My boyfriend(28M) and I(24F) have been in a relationship for a few months. He is almost perfect, but his past is holding me back from seeing our relationship be long term. My boyfriend pulled me aside and said he really needed to talk to me about the real reason him and his sister(24F) aren’t close. He dropped the bombshell on me that he use to sexually abuse his sister from ages 9-12 years old.
He deeply regrets his choices and has been trying to seek forgiveness from her ever since.
I truly believes that he regrets his actions, but there’s a piece of me that is disgusted by him, and I’m constantly thinking about him potentially being around kids and even our future children. There’s so many ways I can go about this! What can I do or say to get some sort of closure?
TLDR: My boyfriend(28M) use to sexually abuse his sister as a child
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I’d break up with him immediately. There is no redemption from being a rapist.
Leave? He sexually abused his sister…..
He was 9-12? How old was she?
Typically when a child is sexually active like that they were abused themselves and that’s how they learned. A 9 year old male doesn’t typically think of having sex at that age.
Two yeat age differences but same, said he ‘blacked out and couldn’t remember’ till I reminded him infront of his gf. She left him. You should leave him too. They don’t get better..
Dude… yea there’s a reason you can’t get over it
This is an iceberg of an almost. I feel so terrible for her. Don’t contribute to her isolation by giving this guy more cover. You need to talk to a therapist.
The sad thing Is the same thing happened to me near that age, my sister sexually abused me and my parents never believed me, my ex believed me tho however she broke up with me 3 months ago because she gained a fetish for older men, anyway to my point as a sibling I will never forgive my sister since she made my early childhood a living hell and it’s a disgusting thing to do that sticks with the victim for life so u should either break up with him or tell their parents about it and if he forgives u/ don’t mind u telling them then he truly regrets his decision and perhaps deserves that 2nd chance
I think you already know you can’t not let this impact you and how you think of him.
Even if he is 100% never going to do that again, you know what he did.
How old was he at the time?
I don’t know if I could stay, but I’d need a whole lot more detail to even think about it. Was he charged? Has he had therapy? Has she?
I don’t know. I don’t think I could do this.
Yeah no, you need to leave. This is something that will haunt your relationship forever. Even if it feels like you move past it, it’ll always be in the back of your mind.
Yikes! There is no way to get past this. Hard pass.
That’s pretty bad. I don’t think you should ever have to “get over” their past.
He’s got peado tendencies………run very fast
This is probably hard, but you’re fortunate you’ve only been with him for a few months. I would leave. That will always be in your mind. Think of your future babies.
I’m not here to convince you one way or another, but you probably shouldn’t listen to the jackasses in this thread one way or another…Their attention span is low and most of their own relationships are in the water.
Wow when a guy makes a post like this “the past” he can’t get over is always “she slept with other people.” I clicked on it bc I never see a girl post like that, and I see “the past” is “he raped his little sister” yeesh. Yeah if you want kids I wouldn’t feel comfortable staying w him either. And sure he regrets it, but what else? Has he gone to therapy? Has he offered to pay for her therapy? Has he admitted it to his parents and taken accountability that way?
I’m sorry ???????? RUN FOR THE FÚCKING HILLS BABES
You better run away from this one, and fast. You are absolutely bonkers if you stay.
I would leave him. That’s not normal. I understand he was a child himself. But that’s not a normal thing to do as a kid. No one is taught to not molest their sister, they just usually don’t do it. There’s something wrong with him.
No that’s fucked OP, you can’t stay with this man.
That’s one of the worst things a person can do. He may just be a monster. He should NEVER be allowed kids, he shouldn’t father them either.
INFO: Do they have a relationship anymore? What has he ACTUALLY done to mend this and heal??