I (19F) have worked in retail for about 3 years and have become friends with a group of my coworkers. One of those friends (26M) invited me to go out one night for a couple of drinks (18 is the legal drinking age of my country). I assumed our other friends would be coming and it would be chill but when I turned up it was just that guy. We sat in bar for a little while before he invited some other random guy that I did not know.
At this point I was getting a little uncomfortable because I am not that close with this coworker and now I was also sitting with a stranger too. My coworker kept buying me drinks and we decided to leave the bar and go to a beach. We sat on the beach (still drinking) for a little while but then I needed to use the bathroom. My coworker decided to come with me because the bathrooms were a little far away, it was dark, and I am a woman.
Just before getting to the bathrooms he starts calling me pretty and saying “do you like to be called pretty?” I said no because I already hear it from creepy customers enough but he kept saying it anyway. After using the bathroom we started to make our way back to the other guy that was still waiting on the beach ig. The bathrooms were in this weird building and there weren’t any people around so I was getting kinda scared. Then my coworker stops and says “have you ever kissed a 26 year old?” I knew exactly where this was leading and I did not like it so I tried to just laugh and brush it off and not really answer him but then he grabbed me and kissed me anyway.
I was very drunk and so I didn’t really do anything because I couldn’t properly understand what was even happening. After he finished kissing me I kept walking, just wanting to get out of the creepy building and back to the public. I thought being around more people would stop him but boy was I wrong. We were on a public footpath so there were people around but he stopped anyway and started kissing me again. This time he was touching me in certain areas and tried to put his hand down my pants. I stopped him and said that I was on my period (I was on my period but I still would have said it if I wasn’t) and that stopped him.
We met up with his other friend again and went to the train station. My coworker and I live in a similar area so we were on a train together and it was horrible. I was starting to sober up and realise what had happened and he was talking the whole time about how he was ‘different’ from the other guys at work or something idk.
When I got home I called my best friend (she does not work with me so she doesn’t know my coworker at all). She listened to me and tried to make me feel better but I can tell she didn’t really know what to say, which I do not blame her for. I haven’t told anyone else because I kind of feel like it’s my fault for letting it happen but I don’t want to go out with him again. He keeps messaging me asking when we can go again. Also throughout the night he kept telling me not to tell anyone at work because ‘the guys will be jealous’. Obviously I was confused about this and wanted to know who exactly he was talking about but I never got an answer so idk why he kept saying that.
I have not told anyone at work (or anyone besides my best friend) because I feel so ashamed. Also because there is one coworker that I am actually interested in and we always flirt but he is much more introverted and I really don’t want him to find out.
I really wish I never left my room that night. I just don’t know how to tell this guy that I don’t want to go out with him again and am scared that he might try to do something. I have been making excuses but he is just so insistent. Last night he was messaging me and I kept trying to end the conversation but he just kept going and I started shaking and almost crying. I’m not a confrontational person and I will still have to work with him.
If you read this whole thing, thank you and I would be happy to receive any advice.
Comments
You absolutely need to bring this up at work with HR or a manager. This is disgusting behaviour.
You played it really smart though so you should take comfort in that!
My heart breaks for you. You were assaulted, and you are not to blame. Your shame is not yours to carry. You are strong for sharing your story.
Prioritize your safety. Avoid him. Document everything. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a hotline. Consider reporting him.
Set firm boundaries. “No” is enough. You deserve safety and healing. Let your voice be heard. You are a survivor, worthy of love and respect.
Sending love 💕 I just want to say that this is not your fault. It is his. It’s normal to have feelings of shame (mostly because of how we are socialized as women), but this is NOT your fault. It is HIS, therefore HE should feel ashamed for HIS actions. HE encouraged a young woman to get very drunk to the point you didn’t know what was happening so he could do what he wanted. HE is shameful.
Consider yourself lucky that you got out of this without being assaulted by one or both of them.
Seems like far too much of a coincidence that he just invited a random guy to isolate you on a beach after filling you full of drinks all evening…
I hope you learned a valuable lesson.
Sounds like a creep. Firstly, tell him you can’t see him anymore like that because there’s someone else. Secondly, ask the other coworkers if he normally dates younger girls – drop in that he was a bit too forward with you. The fact he doesn’t want anyone at work knowing could actually be because he does this kind of thing a lot.
Wean off messaging him, start replying slower and slower, and if he makes a fuss about it tell him you’re busy and make up an excuse.
At work, is there anyone you can confide in to protect you from him/intercept/interrupt in case he’s making moves on you?
Maybe you can even tell the coworker you’re interested in, tell him that the other guy is coming on to you, kissed you even though you didn’t want it, and you’re scared he’s going to try and do more. A lot of guys like being the knight in shining armor, maybe you’ll get to spend more time with this coworker that you’re interested in, and you’ll have someone having your back against the creepy coworker. Win win win
I’m… genuinely heartbroken for you. This guy is a total fucking predator, there’s no other way to put it. He took advantage of your trust and inebriation, and that’s sickening. You did the best you could given the circumstances, but that doesn’t mean it was okay what happened to you. Focus on healing and don’t for one second believe this was your fault
Would text him something like “I’m really not interested and you are crossing a line”. Sometimes you need to be hard. This guy is obviously not getting it. I get you don’t want to be rude, but it’s the only way to stop it (and he is being rude). Lots of warmth (: