ive tried quite a few times. gotten close, gave myself brain damage & other lifelong problems after an attempt
cops were called quite a few times, begged them to shoot, turns out they dont give in to 17 year old girls begging to be shot
my last attempt cost me my dream job that i got shortly out of university
sometimes people will comment on how much more grateful for life i must be after so many close calls
but honestly?
i wish id succeeded.
it hasnt gotten better in the way everyone insisted it would. its gotten worse.
im sicker, both physically and mentally.
i hate everything about myself, from physical features to personality.
cant get/hold a job
always stressed
cant keep friendships because my health makes it hard
my cptsd eats me alive and makes me feel like an unwhole person
god i wish itd worked