This guy, let’s call him Carter (25m) has recently shown interest in me (31f). We grew up in the same church but I remember helping in the toddler room while he was 3 & I was 9. Is that weird? I honestly didn’t think much of it until my sister noticed his name pop up on my phone. She said it is weird because we watched him grow up. From my point of view, I never thought about where he was cute or not until recently when he reached out & we are only 6 years apart it’s not completely terrible. If I’m being delusional though & this is completely gross someone please tell me so I can get a therapist!
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Backup of the post’s body: This guy, let’s call him Carter (25m) has recently shown interest in me (31f). We grew up in the same church but I remember helping in the toddler room while he was 3 & I was 9. Is that weird? I honestly didn’t think much of it until my sister noticed his name pop up on my phone. She said it is weird because we watched him grow up. From my point of view, I never thought about where he was cute or not until recently when he reached out & we are only 6 years apart it’s not completely terrible. If I’m being delusional though & this is completely gross someone please tell me so I can get a therapist!
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The man he is now is not the child he used to be.
And as youve recently reconnected, well..
Not gross. Go for it.
you’re both adults
Stop caring so much about what others might think. Does he think it’s gross? If you both like each other, just go with it.
I mean you say you remember helping in the toddler room… did you have any prolonged interaction with him later on in his teen years? If not, there’s no issue.
Would only be an issue if you’d been talking often say during his teen years when you were an adult which would be considered grooming. If you’ve only recconnected after 20 years of not seeing each other, absolutely no issue.
Good luck!
If he was 18 and you were 24, I’d feel a bit differently, but both of you are well into your young adulthood, so no, I do not think it would be weird.
Go for it bro
35 year olds date 22 year olds. It’s not weird lol
You said you reconnected after you were already adults. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t let it ruin a potential good thing.
Men date younger women all the time without batting an eye. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m with everyone else.. It’s not worse than dating someone you knew in school. And having watched him grow up I don’t really see as an issue, since he would have also watched you grow up? Maybe sister still thinks of him as that kid from back then, but that’s her issue, not yours
My childhood best friend just married my little brother and I could not be more over the moon happy for them. Similar age difference.
That’s what happened with Padme and Anakin.. she was like 14 and she was 9 or something when they met— but went years without speaking or seeing eachother. Same thing, around 5-6 years age difference. If it ever went beyond just a hangout or a date- and you guys actually starting a real relationship- I myself probably wouldn’t mention seeing him in the nursery when he was 3 though. You would get teased for it by that one aunt or that one friend, and it would be a constant cradle robber joke or something..
In my opinion it’s definitely weird
Soooo, if i’d run in to someone i know from elementary school, and fall in love with them, i can’t date them because i’ve known them since they were kids?
This reminds me of the story on reddit some time ago about a woman being accused of being a pedophile because she fell in love with the grandson of a neighbouring granny. She is supposed to be a pedofile because she saw baby pictures of him at said granny. And fell in love with the adult later.
She was 29, he was 30.
Americans have some really skewed up views on life.
I met my husband when he was 25 and I was 32. We are 31 and 38 now. It’s not like you were grooming him back then. And you were a child too.
She’s gross for making it gross. He’s a man now and that age gap isn’t huge anyway.
Not gross or a big deal
Totally not gross. Now if the aged difference was 15 or so years, I’d think maybe?
Go for it, why not. There is an age gap so I’m sure you’ll soon find out if you’re compatible or not soon enough. You could be in completely different places in your life, but you’ll never find out if you don’t give it a go.
It’s not weird. Your sister might feel weird but you don’t have to. How old is your sister? If she’s older that might explain it.
Yes and no. This can be complicated situation. People who know you and him can and will make it gross. But if you never thought about him in any regard before he showed interest, then there really isn’t an issue. So you helped in the toddler room at church at the age of 9, big deal. Have you really had that much interaction with him since then? Probably not. It’s just other people pushing their perceived views on it and it makes them more gross than you. What if this was a 25 year old who had just moved to the city and you’d never met before? Would there be an issue? Of course not. The issue is simply other people knowing your age, his age, and having memories of infrequent interactions the two of you possibly had.
Me and my s/o are 6 years apart and it’s not weird, granted we didn’t grow up together. He loves making the joke “I knew when I was in high school my future wife was having trouble with her S’s” lol. Idk, if you don’t have a problem with it who cares
It’s 6 years difference. NTA. You didn’t know him growing up as a kid when you were a teen or adult. That would be different imo
Nah you’re good. I met my wife this way. Take it slow. It’s fun to compare culture notes.
I was playing basketball with her when Janet Jackson had her clothing malfunction. She’s …7 and I’m …11?
People used to live in the same villages their entire lives, you think this has never happened before?! You’re well into adulthood it’s fine 😂
Lol
Honestly not really. I hooked up with this one lady a few years older than me at one of my first bartending gigs. Both of us new we’ve recognized each other from somewhere but neither of us could place it she came in for a couple weeks eventually went and had some fun. And it hits me, She was the student teacher for my 8th grade social studies class
She was mortified, I was doing victory laps. But in reality it was only like a 6yr difference being in my 40’s now 6yrs is negligible. He’s probably going to be all about it
It’s not gross, go for it!
Unless you’ve been his carer throughout childhood and have continually held some position of power over him then what exactly is the issue?
So you helped him when he was a toddler, so? You haven’t been grooming him, you aren’t particularly far apart in age, he isn’t a fresh 18 year old with no life experience with you plucking him off the tree like freshly ripened fruit.
It’s fine, only on Reddit would people have an issue with this, if you like him then crack on.
My husband is 14 years younger than me. It doesn’t matter. We didn’t know each other growing up but your age difference is a lot smaller so it’s fine.
I mean you were both kids but if you were an adult yeah and you watch some kid grow up than he falls that is weird like I’m not single but if I was single and no matter how lonely I am I’ll never because idk it’s my boundaries like I was raised to see people around my dad and mum age like someone who’s idk like my mum and dad ? A senior that’s why I could never date someone that age ever
Jesus fucking Christ I’m soooo done with this shit
The only terrible thing here is that a church thought it was acceptable to leave a 9 year old in charge of a 3 year old. You liking the guy is absolutely okay, not gross at all!
No? It’s not that deep. The internet has really twisted people into worrisome knots.
To elaborate you’re a grown woman attracted to the grown man that he is and vice versa. You’re not attracted to the baby he was.
One would think this is obvious lol.
My bf and I are 5 years apart and knew each other from childhood (when I was 11 and he was 16) because our mums worked together and they lived down the road from us. He showed absolutely NO interest in me as a teenager for obvious healthy reasons. Occasionally he would come round to walk our dog or house sit while we were on holiday but apart from that I barely saw him or interacted with him. In the end he moved out when he was old enough and it was years before I saw him again. Life went on; I dated guys my own age and he actually dated women a lot older than him. The next time we met each other again was at his mum’s wedding and we realised that we had a lot in common. I was 22 and he was 27. We’ve been together for 3 and a half years and it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in! If you know it’s not creepy, then it’s not creepy. Sometimes we have to be careful in explaining how we met, not because anything happened but because of weirdos who like to try and see shit where there’s none 🤷♀️ At the end of the day you’re both consenting adults and you know best.
I slept with someone I went to 4th grade with, like 5 years ago
It didn’t work out cuz he has a micro penis but like we definitely knew each other as kids
Also he still messages me at least twice a year, I never answer but here we are
Only dude I ever made leave mid doing the deed.. poor guy.
It’s not gross
You’re both adults now… age is just a number, as long as you’re both over 18 years old and making the decision using your own free will. It doesn’t happen all the time, but Seniors in High School sometimes date Freshman, and that’s usually a 4 year age difference…
That age gap is in my opinion perfectly fine. I mean yes you saw him as a toddler, yes you probably saw him go through puberty but that isn’t the same person he is now. There’s seriously nothing wrong with the two of you exploring opportunities
I met my husband when he was 10 and I was 15. He was just a little boy to me then. He was my best friend’s little brother. Years later we saw each other when he was on leave from the Army and we’ve been together since. He’s 45 and I’m 49 now. It’s really not weird. He’s my best friend now and we know each other better than anyone else.
Okay Padme.
Seriously though, yeah, it’s fine.
Not gross! You guys were both kids back then and you didn’t have any potentially romantic thoughts about him until now.
You are both adults. Some judgmental people will think it’s gross. Many will think it’s a little out of the ordinary, but not gross. What is your tolerance for other people’s opinions?
Age gaps aren’t inherently bad. It is when you use somebody’s lack of life experience against them or groom somebody into your perfect partner from a young age, that the distance in age is an issue. Being attracted to an of age person, genuinely falling for them and them you isn’t a bad thing. If you had known him and had a hand in raising him from a young age I would say it’s unethical. But you were also a kid yourself. So no ethical issues in my eyes.
Worked for Anakin and Padme’ didn’t it?
You’re lucky you’re a woman. If this were a 31 male interested in a 25 female, Reddit would lose its mind about power imbalances and screech about how he’s dating a literal child.
You watched them grow up is supposed to be for when you, as an adult or nearly an adult, watched a child grow up.
Not for when you’re both children.
Curious. Did you have an attraction to him pre finding out he was attracted to you?
No not weird – just cause you know him when he was younger doesn’t mean anything – he’s a full grown adult as are you nothing wrong at all x
Not weird imo. He’s not a child anymore and it’s not even that wide of an age gap.
He’s 25. You aren’t gross. Enjoy life.
I know someone who ended up dating our friend’s little brother, who I remember as a 12 year old for life, but he’s in his 30s now
youre 6 years apart. this is fine. it is not like your groomed this person to date them as soon as they turned 18. Have fun you’re both adults. good luck op!!!
If he’s matching your maturity level, sure. I sometimes get a lil ick when someone is 30 and they’re dating a 21 year old because it just seems like a huge difference in maturity for most, but 25 I think is an age where a lot of people have really matured into who they’re meant to be. As far as “watching him grow up,” no you didn’t. You grew up WITH him. They are different. If your sister is older, she may see it differently.
I dont think you ‘watched’ him grow up. You guys knew each other when he was a child and so were you, you reconnected now that you’re both adults. I dont think there’s anything wrong with it.
Girl you’re fine, you were a child too lmao
It’s not that big of a gap and 25 is well into adulthood. My wife is older than me and I always got a kick about thinking that when I was a highschool freshman she was a senior or just going to college haha.
This is as realistic of an age gap as possible, the internet is a wild place indeed
I think when you’re both adults it all comes down to how the two consenting adults feel. Not anyone outside of that. Especially when your age gap is so small. It’s 6 years not 16. If the genders were reversed would your sister blink an eye? You being a child and him being a younger child with no knowledge of how you’d reconnect as adults doesn’t mean anything other than what it was then. Kids who were in the same community. It’s not like you’re 21 and he’s 15. He’s now an adult just like yourself and if you want to explore what making that work out looks like then no it’s not gross.
That’s not much of a age gap at all. My mother was 7 years older than my father ( granted, didn’t know him as a child) and age was not an issue.
Sounds like you guys might be a good match! Just see where things go.
Padme and anakin vibes
No this isn’t gross at all. Now if you and his mother were friends than that’s a whole different story
This is a six year age difference, you are both old enough that this is nothing
Did you or did you not change his diaper? It all hinders on this one question.
Besides bucking the trend of dating older guys, and this 25 year old needing to understand and accept your rapidly declining fertility, it doesn’t seem weird.
Do you ever feel like young people these days are grasping at straws to find an excuse not to be with someone? Because that’s really what this feels like.
“Red flag Red flag! We went to church together when we were kids and I was older than him, but still a kid. Now I’m frightened that people will think I’m “weird” so I’m asking internet strangers to help because I might be mentally damaged and need a therapist”
Gtfo
This is Attack of the Clones
No it’s not gross. Y’all adults
People today find the weirdest excuses to shit on a potential relationship. Like I think it’s great that we’ve de-normalized 35 year old dating high schoolers but I can’t help but laugh when I see 19 year old zoomers be like “omg she’s 17 bro don’t be a pedo”
If you like then who cares what you were doing two decades ago?
Did you watch him grow up or did you just know him at a young age?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s possible for it to be weird. Like if you had any influence on him growing up (babysitter, etc) and had fairly consistent contact with him that was mainly a mentor type relationship over the course of your lives, it might be a little weird. OR if either of you admit that those feelings started at a young age it might be a little weird.
Ultimately, what people think doesn’t matter. If your relationship over the years could suggest grooming, then maybe you should think on that and admit that it’s a little weird. If not, who tf cares.
People used to grow up around each other in even more tight knit small towns than we see regularly now. It’s not weird.
If anything the fact that you’re concerned about it being weird is almost a sign it’s not. Typically those minded individuals would recognize the dissonance but would either not be bothered or would push on knowing they just gotta hide their desires.
Have a great time on your next date friend 🤍
Girl O thought you were bout to say gou were 50 and he was 19.
Go for it, 6 years is nothin. You watched each other grow up lol
It worked out fine for Anakin Skywalker and Padme.
Well, I met my husband when he was 12 and I was 15. He was a neighbor and friends with my brothers. I moved away at 18. Came back at 21 for a visit and he was there hanging out with my brothers. I was like daaaaaang he grew up niiiiice! Anyways, we’ve been together for 18 years now lol. So idk maybe people would think that’s creepy since I met him when he was 12, but 🤷♀️
Unless you were planning it all along, waiting for him to break up with his previous partner, then lovebomb him for 6 months until you ask him to marry you and then do a complete 180 and reveal you’re a pedophilic psychopath- you’re good!
(This lesson has been brought to you by my ex-husband.)
Same age gap too, just reversed. It IS possible for it to be gross- but it doesn’t seem like that’s the case for you!
It’s not like you were his babysitter his whole life lol
If he’s ready, he’s ready.
He’ll be delighted. Go for it.
One day I was back home visiting my folks and this hot young guy in a muscle car waved at me on Main Street. He followed me into the gas station, told me he thought I was hot and asked me for drinks. I realized I BABYSAT for him and his siblings.
He’s 12 years younger than I am. Our folks are friends.
As flattered as I am to be considered a cougar I just couldn’t do it. He grew up fine as hell, but no.
31 and 25 passes half age +7. As long as you didn’t abuse him as a kid or something I don’t see why this would be an issue.
Not gross, only weird if your mindset is so dictated by the late gen z. It’s fine if it’s like 5-10 year gap while in adult hood (like 25-35). Some may have found true love at like 25 & 40 or 30 & 45 even. You both are fully aware now as adults to make decisions & whatnot. My bf & I are 3 years apart. 33 & 30.
Girl, I’d say go for it. Give him a chance & get to know him better as an adult & him as a man. If you’re not interested in the end, just say no.
I dont think it’s bad, you were BOTH children, even if you were a bit older. It’s not like you groomed him when you were grown up and he was a child.
Maybe I’ll be downvoted for this, but what makes it weird to me is you remember helping him as a toddler that young.
That’s what would be a no from me. That’s just my take. Do whatever lol
If you were 19 and 13, that would be a problem. But at 31 and 25, you’re both adults, it’s fine. Go live your life