking at all, but for whatever reason, it was what I wanted.
This one day in the middle of July, I decided to go on one of my usual bike rides, and I remember the sun shining and the beautiful sky.
When I came to a long road close to my house, there was pretty much no one except a few cars. Suddenly, two of the cars bumped into each other, two men get out of the cars and begin discussing. For whatever reason, they part ways, but this middle-aged man was still angry, and he then saw me on my bike.
I don’t remember doing anything besides looking at him, so that might be the reason?
He ran towards me and yanked me off my bicycle. He then asked me what my problem was, and I replied, “nothing. Please let me go.” He started trying to hit me (maybe he did?) and told me to listen to him or he would kill me. Again, I have no idea why he was targeting me, and if I did something to make him angry.
I don’t know what I said or did, but he suddenly said, “You’re coming with me,” and went to open his trunk, that has what looked like some kind of weapon in.
That’s where my survival instincts kicked in, and I quickly got on my bike and speeded home.
When I got into my house and saw my parents, I began to shake and cry uncontrollably, and my mom has afterward told me that I was sweating like hell. I kept saying that we had to leave or he would come after me and kill me. My parents called the police, which I didn’t want because I thought he would kill me for calling the police.
The police came and talked to my parents. To make the rest short, it ended in court, and he was found guilty of all the charges and was given a jail sentence.
I got advised to seek a crisis child psychologist, which I did, but she made me feel worse about the whole thing.
I never got told why I was targeted and what I did wrong. That sucks because I feel like I did something to piss him off. I would love some advice on how to navigate my feelings or even what I can do to know why.
Comments
read up on radical acceptance. if you keep looking for reason in someone elses unreasonable actions, you’ll never heal and move on.
You should look for a different therapist, if the one who you dealt with did not provide good care.
I can tell you one thing for free, you need to stop looking for a valid reason for the attack, there wasn’t one. The man who attacked you was most likely in a fit of road rage and adrenaline spike from the accident, and is likely a person with anger and violence issues in general.
He simply targeted you because you happened to be there, for no other reason at all. Uncontrollable rage can quite literally make people act in irrational and dangerous ways, and from your story it is very clear to me he was completely off-kilter.
While this might not be enough to “fix your anxiety”, it’s important that you stop looking for some justification of his actions, they were simply in a mad rage and you were a chance victim. you could have done nothing to prevent it, and nothing to de-escalate. Running away was the right, and only, choice.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. I don’t think you were targeted because there’s anything wrong with you. You’re not weak. He just did so because you were there. You will get through this. Screw that guy I’m glad he was charged for that unacceptable criminal behaviour.
That sounds traumatic, I’m sorry.
I want to echo the other commenter and suggest that you try another therapist.
You are completely void of ANY responsibility in this situation, literally the definition of an innocent bystander. You were a victim of his irrational thinking at the time, and you were the unfortunate target that he let his anger out on. Maybe he “perceived” you as some kind threat because you witnessed the accident? Maybe he was drunk or something else that contributed to the crash, which is part of why he acted irrational. I am sorry for what you have experienced, and I think it would still benefit you to speak to a professional about what happened and to process it. One place to start would be writing in a journal. You might find it cathartic to write your feelings down or even write pseudo “letters” to the man that hurt you. There are many, many options when it comes to the type of therapist you can talk to. Online “therapy aps” offer filters to be very specific about the type of therapist you might feel comfortable talking to. For example, maybe you feel comfortable speaking to a “younger male therapist that is from your religious background”, etc etc. You can even discuss the negative experience with the prior therapist, and how/why they made you feel worse at the time. Speak to your parents and don’t keep your concerns to yourself. If you can’t, confide in another adult that you trust (maybe at school?) that can steer you in the right direction. Besides the journal writing, maybe there is another type of “confidence building” type activity that you can engage in to feel more comfortable in your surroundings like a Karate class or something similar that exerts physical energy? Sending you strength and blessings!!
When I was about 15 an old man tried to choke me out at a bus stop after lying about me insulting some mother with her child at the bus stop. There are a lot of fucking weirdos out there and they love attacking teenagers. Rest assured if any adult knew that their adult friend had yanked a 13 year old girl off a bike and then started threatening her they would want to force-feed him his own testicles. Obviously they keep this behaviour quiet until they think they can get away with it.
You did nothing wrong, that man was just a weirdo. When thinking of his motivations, think about bullying, power, intimidating, making someone else feel small to make him feel better about himself, that kinda thing. Any 13-year-old girl cycling past would’ve probably been enough for him.
You likely have been targeted because the man was frustrated and sought an easy target to direct his frustration and anger at. Maybe he had been put in his place by the other adults regarding the accident.
You were a young weak defenseless child, he thought wouldn’t fight back.
Your only fault: you were at the wrong place at the wrong time.
But justice system worked, and he got what he deserved.
He was angry because you witnessed an accident that may have been that guy’s fault, he may have felt threatened because you were still standing there watching or may have just wanted to take his anger out on someone who couldn’t fight back like the other guy.
This wasn’t your fault. See another therapist. A therapist shouldn’t make you feel bad about an incident in which you were the victim of an unprovoked attack.
You didn’t do anything wrong, you had a random terrible event happen to you. There was no reason you were targeted, it literally sounds like you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, not your fault in any way. You’re internalizing blame about this when you shouldn’t be, and it sounds like you need a new therapist. Find a therapist to explain this to who will listen and help you feel better about this.
Unfortunately, we don’t get over such violence ever. When I was 14 (m), the father of a 5-year-old kid who hit my sister over the head several times with a glass bottle beat me up at the corner food store because I had spanked his son to get him to stop hitting my sister with the bottle. The kid’s grandmother lived upstairs from us. She observed his violent actions and didn’t seem to care that her grandson was so violent. The beating I took resulted in bubbles on my face when his greasy work uniform infected the acne on my face when he crushed my head, and the stress of the beating made it only worse. I eventually had to have surgery several years later to solve the problem. But I never got over it emotionally. The bubbles on my face became targets of school bullies who would beat me up in an attempt to burst the bubbles. In one incident, two bullies were beating me up on school grounds with a crowd of students urging them on, and soon after I was called down to the counselor’s office and accused of fighting.
Kids are so soft nowadays. I can’t even count how many of these types of incidents I had as a child. Mind you I was a bad little fucker, but still never cried about this type of thing let alone held onto it for years. And if he ever planned on killing you he would have did it while he had ahold of you on a long deserted road.
You absolutely didn’t do anything to deserve that! Please seek a better therapist. Therapy can be incredibly helpful, but unfortunately some therapists do not do their jobs correctly. God bless you, dear.✝️❤️
He was targeting you, and was disturbed by the other driver, it wasn’t your fault, he probably wanted to hit you on purpose and take you to his car.
You were incredibly lucky and I’m glad he was convicted, such a dangerous individual will probably try to do the same again to some other girl.
After watching hundreds of true crime shows, they often show how close horrific events can happen, we live in a cruel world.
You didn’t do anything wrong, he was just an ahole, a pos ahole angry trash human who threaten a 13 yo girl because he saw her as an easy target. It wasn’t your fault, and even the judge found him guilty of all charges.
Would you feel safer if you had a pepper spray?
And as everyone I would advise you to talk to someone, a therapist or someone older that you trust, you need to hear that you were a victim and it wasn’t in any way your fault.
You didn’t do anything wrong. And trying to understand the motivations of a man who seemed mentally unwell, at least in that moment, but probably in general, isn’t helpful to you either.
It sounds like you’re dealing with some PTSD from the event, and that’s totally reasonable. I’m sorry you had a bad experience with your first psychologist or therapist, but perhaps look around your town and ask your mom to look around your town for one that is trained specifically in complex trauma, and the treatment options for that. I think it would be very helpful if you talk to a professional, but you have to find the right someone first.
But just know that you didn’t cause it. There was nothing that you did to earn what happened that day and there’s nothing you could’ve done differently. We can only control our behavior and you couldn’t have controlled his. It was his choice to act as he did and he made it independent of you.
You’re safe from that piece of trash, he can’t hurt you. You did nothing wrong. He sounds like a coward and he attacked you because he saw you as a weak target. Notice he didn’t try to do that with the man that was standing there. I hope you find someone to talk to and work through the trauma and find comfort and peace. It is something that’s very doable and I am fully confident that you’ll get past it.
He was just angry and you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Not your fault but I think you’re taking it too hard. The world is unfortunately full of people like this but don’t let it get to you.
Why he threatened you?
Dude was nut job if you’re down to kill a child that’s obvious don’t sweat it op keep moving on with life he got what he deserved