I entered college with hope. But I didn’t study from the beginning — I was glued to my phone most of the time. Out of loneliness, I quickly got into a relationship. I thought it would help, but he cheated on me. And because I was so absorbed in that relationship, I never made real friends.
I used to express myself through fashion, but that backfired. I got bullied online on Instagram by my college peers. After that, people started avoiding me. I became that “weird” girl. Isolated. Alone.
I stopped going to classes. I’d just cram one day before exams and somehow pass. My family begged me to delete Instagram, but I didn’t listen. Maybe if I had, the bullying wouldn’t have happened. Maybe people wouldn’t have turned away. But I didn’t. And I regret it now.
Since second year, I’ve been completely alone. Staying in my room. Scrolling Instagram. Sleeping. Not studying. I didn’t even prepare for placements. The worst part? I didn’t even realise what I was doing to myself. I was just numb. Now, when it’s almost over, I finally realise I’ve wasted the years that were supposed to be the best of my life.
Now, my health is falling apart too. I’ve developed cervical issues — I can’t even sit properly anymore. Studying has become physically painful. But in the middle of all this mess, I still want to show up for myself. I still want to try. I just don’t know how.
And honestly… there’s still so much more I want to say. So much I’ve kept in for years. But maybe this is a start.
If you read this — thank you for listening.
Comments
I think you need to be less harsh on yourself, a lot of people don’t do well in college, whether it’s bullying, mental health problems or just their exams or all three.
I hope you are going to the doctors for your physical health issues to help sort that out as well.
But since your only in your second year, you’re what? 17? You may think you shouldn’t be waisting time but you have PLENTY of time to get yourself in order, even if you don’t do well in college, college isn’t the end all that they make it seem like.
I’m 29, I ended up going on a completely different path from my university degree, in fact I’m a bit annoyed at myself for doing a degree three years of my life that I ended up not using.
I think everyone needs to stop telling people that college is the only way you can go forward.
My advice would be not to rush things and slowly get yourself back together, maybe find something else you enjoy and not just instagram, and slowly start to limit your time on instagram with other hobbies.
I’m currently writing a blog, trying to learn Spanish and volunteering, of course you don’t need to follow this but finding other hobbies other than Instagram that can distract you from Instagram will probably help you.