As a lesbian, I’ve had queer men harass, assault and attack me for their perception of me as a woman.
A trans man called my attraction to women disgusting. And the excuse I’ve always heard was that he felt insecure about his manhood always being misdirected as him being a lesbian, but how does that excuse his reaction being a blatant hatred of women?
As someone who is in more minority groups that I can count, men are always the weakest link. Black men will push black women under the bus to get ahead. Queer men will push queer women (especially lesbians) under the bus to get ahead. Autistic men will be violent to women and have their abuse excused because “they don’t know what they’re doing” meanwhile autistic women are expected to know everything and mask perfectly. And even then they’re still treated like shit.
It’s awful to be a woman* in a marginalised group and have to constantly defend your existence because no matter how you phrase it, men will bandwagon on you for daring to say your experiences as a woman are different. You’re not even allowed to say they’re harder, just different and even then you’re evil for “dividing the community”.
I’m just sick of it all.
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Yep, men do this. And then act like they don’t, get defensive, blame, name call… sound familiar? I’m also sick of it.
“A trans man called my attraction to women disgusting.” This pisses me off, we should call out the amount of internalized misogyny and homophobia we see in transmen and not let their obvious issues slide because they hide it all behind the trans label.
Not all trans men* Just for the whiners
It’s a weirdly common theme that marginalized people often see their own understanding of prejudice as a lot more comprehensive than it actually is. After all they have a really thorough understanding of the stuff that affects them. This tends to result in an attitude of “I couldn’t be bigoted, I hate those guys and I’m nothing like them” having missed the detail that there’s a lot of ways to do it and they’ve got their own too
Full disclosure: I’m a heterosexual cis woman, so my story pales to yours, but several years ago, I began meeting a lot of young gay men who were extremely misogynistic. They fat shamed women and were hostile toward older women.
They know. There’s a certain type of gay dude who has an awful lot in common with straight white men. They like being jerks to women & especially lesbians. They think they won at life because misogyny is on their side. This has been a thing since… it is the 1980s when I first became aware of it.
Gay dudes of this ilk will say things like “I don’t trust anything that stays wet for 50 years”, referencing our pusssies. It’s hard to tell if a white gay guy is one of this type or not. Usually the first time one says something foul, I’m out. No longer interested in friendship or business acquaintance ship or whatever.
Straight white cis man here – I’ve heard some heinous misogynistic shit come from gay men about women. Basically pick-me stuff but gay men fighting for the attention of het/bi men.
I sometimes wonder if people from marginalized groups understand the dynamics at play with these complex social issues, or if they are just accidentally “on the right side of history.”