I love my girlfriend and I do my absolute best to make her feel cherished and desired-requesting photos and singing her praises, giving her compliments throughout the day, initiating sex frequently. But the truth of the matter is that while I did at one point, I no longer feel attracted to her. I feel like a gigantic piece of shit for feeling this way, but I also know that she deserves to be with someone who wants all of her and doesn’t waste her time. I am quite positive that she is unaware of my feelings and frankly I never want to make her aware of them because if I were in her shoes, and she told me that she was breaking things off because she no longer desired me, I would carry the resulting insecurity for literally years. I love her and I do not want to make her feel that way.
For her sake as well as my own, I know I absolutely must break up with her, but I care deeply about her and I do not want to do any lasting damage to her self-image. And yet I do not want to lie either. A break-up is never easy and always hurts-that cannot be avoided-but surely there’s a way I can approach this that doesn’t destroy her confidence. What’s the right way to approach this situation?
Edit: No, I am not eyeing someone else, and I would NEVER cheat. I assumed for a long time that it was simply a phase, but it has become a long-term problem, and it doesn’t seem right to lie to her.
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Tell her you are gay. But you want to be friends with her if she allows it. Install grinder to continue the ruse.
Attraction is a choice and is also changeable and you can condition yourself to find her attractive. You just have to associate her looks with positive things. Everything you currently find attractive is the result of conditioning; you can 100% condition yourself to find her attractive. It’s really not that difficult, I’ve done it before. Basically all you gotta do is spend a few weeks or a couple months associating the parts of her you don’t find attractive with positive things. Might help to look at porn that contains the same features as her, and carefully selected drawings. Try and intentionally find the beauty in her, too.
Trust me, it is completely possible. You were not born innately attracted to anything. I used to care not at all about asses and even found them gross, but when having a big ass got popular, it conditioned me to find them attractive lol sorry for the TMI but yeah.
Just be honest. Save her the hurt in the long run.
So you just woke up one day and weren’t attracted to her? Absolutely no reason for this … you just suddenly weren’t or is there more to this?
Be careful because you sound like you are so worried about her that you might not be direct enough / drag it out / continue talking to her to make sure she’s okay and that’s one of the worst things you can do (I’m speculating a bit, but I’ve been in your shoes and tried to be really nice to a guy I broke up with and it made it so much harder on him). You need to rip off the bandaid. Definitely avoid using the word “attracted” but be clear “I am so sorry. You’re an amazing person, and I’ll cherish our memories, but I no longer feel the same way about you. I don’t want to drag this out any longer. I’m so sorry.” If you want her happy and able to move on you gotta be cruel to be kind (to an extent) make sure she is okay, but also give her space and make it clear you are done. You can reach out to one of her friends to have them comfort her but it can’t come from you. I’ve been on both sides and it makes it harder in the moment, but SOO much better in the long run if you’re direct and give a lot of space even though she probably won’t want it at all.
If you think not being attracted means you should end the relationship, you should not be dating. That is a very childish view of relationships. Attraction ebbs and flows, people change, women specifically get pregnant and change very quickly, all of which can change attraction levels.
Being with someone is about more than how hot you think they are… at least I hope 💀
I bet you’re no longer attracted to your girlfriend anymore because you’re attracted to some other women instead. You seemed immature, your girlfriend’s probably better off without you.
“Its not me, its you”.
If i may ask, why aren’t you attracted to her anymore?
You said you did originally but that you no longer. Something must have changed? Unless you were never attracted to her and just convinced yourself you were.
There must be some underlying issues here that have shifted your viewpoint.
I actually think your position on this is commendable and mature. I’m curious how things will evolve for you.
“I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Not for any bad reason I just want to be single. I’m sorry, you’re still a great person but I don’t want to date and you deserve someone who wants to put their all into your relationship. I can’t be that person anymore.”
Or something there abouts i would say
Oh yeah, she’d be better off without you. 👏🏻
Tell her in-person and be honest with her. I’d keep it short and to the point. “I really care about you, but I don’t see a future with you long-term. It’s for the best we break up.” Just giving you a tip, but you can say whatever you want to say. Be respectful and kind!
From your post, it does sound like you care too much that it’s to the point where you’re also trying to manage her feelings after the breakup. Please don’t carry the burden of taking that on. We have to do what’s best for us even if it means ending a relationship. We can’t take on others feelings. It’s not our job.