Throw away account because I can never have anyone I know, know about these thoughts. I’ve never even joked about this to my closest friends.
My and my BF met at college. Both of us weren’t from rich families but we made it work (dates) with the allowances our parents give us. It was always 50/50 between us, which was our preferred method when going out because I don’t like the idea of being indebted to anyone, especially to him knowing that he didn’t have that much more money than I do. I didn’t mind the cheap dates because I love him. I just wanted to be with him.
He lives around 2 hours away from where I live. We didn’t have cars so we usually commute to each others places all the time. We take turns choosing who’s place we get to hang out next so that it was equal effort on both ends.
We were set to graduate in the same year but on his final year, he decided to switch his major. That meant he had to spend a few more years in college. It was fine. He was just a bit delayed and our plans to spend our lives together didn’t change. I went ahead and got a job that paid minimum wage but I was still grateful for one. I just needed the experience anyway.
Then covid hit. We didn’t get sick but I did lose my job after being there for only 2 months. Thankfully, he was able to continue his studies online. I didn’t get another job until almost a year later. Still minimum wage, longer commute, but still a paying job.
I continued to switch jobs after that, always aiming for better pay and preferably closer to home. He graduated but wasn’t able to get a job immediately after. I understood. There was a lot of competition for jobs at the time, especially when a lot of people also lost their jobs due to the pandemic. He got a few jobs here and there, but he was never able to keep the job for longer than a month up to this day.
I finally landed a job that paid a decent wage and it was a much shorter commute. So short that I could walk to and from work if I really wanted to. I loved my job but it’s getting to a point where the workload is absolute hell. There are times when I get the urge to just smash my head on the glass covered table or just climb up to the rooftop and jump all the way down.
Since he doesn’t really have any money, I’ve been going to his place to unwind and de-stress myself. This has been our arrangement since covid. I didn’t mind it at first but the cost of the commute and the little lunches has really been taking a toll on my finances and mental health. I’ve been going to his place significantly less than before. My money can finally take a breath but my mind has been in a steady decline ever since. I feel like I get a headache at the slightest inconvenience. My patience is now paper thin and I’m holding on to it for dear life.
Lately I’ve been fantasizing about just calling it quits and just marry someone rich. Or just someone with a stable job. Or just straight up break up with him and be alone for a while. I just want to stop thinking about money all the time. I want to stop feeling like I have no choice but to stay at my job because I have bills to pay and people that depend on my salary. For once, I’d like to feel like I can have someone I can depend on. That I have someone that can catch me if I slip and lose my job for a while. I’d like to not think about skipping meals just so we could afford some groceries that the house needs.
I do love him. I really do. I know that he would spend the money on seeing me if he had any and I know that he really is trying. But I just feel completely alone. I feel like the relationship is so one sided, with me spending all my extra money just to see him that I barely have any left for me. I can’t even see our future together anymore. I can’t even see him getting a job anymore because of how long it takes him to even get an interview. I don’t want to spend another 8 years waiting to see if we’d get anywhere.
I’m tired and I feel horrible for even entertaining the idea. I never talk about this to my friends because I know that they would just tell me to break up with him. How could I even leave someone just because they have no money? The worst part of it is that I know, deep down, that I’ll never be able to break up with him. I’m too much of a coward to hurt his feelings so I know that I would choke down on my own feelings just to keep the peace. I feel like I’m already in hell.
Comments
You need to have a serious sit down and talk with him..
I don’t think this is a money issue. If he really wanted to, he would visit you as much as you visit him or go 50/50 on the costs. Something ain’t right here.
It sounds more like you want to leave someone who doesn’t give a damn about you and isn’t trying in life or relationship.
Your feelings are valid, I would have a gentle conversation about your frustrations and ask him to help it cause you can’t cover for both of you. If he declines and doesn’t try then you have your answer.
You’re not evil for wanting stability. Love doesn’t pay rent, and martyrdom isn’t a relationship goal. It’s okay to want a partner, not a dependent.
It sounds like you’re putting more effort into the relationship than he is.
This is a money issue. That’s stress and pressure.
Good decision. If even after 8 years he did not figure out his responsibilities towards a family, then he needs to remain single
At the end of the day, each one has to fend for himself/herself. We have 1 life. Lead it well.
As someone else suggested, this sounds like it’s not really about money but a lack of ambition and effort on his part.
Why is he unable to hold down a job for more than a month? That alone would be concerning to me if I was planning to be with someone long term.
Even if it is about money, you’re allowed to end things with anyone for any reason. Don’t stay in a relationship you’re unhappy in just because someone didn’t give you a “good enough” reason, in your mind, to split.
He is very lucky to have you still and I really hope that things will get better for you soon.
can we honestly e date? you’re so beautiful. You always make me laugh, you always make me smile. You literally make me want to become a better person… I really enjoy every moment we spend together. My time has no value unless its spent with you. I tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. Thank you for being you. Whenever you need someone to be there for you, know that i’ll always be right there by your side. I love you so much. I don’t think you ever realize how amazing you are sometimes. Life isn’t as fun when you’re not around. You are truly stunning. I want you to be my soulmate. I love the way you smile, your eyes are absolutely gorgeous. If I had a star for everytime you crossed my mind i could make the entire galaxy. Your personality is as pretty as you are and thats saying something. I love you, please date me. I am not even calling it e dating anymore because I know we will meet soon enough heart OK I ADMIT IT I LOVE YOU OK i hecking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your girlfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninsterested in me it hecking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i’m begging you to eaither love me back or remove me and never contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you dont love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life.