My mom was in and out of consciousness; she had a stroke and a brain bleed. She was stable and had experienced the TBI that morning.
My mom has a history of seeking younger men. She has even went so far as to have relations with my sister’s boyfriend’s brother who was 23, my mom 49.
I’ve caught her with so many men. It’s like a fetish. Even the men she’s married are at least 7 years younger. I think it’s disgusting. My mom has a history of mental illness. She loved men who drink and do drugs. She always put men before me and my brothers and sisters.
While sitting beside her while she was resting, she was getting all kinds of messages, naturally.
In the social media chats and messages, I saw a familiar name of one disgusting, despicable individual of someone I used to know. A manchild. A manchild who is looking to be taken care of by a woman. He has no shame. This person used to want to date me. I kicked him to the curb and he fawned over me for months, even driving 30 miles out of the way to pass my house to see if I had someone over.
He was sexting my mom. She was entertaining it.
To this day, she has no idea that I know. It was really hard to learn this while she was hanging delicately between life and death. She’s made a full recovery (walking, talking, driving, holding a job) since then but I wish I could talk to her about it.
I feel bad for snooping, but I still feel disgusted by all of it. She knows I am sickened i am by him. I want him to have absolutely no access to me by any means. I think about this almost every single day since it’s happened.
Have I violated my mom’s space? I feel like she is perpetually a teenager and needs constant guidance. Still, I know it doesn’t justify what I did. I’m sorry mom, and now I wish that I didn’t know what I know..
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You should talk to your mom about it and let her know that you know so that it doesn’t continue to bother you. I feel like if she was getting all kinds of messages while in a coma, it’s sort of reasonable that you would have looked at her phone…
Talk to her about it, it’s reasonable you would have looked in concern. Tell her the phone was going off constantly and you wanted to make sure it wasn’t someone you needed to make aware of her current state.
You should have texted him about how much this hospital stay is going to cost and how you(mom) need someone to come take care of you and pay some of the bills because it’s so expensive and he’s so caring you know he wouldst mind helping out financially.
I Wouldn’t say anything because It’s not your place. You were invading her privacy and if it’s not something that is putting you or her in danger, I think you should stay out of it. There is nothing indicating you have to have any relationship with this despicable person. Her business is her business.
It is she who betrayed you. You just have to sit in the filthy knowledge of it. You are taking on the weight of her betrayal instead of keeping it where it belongs. On her depraved shoulders.
Given your mom’s personality, would talking to her about it make things better or worse for you? Do you think there is a realistic chance she would give a genuine apology? If so, mention it. If not, then find something to help you move on. I had someone in my life who I wanted to have zero access to me and would have been devastated if she had considered sexting him. That is definitely worse than going through someone’s phone. Not sure if she would see it that way though.
I wouldn’t know how to move forward in my relationship with my mom so I guess it forces a conversation. You did have a reason to keep up on her messages but having tripped into this ickk I can totally get feeling guilty.
What you haven’t expressed is anger. Disgust? Yes.
Do you think because of when you learned about it you haven’t allowed yourself to get mad? Or are you all out of anger? I dunno, I think I’d be angrier she’d play with this shithead after knowing my stance. You did mention mental illness so I’m sure I’m reacting without the perspective.
It’s not your fault. You deserved a good mom who wouldn’t do stuff like that. I’m sorry.
I would’ve blocked him on your moms phone
7 yrs younger is nothing. Kidding me
That’s incredible. You didn’t snoop. The rest I can’t process, sorry
Block those contacts. She might not even notice.
Yes, your mother has a sex life, and as long as they are adults and she doesn’t try to force them into your life, who she dates is none of your business.
She doesn’t ask that man to parent you, you’re not supposed to call him Dad, so where is the problem?
The problem is your fascination with your mother -a grown ass woman- who has a sex life… and young, energetic partners who make her feel young.
Stop snooping through her phone, mothers have a right to privacy too.
did he do something harmful to you?
if ur mom likes younger men, i don’t think that’s any reason to give her hate. everyone is a consenting adult.
mental illness is tricky, it never leaves you and leaves you acting and behaving way younger than your actual age, while not always but definitely periodic phases that will come around. a pattern if you will.
unless your mom is abusive and harms you, i would just be there to support her, stY out of her love life, and let her know that you want nothing to do with that former romantic link, which she should respect by not having him around you ever.
It sounds like your mother has a profound mental illness that she has carried for life. Tbh my mother suffered a permanent brain injury when I was young, and so any thoughts of getting a meaningful apology for some of the things that happened during my childhood were null and void.
I’m sorry you are going through this, and I understand your need for some justice.. but sadly, given her age and the effects of the stroke, I don’t think you will get the closure you want.
I know it’s hard, but somewhere deep inside, try and dig up some compassion for her. The stroke itself maybe some type of karmic justice for her poor decisions in life, so I can only suggest you perhaps seek some type of therapy to heal.
Something has happened to her in life to make her the way she is (or was), and it doesn’t look like it will be solved in this lifetime.
You may find, moving forward, that the stroke changes her permanently and this behaviour stops or is completely forgotten altogether, which in itself may assist with your healing journey.
do NOT talk to her about it. you used her delicate medical status to invade her privacy. who she has relations with is NONE of your business.
You made all this up, but in the remote case that you didn’t, you should know that your mother is a lot cooler than you and her sex life probably a thousand times better than anything you will ever experience on your own. A 23 year older? Go Cougar.
Yes you violated your mom’s space, and did so when she was most vulnerable. The bottom line is she’s an adult, and you may not like the choices she makes, but it’s also not your business. And as I see you’ve defended yourself by saying you weren’t really snooping, you were just answering messages, obviously not. You could have told the sender at any time she can’t speak right now, I’ll tell her you texted or just left it alone until she was done resting. Instead you took advantage of the opportunity to dig around.
I snooped one time, when I was young. Probably about age 22 .
I learned a valuable lesson. I found things that caused me extreme mental anguish , I’d rather not have known. To this day I don’t prowl.
You are invading her privacy. She’s speaking with consenting adults.
In my opinion it’s your mom’s life; she’s an adult and should be allowed to make her own mistakes, which leaves you with a choice. You either accept it and do what you can to be supportive to her, or disapprove and distance yourself from her and her life choices.
In my experience, very few people change their behaviors until the consequences outweigh the rewards. This observation carries greater weight between parents and children. As a parent, there is no way my children are going to tell me how to live my life. It sucks, but that’s just how it is.
That is none of your business. You knew who she was before you looked at those texts. If you don’t like it then walk away. Tbh, the choosing men over her own children is enough to go low contact imo.
You def should not have gone through your moms phone. Especially if you weren’t prepared to see things and not judge her. She can get with younger guys, as long as they aren’t minors. Your mom is an adult and human. You don’t need to gatekeep her actions or shame her kink, especially publicly like this. I’m sorry your mom had a health scare and I truly hope she’s recovering and making making healthy choices moving forward. You don’t need to say anything to your mom, unless it’s an apology for snooping. For real, at any age, if your mom did that to you, would you want an apology?