Firstly, sorry if this doesn’t read normally, im not a casual redditor and im not very familiar with posting.
There isn’t much to say, but I (16m) have been in the ICU for 5 hours now, waiting for the rest of my family to come to my state to say their goodbyes. Yesterday the doctors told us that he most likely had 3 weeks left, but there was about a 40% chance that he would be fine. This morning we had to put him on life support against his wishes in order for the family to say goodbye. The doctors do not believe he will make it to tomorrow.
I just dont know what to say, or even what to ask for. He is a husk of the man i’ve always known him to be, and I partly cannot believe that whoever is in that hospital bed is my father.
If youre wondering, the doctors think his cancer has come back, and its spread to multiple organs. We just do not know anything, but everything is failing. Please if you want to do anything, just text your family that you love them. I’m afraid i’ve had my last words with him.
Edit update) He is still with us, and we had pupil response. All but one has arrived for their goodbyes. His numbers have not gotten worse over the last hour, and the doctors are baffled. I have not lost hope, and if he wakes up im killing him. His numbers are horrible, and like 2 organs haven’t shut down. But, even if the (silly, foolish) doctors don’t believe he’ll wake up, I have some level of hope. I am reading every comment, and it does mean so much. I am responding whenever I can see through tears. We know next to nothing right now. Oh and a side note, people are bringing food to us and helping us out. We are not alone.
Last update) He has passed away 30 minutes ago. It is 3:30 here in PA when I write this, I cannot begin to describe how I feel. I did all you guys suggested, but I feel on fire and paralyzed at the same time he would respond physically. I can’t finish this tonight. Thank you all, please tell your familys you fucking love them.
Comments
Thinking of you across the internet. X
All my love and support to you and yours. Losing a parent is like no other pain in the world. Please take your pain seriously, and find help when you need it. I’m here if you need a friend. 🫂
My grandfather went put a similar one being a husk of who they were once were. Cancer is beyind cruel. Just be there with him. You don’t need to say anything. Our hospice nurse said they know you are there, and that can be enough.
Do everything in your time and your way. Just remember to breathe, and when ready for it, go to grief counselling. It’s so important to look after yourself at this time. He is so proud of you and will be proud of the man you will become
Sending you lots of love op
I am so, so sorry you’re going through this at such a young age. I’m thinking about you and your family. Stay strong, my friend, but don’t criticise yourself if you can’t. You’re navigating uncharted waters, there is no route map for this.
I’m so sorry man! I know it’s painful but you’ll get through this. And the strength that you gain in making through this will make you a much stronger person for the rest of your life.
My dad spent around eight months being eaten alive by cancer, and I still wasn’t prepared for him to die. Maybe fast is better, I really don’t know. Hugs and as much comfort as an internet stranger can send.
I can’t read this and not reply. I am sorry you are going through this. Love and prayers from an internet friend in Michigan.
You have definitely NOT had your last words with him – his legacy will live on in you and you will find yourself talking with him on some level for the rest of your own natural life. Remind him of that before he goes – to listen for you in the clouds. He’ll be watching and waiting.
Talk to him hearing is the last sense to go.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. Even though he’s intubated and on sedation now, you can still talk to him. We never truly know what someone on sedation can hear; some patients say they remember everything from being on the vent and sedated. I’ve never had a patient tell me that but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t or can’t happen. Talk to him, tell him what you’re feeling, hold his hand, play music for him, turn on a movie or show he might like (if you can find something on the hospital cable). He may not be able to talk back to you but you can still talk to him. I don’t know how close you are to your dad but losing a parent is never easy. My grandmother passed when I was in high school (she was more a mother to me than my mom was), my mom passed a couple months after I graduated high school, and my dad passed a couple years after that (hadn’t seen or talked to him in years; my parents divorced when I was in elementary school).
I’m a nurse. Even if he’s “out of it”, he can hear you. And even if he was actively passing right now, hearing is the last thing to go. Please do talk to him and don’t feel silly doing so (I only say that because some people say they feel silly). I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Baby, I know this is unbelievably hard, but please go talk to your dad. He can still hear you. Just because he’s leaving this world doesn’t mean he’s truly gone. As long as you carry him in your heart and hold onto those memories, he’ll always be with you, no matter where you are. You have a piece of him inside you, and that will never fade. He loves you, always has, always will. Take your time, speak from your heart, and know he’ll hear it.
Sorry for your ongoing loss. Hearing is the last sense to go, you can still tell him anything you need him to know.
oh honey. i’m so sorry. there’s no amounts of words that can be said to make you feel better. just know you have all of reddit here for you.
if you need anyone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out. i may not know you, but everyone needs somebody. 🩷
Talk to him and ask him anything you want to know the answer to. Tell him what he means to you. I know it’s going to be tough. Find time to take a moment to breath for yourself.
I am not a spiritual guy, but I feel him slipping, he’s just holding on for the rest of his children. He is a big guy, I think 6 foot something and he weighed like 250, seeing him a shell of what he is and seeing his numbers, Im at a loss for words. Thank you all for comments, I don’t know what comes next.
He can still hear you. Tell him what you need him to hear. I went through this in October. I told my dad how much I loved him and would miss him. And that it was okay to let go because I knew he would be watching over me. Big hugs to you.
If he’s conscious… or not. Tell him everything, stories, griefs, and how you’ll miss him … and that you know he’ll be okay. Let it all out, you’ll regret it if you don’t.
So sorry to read this, especially at your young age. Sending you prayers.
I lost my dad in my teens and I’m in my 40s now. Things will feel unreal for a bit, and then as it slowly sinks in it will feel harder. Your grief will always be there, but your life will grow around it. I got to a point where I could start thinking about him and smiling at our memories instead of feeling only pain. You’ll get through this, I promise.
Cancer is a bitch and life can be cruel but find something that gets you through it and don’t give up. You’ll surprise yourself with your own strength. Sending you so many hugs and so much love.
Sending you and your family much love. I’m sitting by my own dad’s hospice bed tonight too — also terminal cancer. It is a very hard thing to lose a parent.
My grandfather passed away last year and he was in a medically induced coma to prevent seizures on his last few weeks on this earth. The day of his death I visited him when he was hooked up to machines and it took my breath away and I had a hard time composing myself. I didn’t know what to say but my GF told me to talk to him. He couldn’t respond but my GF told me he could hear me. I told him how everything was going and I told him some things to get off my chest with things in the past I did that may have upsetting him when i was a kid. I apologized to him for that, after an hour of me talking to him I left and got sushi with my GF. I got a call that he started to rapidly decline. We raced back to the hospital and he passed away shortly after my arrival. I feel like he heard me…like he wanted to hear me before he left and I got to talk to him one last time before he left. And to this day I am forever thankful I got to speak to him…even though he couldnt talk back to me. I would have so much regret if I didnt see him or talk to him that night before he passed. I would give anything just to talk to him again…even if he could only listen.
Just lost my dad recently, I know what’s it’s like not knowing if they’re going to wake up.
Best thing I can tell you is done together with family, having people who support you and can help during a difficult time helped a ton.
My heart goes out to you
Sending you a big hug. I’m so sorry.
I am so, so sorry. Internet hugs to you and your dad.
My dad went into hospital almost 2 years ago now. I was there every day with him for the whole month until father’s day. He asked me to go, he didn’t want me or my sister to remember him as he passed, but we had all the days before that. He knew. Even when he got bad, more out of it than in, he knew we were there. Holding his hand, sitting with him. My step-mum was there for the last 26 hours, but he knew we loved him and that was all that mattered.
Your dad will know you are there, he will hear what you say. He will know that you love him.
He’s your dad. He will always be your dad. You will always be his baby, even when you’re grown. You will carry him with you always. He will be in every step you take, because he raised you and taught you. You might have to say goodbye to him, but he will always be with you.
Can I just say cancer is a ….. I lost my mom at 18, 14 years ago. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I sat beside my mother as she died, at 18 I found her and had to make those phone calls. I’m sorry and I hope you aren’t alone
If he can tolerate it, give him hand massages or foot massages with Aveeno oil. Even though he may seem absent keep talking to him, talking about memories of places and people and events of old. Trust that he can still hear you and still feel being held by you. Visiting him will be difficult so do something life-bearing afterwards for yourself to treat your own distress. I am very sorry you’re going through this and I wish you both a peaceful outcome.
Tell him you love him. Tell him he’s been the best father you could have ever wanted. Tell him you’ll do you best to make him proud. (if applicable, of course)
That’s about what I told my Dad at the end, when he was dying. I had just under 40 years with him, and it wasn’t enough.
Talk to your Dad about the favorite memories you made together. Sing his favorite song. Let him know you’re scared and thus is a lot but that you love him and it’s ok to go. I lost my sister and it was traumatic but being my her bedside as she lingered and drew her last breath was one of the most powerful experiences in my life. It’s a privilege to be with someone as they transition from this earth into the next whatever is to come. Let him know siblings are on their way. Know that he might pass away when you are off to the bathroom or to grab a bite to eat – it’s often by choice they prefer to go alone.
You are way too young to be doing this solo. I’m with you across the miles whever you are. Your Dad must be incredibly proud of you for taking on such a tough role. Hang in there. His loss will be hard but his sickness is harder.
Peace.
I lost my dad to fucking cancer. Please, please, talk to him as he rests. I know from countless anecdotes, some personal, that people can still hear us. Even at his weakest, my dad worried for our wellbeing. I always assured him that we were all doing well and how bright the future looked ahead of us.
It’s ok to feel broken, weak, helpless, to cry, scream, weep, so angry that you want the world to burn. But I know something in me told me to put the best version of myself in front of him. I’d encourage you to do the same, if possible. DM me if you need an ear.
Check with the nurses or other staff available, there may be a chaplain on staff or on call who can come and sit with you and spend some time. You do not have to be religious, chaplains are trained to help all manner of people in ways that help them. There may also be a hospice chaplain or staff available. You may also want to find a grief support group moving forward. The hospital can usually give you info about those as well.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this so much alone, at your age. It’s not easy for anyone, regardless of age. If you’re having trouble thinking about what to say to your dad now, tell him you love him, that it’s ok for him to go. Some people find it helpful to reminisce, remind dad and yourself of the good times you’ve had together.
You and your family are in my prayers. 🙏🙏🙏
Sorry you’re going through this I was in my 40’s going through chemo myself at the time. So I’d been staying away from the hospital. It’s been 8 years. Worst night of my life. I held my mum’s hand thanked her for being the best ever told her I loved her. My brother took a photo of their joined hands I wished I had. Lean on your family and friends. Thinking of you from the uk.