I’m still processing it as we speak. I’m currently law enforcement and all I can remember is watching one of my partners giving CPR to this kids lifeless body.
I know we’re trained for this type of scenarios but as soon as I showed up to the scene I was in an instant state of shock as if god froze me in time. 5 secs later reality rushed back into my head and I ended up switching over with my partner to preform CPR while EMS was trying to get air back into his body.
I can’t stop seeing both bodies in my head. Both died from headshots, one self inflicted the other was from rage. It seemed to be related to an Ex boyfriend vs current boyfriend scenario. The girlfriend was still on scene and watched the entire thing happen as she was also in complete shock while we were attempting to bring them both back.
This was my first time seeing anything this tragic and here I am back to work again as if nothing happened. Deff need some time to just get my mind off this.
Comments
Thats very rough man. The department has outlets to talk about this kind of stuff. Going to therapy makes you stronger, not weaker. Appreciate your service.
[Sorry if this seems insensitive..]
Top 5 things I’d do with superpowers:
Make
This
Shit
Not
Happen
Y’all just get on here and lie
Are you in MN?
I’m so sorry that happened… you and your colleagues absorb so much cruelty. It’s unfair.
That shit messes with your mind. It’s okay for you to not be okay after witnessing something like that.
This is exactly what this subreddit is for. When you just have some heavy shit you need to say. Somehow, once you tell someone else, it’s a little easier to deal with.
The world is unfair.
Thank you for what you do. I’m sorry you witnessed that.
I am so sorry about what happened to you. Please take care of yourself first. Allow yourself to fully process everything that has happened regardless of how uncomfortable it may be. Don’t be afraid to look for a good therapist who specializes in trauma and get help as soon as you are able to. You and your mental health matter and the sooner you cope with what happened the better you will feel in the long run. Thank you for everything that you do. You are appreciated
First time is the worst. I’m a former EMT and I remember my first one like it was yesterday. It becomes part of the job after a while. Seek some professional help my friend. This trauma becomes a ticking time bomb.
Thank you for all that you do for us.
If you have a peer counselor or grief counselor available, I highly urge you to engage with them. It is so much “easier” (I am not sure that’s the right word) to be up front and confront the horror your mind sees, as opposed to letting it rot your soul over the course of your career. PTSD can be prevented/mitigated by a proper rationalization through counseling.
Crazy that the girlfriend wasn’t shot, but glad there was at least one survivor.
Do you have a PIO that can get in touch with the regional CISM/CISD team? Even if they don’t speak to you guys in the group setting they will offer their time to talk to you separately- even that small bit helps. And it’s still anonymous. Please seek this out. Time does help- but this stuff comes back when you least expect it, sights never bothered me- sounds did. They still do- and I probably could have altered that course if I listened to others in time. Please ask. Or call the EAP. It’s 24/7. And also- play Tetris. Im dead serious on that one.
Just my .02 (30+ years in civil service Fire/EMS)
Hey, I’m so sorry that you had to see that. I can’t imagine how hard that was. It’s okay not to be okay. Thanks for doing what you do! It’s a really important job. But also, try to remember to take care of you, too.
Do you have access to Tetris? Apparently it somehow helps the brain process traumatic experiences. I think they say the sooner, the better. I’m so sorry you had to see and participate in that, even though “it’s your job”. There’s no shame in reaching out to a counsellor or therapist to talk about it either. They exist for a reason – to help you work through though shit. All the hugs for you. 🌷
Current LE. The first one is the one that will always stick. Even years down the road, you’ll remember this. Make sure you process it in healthy ways…speak to a therapist. Work always has resources to help debrief this.
So crazy to think that people don’t usually take those first responders into account when these serious things happen and they show up. It’s like they’re expected to just move on and go home after their shift and live a “normal” life. We don’t give enough mention/focus to the mental health of those helping us “regular citizens” with our mental health crises.
Hey OP I just want to say I’m so sorry you had to witness that, and then go back to work today. I can’t even imagine how hard that must be for you. I just want you to know there are still people out here in the community that support LEOs, and if I could I would give you a giant hug. It’s ok to not be ok. Please find a professional to talk to. It doesn’t make you weak. Take care of you. And as others have said, please please don’t turn to alcohol to numb what you feel or to try to block what you saw. It won’t help when you sober up.
I’m here to listen if you need to talk 🩷