I am a 20F virgin and raised Christian. I feel like I was sheltered as a kid and sex and “inappropriate” topics were not talked about in the house. I have also not kissed anyone yet. Most of my friends have had sex before and say that I should do it just to get it over with, and some say they regret some of their hookups. I want to wait until I am in a long term relationship to do it but I feel guilty for wanting to do it since the Bible doesn’t allow sexual immorality, or doing it before marriage. My family also look down on sex before marriage. I know I’d have to actually be in a relationship, but I feel like no man will be willing to wait for me for marriage, or I will want to have sex if the occasion arises but I think I will feel extremely guilty afterwards. Any advice?
I would feel guilty if I had sex
r/Advice
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There are so many people out there that feel the same way!! Im 18F and a virgin and im terrified also but not a Christian. There are so many people who also want to wait until marriage. You aren’t alone!
i think that ur friends suck for pressuring you like that. you aren’t ‘behind’ or ‘different’ because you haven’t done any of that. and there are some guys that are willing to wait, especially christian guys as well. one day, when God wills, the perfect man for you will come and he will respect your values/morals – you will see it was worth the wait. don’t ever feel prsssured tondo something just to ‘get over it’ and most of all, never anything that you know you would regret. the right man will wait 🫶🏼
Pray about it and do not give in to a reckless passion or lust filled date. They are short lived and not only will you feel guilty, but used and humiliated if he ghosts you. Wait for that special someone, love! He is out there and there is NO rush. Sex is best with someone who loves you anyway.
One of my best friends was just married last year – her and her husband both waited until marriage and they are a great match. They are 30. If you’re not ready to kiss someone or have a boyfriend – you’re probably not ready to have sex! Don’t let them pressure you. If you are thinking about exploring, maybe start with baby steps like dating someone first. Try to get involved with people and in communities that share your values. Even if you decide to have sex before marriage, many people date for quite a while before they take that step.
You are brainwashed. Don’t let a little book and some old people control your thoughts. Literally definition of brainwashed
I was raised in a religious household and told to not have sex before marriage. I felt the same way. All my friends were having sex and I had never had a boyfriend. I felt like something was wrong with me. I did anyways with a friend and sometimes I regret it and sometimes I don’t. At the time, I did. My first time was a one night stand even though it was someone I trusted. Although we stayed friends, it was never romantic but I always wanted it to be. He didn’t. He hooked up with people I knew shortly afterwards and I put on a strong face, but it was hard. I still think about him sometimes. However, it did give me a newfound confidence. I was a virgin until I was 18 too, but after that I felt okay to out myself out there (not sleeping with everyone) but more flirty and confident and a year later found my husband. We have been together 14 years now and I am still a practicing Christian and further in my faith journey now than ever before.
Someone once told me that God looks at sin like looking down upon New York City. One sin is not greater than another. From above, you can’t tell which skyscraper is taller, they are just buildings. Sin is inevitable. Also, if you are in a long term relationship with someone you trust and decide to get married, sex long term with your husband will be important. The Bible does say that. Not everyone is sexually compatible. People have different likes and dislikes or levels of sex drive. It’s important to know these things before you commit. Even if you don’t have sex, you need to talk about it and feel comfortable. To me, marriage is a sacrament and something I only plan to do once. I wanted to make sure it was right.
Sex is emotional and sacred. There will be someone out there who will wait for you, but also I don’t feel like God has condemned me for having sex before marriage or with someone who was not my husband.
Do what YOU want to do when you want to do it! Any man worth anything, that truly loves you, will wait until you’re ready. I would not do it just to get it over with. Do it with someone you love.
Sex before marriage is a sin but no sin is greater than the other. A sin is a sin and we’re all sinners. I say wait for a serious relationship and have sex before marriage. You shouldn’t feel guilty it’s human nature. If you do feel guilty just go repent. Waiting until marriage could cause so many problems in your marriage, or it could go great. But what if you get married and then you guys do it and he sucks? What if he thinks you suck? What if there’s no sexual chemistry and his taste grosses you out so much you lose feelings? What if he’s too small? Or too big? I say deflower yourself babe but with a good guy you trust
I am a male and I waited until I was 25. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting and the right person won’t mind waiting for you
As someone who has played the field because I thought it was what everyone was doing, if I could go back, I’d wait til marriage. And that’s even though I’m 40 and still unmarried. I wasn’t taught that my virginity was precious or that my body was sacred. Nor have I had some grand sex life rife with adventure. I’ve had a bunch of shitty, quick, one night stands because I was taught that my body was the way to get a man to care about me. Now that I’ve found God I know that’s absolutely not the truth. Jesus said “Go and sin no more.” So that means that I’m now going to wait until I get married to have sex with someone else again. And the right man for me, the man that God has chosen for me, will respect me for that decision and won’t expect me to compromise my morals due to them being ‘unfashionable.’
Men trick you into thinking they love you, they use you, and then they call you a whore. And they have no problem taking months to do it. They’re predatory. And then they cry about all the ‘whores’ they’ve created because they weren’t man enough to control their lust. Even beasts control their lust. The person God chooses for you will control theirs, and they’ll respect you for controlling your own.
If you’re interested in exploring your own sexuality I should suggest pornography-free tantric masturbation.
i’m a 23F who was also raised Christian and i was in the same boat as you around a year and a half ago. then i had sex for the first time and to my shock and utter surprise i didn’t feel guilty, i felt like a piece of me i’d been missing had finally come back to me, and not bc of the guy. tbh i don’t even talk to the guy anymore, and i know it’s a different experience for everyone so please don’t feel like you have to take my advice but i do wanna say that it’s your choice of when and who you have your first time with. when you feel ready, you’ll know. and until then don’t feel like you have to just cause the people around you have. life doesn’t follow a schedule or a timeline. you’re not behind, love, i promise ❤️🩹
The right guy will wait. Now regarding feeling guilty, are you still Christian? Or why do you feel guilty?
19M in the same boat in some ways. My family doesn’t want me to have kids until I’m at least middle-aged. “It doesn’t make any sense for you to have kids if you’re not financially stable” is what they say at every family gathering. I’m not really into the idea of hookups. I really just want to marry someone, I just don’t want to wait that long. I’m just kind of concerned with disappointing my family.