I(26F) & best-friend (26F) — Trying to decide if I should reach out to fix a 20-year friendship after years of distance

I (26F) have been friends with this girl (also 26F) since class 3. We grew up together — birthdays, mall visits, first drinks, crying on each other’s shoulders… all the classic “inseparable best friends” stuff.

Three years ago, things shifted. We went on a trip with a common guy friend (I’ve known him since 8th grade), who had always liked her. On the trip, they stuck together, and I felt completely left out. I ended up crying, feeling sidelined, and instead of comforting me, my best friend blamed me for “ruining the trip.” After that, I distanced myself for about six months.

Eventually, they both (separately) started visiting me once in a while, but it never felt the same. I just wanted my close friendship back, but somehow this guy always tagged along — even when I’d only invite her. They insisted they were “just friends,” but it still felt awkward.

Over time, they began hanging out more without me — even going on trips together. When I brought it up, I was told I had backed off and wasn’t making efforts. Later, my best friend unfollowed me on Instagram — and honestly, that hurt a lot more than I expected.

I know I also stopped trying, mainly because I felt deeply hurt and she never addressed it. She made a few surface-level attempts to reconnect, but I struggled to move past what happened.

Now, her grandmother has passed away. I’m going to visit her, but I’m stuck wondering what to do after that. Should I make a real effort to reconnect, have an honest conversation, and try to save this 20-year friendship? Or should I take this as a sign that we’ve naturally grown apart?

I’m not asking who’s right or wrong — I’m really trying to figure out how you decide whether a friendship is worth fighting for, or if it’s better for your own peace to let it go.

How do you know when it’s time to fight for a friendship versus when it’s healthier to move on?

TL;DR:
I (26F) had a 20-year friendship with another 26F, but after a trip where I felt hurt and excluded, we drifted apart. Though there were awkward attempts to reconnect, we’ve grown distant and she unfollowed me. Now that her grandmother passed, I’m visiting her — but I’m unsure if I should try again to genuinely mend things or quietly let the friendship go. How do you know when it’s worth saving a long friendship versus letting it fade for your own peace?