IATAH for telling my ex wife to stop trying to interfere with my life, to use my child support for our kids and to stop putting our kids in the middle of our disputes.
So backstory if you haven’t seen my other post. I went through a nasty divorce. It has been finalized for 8 months. I gained things in the divorce and lost a lot. The Dodge Challenger I had I lost in the divorce. Broke my heart to lose my dream car. However I got my kids on the regular. Get them for a full month in the summer time. I also kept my 401k and my VA Disability compensation. So it was 50/50.
My step daughter and I talk once in a while maybe less. She wanted to go to the shooting range with me but didn’t want my girlfriend to come along so I told her that she comes along or I don’t go. So I ended up not going.
Things with my ex wife have been well a rollercoaster of chaos, name calling and cops being called. My ex wife has used our kids to spy on me. I have documented proof of it. She texts me and calls me names when I don’t give into her. She insults me but then becomes sweet to me and I know she wants something from me. Of course I don’t fall for it. She says she is just worried about me and my happiness. I told her I am happy and in a great relationship and she needs to stop asking the kids what happens with me and my fiancée ( yes that’s right I asked my girlfriend to marry me. When you know it’s right you just say fudge it and go for it). My ex wife says she is happy for us but I can hear the condescending tone in it. My ex wife tries to give me advice on what to do and I keep telling her to stop. I have set clear boundaries with my ex wife but she continues to get involved in my life. I have had to block her, her friends , her family and some mutual friends we have because when I post something, boom she finds out. I have documented everything with my ex wife.
She tried to keep our kids when it was my month with them and I had to call the cops for that. When I dropped the kids back off to her it was at a police station and she went crazy and the cops again invoked. Like I said all texts and interactions are documented and when she calls me I tell her: I am recording this conversation for my safety and yours. If you wish not to be recorded hang up not and text me.
My ex wife gets mad about and calls me names and hangs up but I do it for my mental health and protection. A little backstory when I was married to her she was very and I mean VERY mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive to me. An she got physical a couple times. When I was a kid I would see that and I swore I would never be like that and I have broken that cycle with my kids and when I was married and my relationship now. I go to therapy once a week for it.
Anyways sorry for the detour. My ex wife has asked me to help her with things and I tell her no. So the cycle of anger begins with her again. I am gathering the evidence I have to take her back to court to have us communicate through apps that the court can monitor for my safety and mental health. I want the court to have her take anger management classes and have her just leave me alone unless it comes to the kids but she can’t stop meddling in my life. I have confronted her about it but she has lights me.
Honestly all I want is to a good and present dad in my kids lives, to marry my fiancée and to be happy. That’s it. So for the long story.
Anyways AITAH for setting clear boundaries with my ex wife.
Comments
No you’re not that’s a healthy way to handle things
Nta. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. Just keep doing what you’re doing. I know you’re in the trenches now but there will come a time when this will be over.
You’re doing great but I think it’s reasonable for your step daughter to not want your gf present during your time together. I know eventually they will have to be together every so often but she is a kid she wants to spend time with her dad.
(Idk how long yall been in her life but assuming this little girl sees you as her father).
My parents were divorced and I didn’t mind my parents dating but I didn’t want to spend time with my dad’s gf. I wanted to spend time with my dad and his gf is fine but she’s a stranger and I already have a mom. I’m respectful to his gf but the only time I get with my dad I just want it with him.
Other than that I think you’re doing great and your ex is crazy.
NTA.
You ex is a nightmare.
Just keep documenting, remember parental alienation is a thing, and absolutely never have an oral conversation without it being recorded.
Wow, she sounds like a nightmare. If she is this insane, you should demand FULL custody with monitored visitation NTA
NTA for the ex wife stuff.
YTA for not going to the shooting range with your daughter without your gf /fiance.
Spend time with your kids one on one sometimes.
I’m sorry for the divorce. Genuinely. I’m glad you get a good amount of time with your kids.
It was childish of you to say you wouldn’t go to the range if your girlfriend couldn’t. Beyond childish.
She wasn’t your fiancee at that time and putting an adult before a child you consensually claimed is very much ass hole behavior. Even one you intend to marry.
That being said.
Your ex wife is beyond Toxic and manipulating those kids horribly.. You are absolutely doing all the right things in prevention. The apps to communicate. Collecting the evidence. Stay safe and keep being a good parent. She can’t take that from you. You know not to give your kids info that isn’t for them.
NTA. Protect your kids and yourself. Best of luck on the new marriage
No, NTA, it sounds like you’re doing the responsible thing both legally and for your mental health. It’s hard when an ex doesn’t grasp that when the relationship ended so did the relationship privileges.
But, honestly dude, that was dick move with your stepdaughter. It’s reasonable she just wanted to hang out with you, not you and your girlfriend. Sounds like you love your fiancée a lot, that’s awesome and you deserve happiness, but it’s still perfectly fine that the stepdaughter wanted some quality time with you. Similarly to how it’s important to have quality time with bio children without the stepparent there. It doesn’t mean the stepparent doesn’t matter, it’s just good to have those moments together as parent and child.
NTA…you’re going about everything properly. I feel for your kids having to endure that. How old are they and HOW are they coping? Btw…CONGRATULATIONS!!! 😊
Nta, having boundries never makes you a n ass.
You could/should use all the information – police reports, recorded audio/texts and go to court for full custody of your kids. I did, cost a lot, but got full custody of my kids, THEN REALLY saw what crap conditions they were living in (mom would leave them alone and go camping with her boyfriend, amongst other things. Kids were 11 and 8 at the time – OH did I mention there was a toddler (half sister) there too?
If a step kid wants to spend time with you, that means you are a good person – although as I wrote that out, mom may be using the kid to spy on you? No idea, but my ex did all sorts of cuckoo stuff. I am hoping that step kid really wants to spend time with you, that it can happen. That means you are special to them.
Edited for spelling and punctuation