We’ve been together just over 2 years. Since I gave birth about 7 months ago I haven’t been in the mood for spicy time nearly as much. I take care of our daughter for the most part(almost 24/7) so most days I’m exhausted or completely touched out.
My fiance has done some research and thinks me not wanting to do anything most of the time is because I no longer find him attractive. I’ve tried explaining to him that that’s not the case giving the reasoning above usually with more detail if I can. But he doesn’t believe me and it leads to many arguments.
It usually goes something like this: he asks if I’m in the mood or when is the next time he’ll be getting some, I respond with “no I’m not in the mood right now/today” or “I don’t know”, this leads to him saying how we never do anything anymore and how he believes I don’t find him attractive anymore followed by his research, then I try to reassure him and give the reasons why I’m just not in the mood as much anymore.
Yesterday we had the same argument and since I didn’t want to do spicy time just to avoid an argument when the argument was over I decided to do my own research. My research showed exactly what I was trying to explain. Postpartum women can have a very low libido 6 months to a year after giving birth sometimes longer. It also showed that is very common to be touched out when taking care of a small child or infant 24/7.
I tried to show him and he said that I wasn’t trying to reassure him I was just trying to prove he was wrong.
I don’t know what to do. How do I reassure him that I still find him attractive? Telling him, giving him other forms of affection, and my research did not help. What do I do?
TLDR:My fiance thinks me not wanting to do spicy time is because I don’t find him attractive. I’ve tried every way I can think of to reassure him otherwise(constantly tired and touched out with 7 month old)
Comments
Please reconsider this marriage.
You are both too young and his actions show he is not ready to be a husband.
I hope you and baby are doing well and have support from your family to leave this man.
If nothing you say or do that isn’t sex reassures him that you still find him attractive but just aren’t in the mood, it almost feels like he’s trying to coerce you to sleep with him because that’s the only “proof” he’ll accept. I don’t know how you should go about this either, but stand your ground and don’t have sex with him if you’re not in the mood, and talk about this to someone if you can.
It sounds like all he cares about is sex. Can you go home to your parents?
He’s just saying that because he wants more sex. Just want to mention that sex is actually good for your body and things down there heal faster if it gets used. I had two babies and can tell you that waiting for it to all go back to pre-baby is slowing things down. So don’t wait too long. Be a little proactive with your own health.
But this might be his way out. He’s 20 with a baby and no sex life. If he wants out he will use this. You aren’t married so that right there says he’s not 100% in.
Sex is really important in any relationship especially those with a baby. I’m sure you are absolutely exhausted I don’t doubt that one bit. However your partner still has needs as I’m sure you still have needs from him. At age 20 I’m sure sex dropping off like that is a shock and his feelings are valid but so are yours. The question is what will you guys do to address this because it will take give and take in both sides.
My research says that someone who is still healing from birthing a child, and bone tired from being the main caregiver (and who does the bulk of household work) will prefer sleep to sexytimes because ‘which bit goes where’ is too much brain work.
He’s valuing his ‘research’ (Google? ChatGPT?) over your lived experience.
He needs to step up and be a dad and make sure you get rest and me-time.
His “research” told him you weren’t attracted to him anymore? Okay lol. I would love to see that “research.” He doesn’t care if he’s right or wrong, he just wants to get his dick wet. Does he even help with the baby?