I am the woman with the deck oiling MIL. I sent her a message talking about boundaries. Hubby called her asking her to dinner to discuss it. She declined. She showed up at my daughters bday with a gift (and SIL’s family). They kept to themselves, barely said anything and left before the cake was cut
Now Mother’s Day is coming up. We have lunch planned and she found out about it at the party. It’s at her favourite restaurant so she was bitter and started telling ppl at the party the food and service was terrible there. Hubby called her and asked if we can come see her with the kids after lunch. She said she has plans and the service there is so slow you won’t get out in time anyway
While I think it’s amusing about the restaurant and great for our family, I feel so sad for my husband. It seems like she is going to cut him off. He has no family, it’s just him, mil and sil. His father is very old and noone knows where he is or what he’s doing. It also reminds me of when he told me about his mother cutting him off when he was younger
His mother and stepfather kicked him out of home at 18. They wouldn’t let him inside to get his things. He came in anyway and Gus stepfather held him up against the wall and after some arguing hit him. My husband called the police and stepfather was arrested and taken away. DH tried to drop the charges but police refused and went ahead with domestic violence charges. This impacted his ability to get certain jobs and travel. He had to do community service
His mother took her husband’s side. She didn’t talk to my husband for 1.5 years. She has split from stepfather now and has heard hubby tell that story to others. She said oh that wasn’t the version I got. You don’t ask your child what happened before cutting them off?!!!
This is where I suspect it’s headed. My husband is very disappointed in her and I don’t think he’ll press it too much. He said if that’s the way she wants to be 🤷♀️. I’m just so sad for him that he doesn’t have parents that aren’t narcs. Parents who actually put their children first. That said he said she’s very low on his priority list at the moment and he’ll just see what happens
We have her bday party in a couple of weeks. A friend offered to babysit for free. We’ll go for a couple of hours and then leave. Then there’s no events or reasons to see her until November. We’ll see how it plays out
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Other posts from /u/kiwigirlie:
Deck Oiling MIL – daughters bday party, 3 days ago
Deck Oiling MIL Again, 1 week ago
Update on oil decking MIL, 1 week ago
Told her my boundaries, 1 week ago
People think I’m unreasonable, 2 weeks ago
Do you tell mil your boundaries or just enforce them?, 2 weeks ago
MIL tried to oil deck while we were away, 2 weeks ago
The Cow Incident, 2 weeks ago
Update on MILs Bday Party, 1 month ago
MILs 60th Bday, 1 month ago
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Apologies if you already covered this in a post but is your husband in therapy??
Unfortunately your husband lost a long time ago. His mother is revealing her true colors again (and again). I know it’s so painful to watch him hurt by her but remember you are not the cause and you’re not to blame! You stood up for yourself and your daughter which was right. Being a doormat for her would not mean things were better. Sending you gentle hugs from someone who has been there.
I’m so sad this toxic woman is still in your life. And HIS.
Don’t get too hopeful, she might circle back and love bomb him after her birthday party
Your MIL is classic narc mom. She’d rather cut off her own son than admit she’s wrong about ANYTHING. She did it once when he was 18, she’ll do it again.
The restaurant trash-talking is just petty revenge. Let her sulk. Your husband deserves better than someone who chose an abusive stepdad over her own child. Focus on your family and let her stew.
Do y’all really have to go to this party? It just sounds like a few hours of misery.
This does not sound like a woman you guys should want in your lives just because she is “family”. She’s been abusive to your husband probably all of his life. What’s stopping her from being like that to your child one day? Follow her lead and drop the rope. She wants you to chase her. She’s playing games and your husband is unfortunately falling for it by constantly extending invitations to her. Like I’m sorry, but why should you share your Mother’s Day with this woman and see her at all??
Thank you for updating us on your story which has resonated with so many here. Your husband may have a narc mom, but he has a healthy relationship with you; that along with therapy will help him heal.