Throw away account. I love my wife. And proud to say that I have loved her immensely, though not perfect. Married 17 years. 3 kids, all in Uni. To the outside world looking in – a near perfect family. However during Covid my wife comes out to confess due to a new found level of religion and to get the truth off her chest. She cheated on me multiple times during our marriage – and I never knew. We did have a rough patch which was financial and caused us to separate – a time of which she also met someone. The other times they were work colleagues, or old friends. All the infidelity incidences happened prior to 2010. One particularly hurts because I knew him and his wife as they worked closely together, even often asking me occasionally to help fund their business idea.
At the time of being told, I shook it off. Life then was pressing with Covid and other factors. (We live overseas and have close to no family at all here. so kept things to myself ) However, as much as I have tried some days I love her immensely and some days I’m disgusted. Then I think of throwing away what is now close to 25 years of marriage for events that happened more than a decade ago. My feelings are so confused. A part of me wishes I had never known. Then I think of details such as how I met her AP, the lying about work, the disregard that he was married ( we both knew his wife ). I sit and wonder what kind of person I married.
In hindsight, I should have acted immediately but time has made me look even more stupid even if I was to take action now. She on the other hand thinks its over and doesn’t understand why I have taken so long to forgive as a Christian. Help me logically think this through.
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I really hope that you are able to heal from this and I hope she isn’t using her Christianity as a way to by pass her accountability in her actions
Getting betrayed like that hurts no matter when , what , where cheating is cheating and it’s painful. Hurt knows no time . You are allowed to feel and also you are not an idiot for taking action , you didn’t know back then. And you know now.
But remember that if you decide to stay with her that there will be a lot to heal from together , both of you will need to work together to overcome your new lack of trust and sense of betrayal. And she’s going to have to work on how to gain that back. But you owe it to yourself to be honest with what you wish to do. You aren’t stupid and your reality has now been shifted it will take time. Give yourself some grace and don’t be too hard on yourself ✨❤️
She’s weaponizing religion as a way of trying to manipulate you, belittle/discredit your feelings, and as a way of trying to prove that she’s entitled to forgiveness. No one can tell you what to do, but do you think if the roles were reversed, like even down to the exact situation, she’d forgive you? And I don’t mean ‘say you forgive them but hold it over their head later’, I mean would she ACTUALLY forgive you?
She wants to preach about being a good Christian and forgiving her, and yet, infidelity and deceit are frowned upon, and she went against her religion to partake in those things. Why does she suddenly have the space to demand how you behave? She was also comfortable lying to you for ten years. Ten years she looked at you and your children everyday and not once attempted to come clean and, from how she’s behaving, it doesn’t seem like she actually feels all that guilty. If she genuinely did feel for what she did, she wouldn’t be so able to demand you forgive her. She wants forgiveness not for forgiveness sake, but to pad her own ego surrounding the issue. She’s projecting the ‘good Christian’ stuff onto you.
You’re allowed to feel what you feel when you feel it. Fuck her for expecting you to feel or react when is convenient for her. She lied to you for 10 years and she then has the audacity to be angry at YOU? Man,, for CENTURIES, physicists would be studying the faster-than-light speed with which her ass would meet the sidewalk if that were me. Fuck that noise. Don’t feel like the time that has passed takes anything off the table for reasonable reaction.
“I found out that she was unfaithful multiple times, and I will not tolerate that kind of disrespect towards me or our family. “
Good luck!
Since she’s on her “Spiritual Journey” why doesn’t she continue it and tell all the Betrayed partners whose husbands she slept with?
This has nothing to do with “god” and everything to do with her own guilt.
You need therapy and you need it now.
The Bible says if the spouse cheats on you, divorce them. It’s okay to forgive them but I wouldn’t stay with her she might still be cheating on you. If she’s done it before she will never stop.