TL:DR : Confessed to my bestfriend and roommmate pof 3 yrs and no idea how should handle this and save friendship?
Ig 3 years ago i made a friend on the 1st day of uni ended up being good friends with her but 2 months went by and found out i was catching feelings for her and then never realized that when these small crush like feeling turned into love, later for next 2 years i moved in with her (feels like i made a mistake tbh) cause in these 2 years my feelings grew immensely towards her ready to stay by her side always stand for her, and in these to years my soul became so numb to her that i forgot what it was like to be with myself.. we grew close became real good friends.. i was in love and she was just there as a friend.. and now after moving out of uni after graduation like after a month i decided to confess cause the love was deep in me i just wanted to get it out.. i wasn’t expecting her to reciprocate cause ik she doesn’t like idea of gay relationship and plus she is dating this guy too which kept bothering me alot i just wanted to let her know so that i could like get reassurance that this is not going to work as a relationship and my feelings are just mine and plus i could remove the idea of her and workout things with my potential partner instead of focusing on her, All i just wanted was for her to take things maturely and work the friendship out cause we had built a bond that was worth saving but now since the confession i see distance between me and her and that pains alot like i don’t wanna lose a good friend of mine, like it scares me to the point it is effecting me physically and mentally where i just cant live like normal person i feel like a creep…a selfish monster and thoughts keep coming in my mind like they keep me thinking that this is last time i ever spoke with her… idk what to do
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It sounds more like you confessed in hopes she would feel the same way. But you knew from beginning that she was straight and she is in a relationship.
She is probably taking space because she feels uncomfortable. She may worry she has said or done something to encourage this or not encourage it.
The friendship is possibly over. Give her the space she needs.
Please consider therapy to have someone to speak with about your feelings. You seem to have strong emotions and possibly have some trauma in your past. Work on yourself.
Things can’t go back to the way they were and that’s why it’s a bad idea to tell friends and roommates when you’re attracted to them. It changes the dynamics. I don’t think you can save it. You have to accept that this is the outcome. You confessed, she’s not interested, and now she’s not comfortable being your friend. It hurts to be rejected, but that’s the risk you take when you confess.