I thought I was a lesbian for the past 3 years and I’ve had a crush on my best friend (17f) for 4 years but last night I went to the movies with my friend Michael and when I drove him home we made out in my car for over 30 minutes. I don’t know if I actually like him but I have been thinking about what happened in the car all morning and haven’t even thought about my best friend since it happened. How do I know if I actually like Michael? I will answer questions for more info.
I(17f) thought I was a lesbian but now I might like a boy (17m). How do I know if I actually like him?
r/Advice
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Just say you’re bi and move on. Obviously you’re not fully gay, you might not even be 1% gay and just be fully straight.
No problem that you thought you were gay, no problem being straight.
Just do what you actually enjoy.
You’re young and still figuring yourself out. Not as an invalidation to you identifying as a lesbian at all, that’s all valid! But your brain, hormones, everything in you is changing. Maybe the dude has a beautiful feminine energy to him that draws you in, and let’s be real, that’s rare in a guy. I’d say keep yourself open and don’t put yourself in a box. If you’re confused about anything, it will work itself out and you’ll know. This doesn’t invalidate you identifying as a lesbian i just want to be clear on that 💖 wishing you clarity, OP!
This is a really tender and confusing space to be in but also a completely normal one. Your identity doesn’t need to be locked in permanently, especially at 17. Attraction can surprise you, and sometimes it shows up in ways that challenge the labels you’ve been holding onto.
Here’s what matters most: you don’t have to figure out your entire sexuality right now. You just have to figure out what you feel about this person, in this moment.
Start by gently asking yourself a few things
Was making out with him something you enjoyed in the moment, or something you just got swept into?
Are you feeling curious about him now, what he’s thinking, if he liked it, what it might feel like to do it again, or are you just kind of stuck replaying the scene?
Do you want to be close to him outside of that kiss? Like, do you want to spend more time with him, talk to him, get to know him more deeply, or was the kiss kind of the whole focus?
If you’re feeling genuinely drawn to him, not just physically, but emotionally too, that might be a sign you really do like him, and that your orientation might be more fluid than you previously thought. That doesn’t erase your identity or the feelings you’ve had for your best friend. It just means this is more layered than you realized.
You can also be a lesbian and still experience physical curiosity or attraction in specific situations, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re not queer. And it’s also okay if you end up being bi, pan, fluid, or something else entirely. What matters isn’t getting the label right, it’s being honest with yourself and giving yourself permission to explore.
It might help to spend a little time alone with your thoughts. No pressure to decide anything today. Just notice what feelings come up when you think about him, beyond the kiss. Wanting to talk to him again? Spend time? Laugh together? That might mean there’s more here. But even if it’s just physical, that’s okay too. You’re figuring it out. And that’s what this time in your life is for.
When I was your age my first kiss was with another guy and of the 20ish people I have kissed in my life 15 or more have been male, now I have been married to my wife for 15 years and have no inclination toward gay relationships. Life isn’t a straight line and confusion is normal when you are young, enjoy your youth and be attracted to who you are attracted to and don’t worry about what label that matches.
Sexuality isn’t this rigid line. It’s more like being hungry. I don’t normally like pizza until I saw this one pizza that for some reason I just couldn’t take my eyes off and had to devour. Don’t think too much about the labels or this and that. If it feels good and you like it, go with it.
Not sure anyone is qualified to answer that except yourself.
I wouldn’t over think it, but evidently you don’t really fall into one category. I think you should consider yourself more fluid with your preferences, you don’t really need to “lock in” to one sexuality at any point in your life. Just be honest with yourself and others and the rest will work itself out.
if you don’t know then don’t lead the poor guy on
well based just on what you’ve said, it seems like you do like him. I would say just continue on like you have been, hanging out, spending time together, etc & if you really feel deep down inside that you wanna take the next step then you’ll really know for sure.
I hazard to guess that you were straight all along and weren’t eager to pursue relationships with boys, so you got a crush on your friend because you need lust in your heart for healthy growth hormones and shit.
Having your libido go online at 17 is unusual, but it’s not abnormal.
Don’t be scared of it. It’s ok if you like the spirt of people who embody both sexes. You like them for them, not their plumbing.
Labels are dumb. Not everything has to be defined. Just like who you like and be happy.
You can like both sexes and anything in between. Personally I wouldn’t get hung up on labels. Your relatively young, and probably still figuring this stuff out, that’s pretty normal.
If you made out with someone for over 30 minutes…you actually like them…
Nothing wrong with being bi my girl! Just embrace you you are and don’t let anyone dismiss you or bring you down 🩷💜💙
If it feels right you’ll know. It’s okay to just like everyone. No need for labels.
You’re still young and figuring yourself out. Even if you like a boy, it doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to girls anymore. Maybe you’re bi, or pan, or whatever. Or maybe you’re not any of those things. Either way, you don’t have to put a label on yourself right now. Just live your life, and see what experiences come to you. Also, I recommend the book Ramona Blue, about a girl going through the same kinds of things you are.
You’re 17, none of this matters. Just have fun and fight the urge to annoyingly overthink things. Angst is exhausting for you and those around you. Enjoy! 🥰
People who box themselves in by a label are hurting their possibilities in the long run.