So around 7 years ago my brother and his ex divorced so my parents allowed him too stay at our house till he could get his own place, skip ahead a little he was able to get full custody of the kids cause they’re mom was acting pretty dumb, but he was never able to get his own place since he was just getting money from disability, and so all the kids came to live in the house too.
So now with 7 people in the house, 4 of them being kids, 3 of them sleeping in my room, it was pretty frustrating since me and my dad had jobs, and so at that time I started smoking a lot of weed, to the point I was high pretty much all day everyday, I was honestly highly addicted, and so I started treating them pretty differently.
So at some point the oldest turned 18 and she went to live with her mom, then the second oldest also went to live with his mom but he was 16, they kinda had some issues with their dad and I’m sure I didn’t make anything better so they both felt more comfortable living at their moms.
Ok so that was pretty much all the backstory, now, last year I lost my nephew(age 24)from my sister’s side that I considered my brother, my best friend. Sadly it took his death for me to realize a lot of things and not take things for granted, I stopped smoking weed and just tried to be more present. But then I started feeling a strong urge to apologize for the way I had been for all those years cause I had been such an asshole towards them. One day though it was just me and one of my nieces at the house so I started to apologize but I couldn’t help but to start crying, which Im sure threw her completely off guard since I just out of the blue came in and started apologizing and crying, so I said my apology bawling and she pretty much said she knows I loved them and it was ok, but after that the dynamic between me and her has been pretty different, like before I could mess around with her and she’d laugh and play along but now she just kind of just ignores me or tells me too stop, or she would even mess around with me randomly and that’s completely stopped, and just the whole vibe is different now, I also think I made things weird bringing up the fact that she didn’t mess with me anymore like a dumbass, but now a few months have passed and things seem ever so slightly better but honestly still the same, and now looking back I see that I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and just be there for her more, as they say actions speak louder than words, but so now for my question, and sorry for such a long essay, Im not sure if I should have like an actual conversation about it with her now that I feel I’m in a better mindset or if that’ll just make things worse, or if I should just let things play out and just continue to try to be there for her? Even though it kinda feels like she doesn’t care if im around anymore really.
TL:DR I think I threw my niece really off guard apologizing and being emotional out of the blue to her about being kind of an ass for so many years. Our relationship has been pretty different and its just a different vibe, now that im in a better mindset, should I try to have an actual conversation with her or should I let things be and just be there for her, even though it doesn’t really feel like she cares if Im around.
Comments
She’s 15 dude, no offense but if she doesn’t care much about you right now there’s nothing you can really do about it. You had an emotional breakdown in front of her, she’s gonna be put off for a while I imagine and anything you do to try and force anything is not gonna have the outcome you’re hoping for, will only make the relationship worse. She’s your niece, not your daughter. Seems like you’re projecting your feelings about your lost nephew onto her as well